THE OSBOURNES - "Family Album"
by Dana Brittingham

Cover: 9 Reality Shows out of 10
It looks like the opening screen of 'The Osbournes' reality show on MTV. If you haven't seen it yet, you are an unfortunate sod and should go get a satellite dish right now and catch up with the rest of the modern world. For this kind of CD, the cover is somewhat expected, but on its own, it's kind of hip. It has a late 50's/early 60's sitcom style design in the vein of Ozzie and Harriet. Plus a parental advisory label! The perfect ruse for
America's latest dysfunctional family darlings.

Booklet: 8 Dog Therapists out of 10
Again, for what it is, it's practically perfect. Colorful, in sync with the front cover design, and complimentary to the theme of the TV show. It lists credits for each song on the CD, with a short comment from various members of the Osbournes clan. Several posed full-color photos of Sharon, Jack, Kelly and Ozzy littered with art deco designs. The only thing missing is a George Nelson clock, but you can't have it all. Part of the booklet tears off to become an Osbournes Family greeting card, inscribed with the message "I love you more than life itself... but you're f*@%ing mad..."

Songs: 7 Burning Logs Hurled Over Fences out of 10
It's a varied and eclectic mix of songs that have appeared in, or somehow relate to, the Osbourne's reality series. There's the opening track, the show's theme which is Pat Boone's version of "Crazy Train." There are several Ozzy tunes, i.e. "Dreamer," "Mama I'm Coming Home," and the re-recorded Tommy Aldridge/Bob Daisley-less version of "Crazy Train." Naturally, Kelly's cover of "Papa Don't Preach" is prominently featured. You've got songs by The Cars ("Drive"), Eric Clapton ("Wonderful Tonight"), The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" (Ozzy says it was the song that inspired him to rock and roll), and John Lennon's "Imagine." Also included is System Of A Down's cover of Sabbath's "Snowblind." Lastly, there's a song by some band called Starsailor (Kelly picked it for inclusion) and another by Disillusion, a band that Jack has been developing at Epic. Good exposure for these otherwise unknown bands, but their songs are really quite boring. They could have made a bigger impact on the unsuspecting public if the songs were a little more uptempo. There is a bonus track by the band Chevelle, which sounds a lot like Tool, and their song called "Family System." No other information listed other than it's a bonus track. How can this be a bonus track if it's only issued on CD? Do they even make LPs or cassettes anymore? In between each track, there are short quips of unedited dialogue from the show, including that of Ozzy musing about what a good neighbor Pat Boone was, Ozzy threatening to throw the dog in the pool, and Sharon warning Ozzy not to hurl that burning log over the fence.

Comments: It's a little bit of a novelty product from Epic, but a decent effort which makes it more than an attempt to cash in on the Osbournes craze. All of these songs are available elsewhere, but to the casual fan who's discovering these songs for the first time via the show, it's a nice collection, and the R-rated sound bytes are quite entertaining to listen to.