5 Tons of Space Junk out of 10
It's the Helix logo flying through space with a long fiery trail
behind it. I think it's supposed to look like a comet. The Helix logo
also appears in the upper left corner, so it's there twice (just in
case you weren't sure whose CD this was). There are moons, stars, galaxies,
and shit like that in the background, and what appears to be part of
a planet at the bottom of the picture. It's not real high-tech looking
or anything. It actually sorta looks like an album cover from the seventies,
like from Uriah Heep or some shit like that. Good colors, so it's not
a terrible cover. But not real exciting either.
5 Tons of Orbiting Debris out of 10
Pretty much average as far as booklets go. 3 panels on each side and
there's all the lyrics, songwriting credits, production notes and contact
information. The back of the CD has a picture of their singer holding
a real-life helix in his hands! What exactly is a helix? Don't ask me.
Talk to a geneticist or take a biology class if you really must know.
I couldn't tell a DNA ladder from a hole in my ass.
Tons of Celestial Detritus out of 10
To be frank, nothing on this album really grabs my nutsack and whips
me around the room. There's a cool keyboard intro, but the title track
is pretty generic sounding. A song with a really long title called "It's
Hard To Feel The Sunshine When Your Heart Is Filled With Rain"
sounds like a Bang Tango song slowed way down, like Joe LeSte on quaaludes.
Very classic-rock sounding, with nothing contemporary about it. Just
like the rest of this album. Sure, there are some attempts at modernity,
but they pretty much fall flat. Not that Rockin' In My Outer Space
is without its moments: the slinky wah-wah guitar on "King Of The
Hill" is pretty good, as is the musicianship on "The Ballad
of Sam & Mary," which is anything but a ballad. It's an S&M
song! The drum sound is especially good on this one. Probably the best
song on here is called "Six Feet Underground." It's kind of
bluesy but catchy. But the rest of the songs I didn't mention, for the
most part, pretty much blow.
Comments: The mighty Helix
of the "Rock You" and "Heavy Metal Love" days is
long gone, but founder, frontman, and former 20
questions victim Brian Vollmer has trudged through the nineties
and beyond with a revolving cast of players, releasing CDs and home
videos every few years or so and touring throughout Helix's home state
of Canada. As I understand, this is the first Helix studio album in
quite a while. If you're a hard core Heilx fan, then shoot yourself,
but go grab this disc and listen to it while you're loading up the shotgun.
For the more casual fan, well... if there was ever a reason to "try
before you buy," it would be the new Helix CD. Check out some sound
samples online before you drop any coin on this disc.