BON JOVI "100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans
Can't Be Wrong"
by Doro Jett
2 Red Banks out of 10
OK, we get the picture. You're trying to wax oh-so-ironic by mimicking the iconic Elvis albums. Unfortunately, the entire band and especially David "It's in my contract to have the worst hairstyle" Bryan look like Fagley McFaggot and His Fabulous Fudgepackers. While Tico Torres may be secretly relishing the thought of a career as a lounge singer, this cover concept has the smarminess that only Jon "Watch me shake my ass since I can't hit the high notes anymore" Bon Jovi could summon forth with a straight face.
8 Newarks out of 10
Since the music press has tended to ignore Bon Jovi as a bunch of lump-headed troglodytes who bathe in the sea of cliché, it only makes sense for them to go to the fans to write testimonials for the booklet. Some of them are almost charming, but how many times can I read "They ROCK" in a row before I start wanting to throw rocks AT the fans that wrote this stuff? Still, it's packed, and the average soccer moo that buys a Bon Jovi box set in an effort to recapture her youth isn't looking for pointed criticism, so let's hand it to them for creating a booklet perfectly suited to their target audience.
7 Atlantic Citys out of 10
Haven't bothered watching the DVD yet, but there are enough good songs spread out through the four discs to make one decent, if not particularly GREAT album. One track, however, stands out from the rest like Ace Frehley performing in a Tommy Thayer tribute band: "Last Man Standing". Originally found on the DVD for last year's monstrous THIS LEFT FEELS RIGHT, it's as raw as this band gets anymore, and says a few things that could actually piss off the music industry if anyone really listened to Jon as a musician anymore. Other standouts include the official release of soundtrack favorite "Edge of a Broken Heart", "Radio Saved My Life Tonight", and "Garageland". Unfortunately, with a lot of these songs, there is a sameness that does little but make you long for the actual hits that came out of the sessions that these songs are from. Richie "I Get to Bang Heather Locklear" Sambora takes only takes one lead vocal turn, which is surprising, considering that he has had a fairly active (if not fairly successful) solo career. On the other hand, perhaps we should be grateful that Tico "Buy my baby clothes" Torres only sings one song. In comparison, Jon almost sounds good. Come to think of it, the only one who DOESN'T do at least one vocal is Hugh "Who cares if I'm invisible as long as the paycheck doesn't bounce" McDonald.
Comments: Sure, this box has been out for a couple of months now. It took me that long to make my way through it all. There are some catchy songs, but most are just "good enough", not really standout tracks. If you're not a hardcore fan, go ahead and just download the songs you like.