GODDO "Kings of the Stoned Age"
by Dana Brittingham

Cover: 5 Nursing Homes out of 10
It's a stack amp just standing there in the middle of a desert. The amp has the "Goddo" logo where you'd expect it to read "Marshall" or whatever. There are three skulls sitting on the ground near the amp. There's some rocks and shit lying around. And that's about it.

Booklet: 4 Assisted Living Environments out of 10
The booklet is filled with pictures of prehistoric drawings and caveman art and stuff. There's some basic credits and contact information. There are snippets of lyrics -- not the full song, but just a line or two -- along with comments and random musings about each track, provided by the band's singer, Greg Godovitz. I hate when bands do that. Put that shit on your Web site or something, but not your booklet. It's gay. Another odd thing is there are some endorsement logos and stuff, including a business card for a realtor. You know… in case you're listening to this CD and suddenly decide to buy a house. On the back of the booklet is a big color photo of the 3 guys in the band. And holy fuck, to say these guys are old is an understatement! One guy has long white hair and looks like Dumbledore in those Harry Potter movies. Another looks a bit like Dick Clark with a salt-and-pepper mini-mullet. And the third guy, wearing John Lennon sunglasses, is just a little too bald to get a combover going and looks like someone my dad plays golf with on Saturdays. Their combined age has to be around 175 years. These guys are dinosaurs.

Songs: 6 Geriatric Care Facilities out of 10
For as old as these hosers are, these guys can still play their instruments and rock out like players half their age... at least while sitting down in the studio. All the tunes sound like bluesy AC/DC cock rock songs and while some are mediocre, some surprisingly aren't all that bad. A little on the generic side in parts, but what the hell -- how many senior citizen power trios are out there still singing about chasing tail and stealing cash from their girlfriends' purses? It's pretty apparent that Goddo don't take themselves too seriously. Case in point: probably the most memorable track is called "Rock Star" and it's a tongue-in-cheek ditty about the singer being an aging ‘rock star' and doing all kinds of mundane things everyone has to do, like clipping coupons, shampooing what's left of his hair, taking out the trash, buying groceries, paying bills, and shit like that. I like this song much better than Poison's song called "Rock Star." Come to think of it, I like this CD much better than Poison's entire Hollyweird album! Just for that fact, I'm giving the songs on this CD an extra point.

Comments: Goddo's heyday was back in the mid to late 70s when they were hot shit in their native city of Toronto. They reached superstar status in the Great White North, and even though they did a few club tours in the US, they never quite broke anywhere south of Canada. That's why nobody outside of Ontario really knows who they are, and even in that province, not many people under the age of 35 has ever heard of them. Internal squabbling caused a breakup in the mid 80s, but amidst the resurgence of cock rock bands 15 years younger than them, the band reunited for a new studio album in 1992. However, they again drifted back into retirement, then reunited once more in 2000 for some 25th anniversary shows. Kings of the Stoned Age may end up being the last Goddo album ever, at least with the original lineup, but if it's so, at least it's going out on a relative high note. That is, until Greg Godovitz has a heart attack and drops dead on stage. I wonder if bands like Poison or Skid Row will still be putting out CDs when they're in their late fifties? Maybe they all can learn something from Goddo. After all, it's better to fade out, than to burn away. (Or some shit like that. I'm bad with quips.)