METALLICA "St. Anger"
by Ozzy Stillbourne

Cover: 5 Metal Militias out of 10.
It's a cartoon of a red, angry hand tied down. Wow. Just like the rest of this CD, it could have been a lot better. Looks like something I would have found inside the BulletBoys' first CD, not that I own any BulletBoys CDs!!! I don't want to totally ruin my shitty credibility yet.

Booklet: 7 Master Of Puppets out of 10.
The booklet is smaller than the typical CD booklet and has a drawing of some fucked up person with wings who's tied up and angry. I don't know how to describe it, but it would have made for a better cover than the BulletBoys thing they used. Anyway, it has all the easy to read lyrics so you can understand what pain James went through in rehab, along with minimal credits. It also comes with this little piece of paper with a code on it so you can access Metallica music at MetallicaVault.com. After hearing this CD, I think I've had my fill of all the Metallica music I can handle now, thanks.

Songs: 5 Frayed Ends Of Sanity out of 10.
I've listened to this CD numerous times and I can't remember how any of these songs go, and that isn't because I'm a crackhead. Nothing is memorable. There wasn't one time where I thought, "that's cool riff" or "that's a cool hook." The riffs are all generic metal riffs that you might see any metal band do. Nothing stands out in that department. In fact, there isn't even a guitar solo anywhere on this CD. Did Kirk even show up to the studio? I know he's not in the video much.
Speaking of people who might not have showed up, did Bob Rock show up? As a lot of people have already said, the drums on this CD sound like a bucket of shit. The snare sounds very tin like as if Lars is using a trash can instead of a snare. Stupid. James' vocals at time sound a bit harsh, and not harsh in a good way. Overall it's a muddy production. It makes "...And Justice For All" sound like it got a good mix!
The lyrics are mostly forgettable and deal with James' rehab and personal shit like that. After hearing all this, I think James needs to go back to drinking Jager right away! And give Kirk and Lars some blow, it might do them good.
If I had to pick, the songs I can tolerate to a degree are "Frantic," "Dirty Window," and "The Unnamed Feeling." Yet even in those songs, there are parts that I could do without. There isn't an entire song from start to finish that I enjoy. Songs that make me feel stupider for hearing them include but are not limited to "Invisible Kid," "My World," "Shoot Me Again," "Purify," "All Within My Hands,"and most of the rest.
Just because the songs are heavier, and faster, and longer doesn't make it a good song. The tempo changes and stops and starts sound like they are being done for no reason and don't enhance the songs at all. When Metallica did that sort of stuff back in the day, it all fit and made sense. This sounds like a clusterfuck. There is no fucking structure. It sounds like something a young, unprofessional band would do because they were trying to impress you with their speed and complicated arrangements, when all it really does is just become annoying and overkill. Sounds like they were trying too hard.

Comments:
I wanted to like this CD, kids. I really did. And while this isn't the worst CD I've ever heard, it's the worst Metallica CD I've ever heard. I know you won't read too many other reviews that will say that because your Blenders, Rolling Stones, Spins, Metal Edges, Kerrangs, etc, all have to kiss Metallica's ass if they want to do business with them, but not us. Metallica ain't going to be doing 20 Questions with us anytime soon, so we give no shits if we hurt anybody's feelings here. If you want a good metal CD, pick up the new Anthrax or Black Label Society. Those two CDs are actually better than this, but of course "St. Anger" will sell millions just because the name Metallica is on it. There are numerous bands out there that have better CDs than this but will never get the recognition that this will. If this didn't have the name "Metallica" on it and was just some other band, then I don't really see too many people giving this the time of day or being impressed, but since it's Metallica, we all ran out to buy it. I did. And I'm a fucking sheep. They could release an album full of static and it would sell 5 million copies.
The CD does come with a DVD of the band performing every song off this CD, and I actually like the DVD mix better than the CD mix. The drums actually sound like drums and it sounds a bit better live, but the downfall is having to look at Lars stick out his tongue whenever he drums too hard, so who wants to deal with that?