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First off, I would like to say that anyone who names
their album HOLLYWEIRD deserves to die a painful, hideous death. Making
a mockery of a Who song is equally offensive. Now on to the review....
Cover: 2
tattooed groupies out of 10
Did Rikki Rockett do this on his computer? The mere fact that the word
"Hollyweird" is on the cover annoys me. The cover model shows
just how far this band has fallen. I'm sure Bobbie Brown comes pretty
cheap these days, but from the looks of things, they got this chick
free. It's the aforementioned naked and heavily tattooed chick on a
motorcycle, in front of a wall with their faces photoshopped on it.
They also oh-so-cleverly have a street sign, declaring it HOLLYWEIRD
BLVD. How edgy...
The back cover is just a just the four band members with their names,
as if anyone willing to buy this shitty album wouldn't know who they
were. It also again features, the word HOLLYWEIRD. We got it guys, spare
us overusing that stupid cliche.
Booklet: 5
crack pipes out of 10
A decent effort by Dr. Rockett. It has all the lyrics, a minimum amount
of typos and photos of every band member with their thank yous. It loses
points for the pictures being photoshopped into oblivion which is an
obvious attempt to hide their age, and the fact that I actually had
to read those asinine lyrics. Bret thanks the 9-11 victims in a pathetic
attempt to cash in on tragedy, Bob actually refers to someone as "g-luv-baby"
to which I need say
nothing more; CC pretends to be Jewish, and Rikki thanks his "animal
companions", I suppose he's referring to the girl on the cover.
The back of the booklet show the four of them standing together, and
I do believe Bret stuffed his pants. Not that I was looking....but he
IS *pointing* at it. Originally I was going to give it a 7 out of 10,
but they forgot one VERY
important thing... Thanks all of us here at Metal-Sludge for our hard
work, and well, for actually GAF about them, so I have deducted 2 points.
Songs:
0 AA meetings out of 10 (cuz someone hasn't been
going)
The Track List is as follows:
Hollyweird
Squeeze Box
Shooting Star
Wishful Thinkin'
Get 'Ya Some
Emperor's New Clothes
Deville Woman
Wasteland
Livin' In The Now
Stupid, Stoned, and Dumb
Home (Bret's story)
Home (C.C.'s story)
Bonus Track: Rockstar
After reading the lyrics, It seems to me that Bret is the crackhead
of the band instead of C.C. There are enough "huuuhhs" and
"ohhhh yeaaaahs" courtesy of Mr. Michaels to fill a porno.
CC's songs are the only ones that have any potential and that just goes
to show how bad this cd actually is. It's so bad that it makes the Beautiful
Creatures look like the Stones. All I have to say is that I heard enough
of Fallen Angel in 1988, I don't need 6 new versions of it in 2002,
mmmkay? They still draw well on their summer tours, but that's because
every trailer park groupie including our own lovely Donna Anderson,
knows that these guys are as easy to find and fuck as a Vietnamese prostitute.
This album features clever lyrics like "I want your ten toes up
and my ten toes down, two wet bodies moving round and round" and
"call me pimp daddy, I'll roll you one big fatty". I especially
like it when Bret tells us how "he owns the cops, the junkies and
freaks". Good to see he hasn't lost his edge along with his hair...The
production of this CD is demo quality at best, obviously rushed out
and next time they should get over their egos a little bit and hire
some outside writers.
Our own beloved and wise Jani Bon Neil adds the following:
I can just picture Poison's writing sessions for this album.....
Bret: Here's a line guys, "Welcome To My City." Now what rhymes
with city?
Bobby: Hot dogs?
Bret: No.
Rikki: Pretty?
Bret. That's it! The girls are so damn pretty! That's perfect! Now lets
see......City, pretty.....pity! Such a pity, they don't come for free.
We're onto something guys.
Comments: Bret only sounds
good when his lips aren't moving, CC couldn't possibly do any masturbatory
solos if he wanted to and his tone can only be compared to that of a
mosquito, Rikki should stick to pinstriping toilet seats, as it's the
only thing he shows any talent in, and Bobby, well Bob's just Bob.
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