We told you we had this CD long
before anybody else did (not that anybody really gave a shit) and now
here's the review! So for those of you who doubted that we had it, please
open your mouth and insert my dick. Thanks.
Cover: 2 Down Boys out of 10.
What the hell is this? First of all,
those certainly aren't Jani's legs! This looks like something Perris
Records would shit out. The font selection is weaker than Jani's ability
to pass up a drink. The whole thing says, "Half assed." I
guess it could be worse, they could have put him on the cover! I wonder
if the chalk outlines are of past Warrant members?
This is the back cover. Exciting, huh?
Seriously, couldn't anybody think of something to put on the back cover?
C'mon, are people supposed to pay for this shit? Plus it's always good
to have your song titles listed in tiny print at the very bottom. (Sarcasm
mode turned off)
This is the insert. More generic photos that have nothing to do with
Jani thanks Warrant, Billy Morris, and then thanks Erik & Jerry
& Mike. Wouldn't Warrant include Billy, Erik, Jerry & Mike?
Booklet: 3 Cooks out of 10.
Again, not much thought went into this. Minimum credits, no lyrics,
and a distored photo of Jani because he hasn't looked that slim since
about '89. It is better than the CDs Jerry Dixon and Erik Turner put
out a few years back, so Jani has that going for him.
Double Chins out of 10.
As you can see, 7 of the 8 songs were
co-written with Keri Kelli. Try to contain your excitement. For those
of you who heard Jani's Jabberwocky demos that were floating around
in circulation, these songs are a lot more upbeat than those. These
songs are basically upper to mid-tempo pop/rock songs (no ballads) that
sound current enough. Nothing sounds dated or played out. The lyrical
content is typical Jani Lane, mostly dealing with relationships and
he's basically always had good lyrics. There are only 8 songs though
but the production isn't that bad.
It probably sounds better than Poison's "Hollyweird" CD!
The "How A Girl" song has a part that goes "Yeah, Yeah,
Yeah" that sounds a lot like that Nickelback song "How You
Remind Me." In "Back Down To One" Jani sings, "I'm
so far down I'm hearing Chinese sounds." More like a Chinese Buffet,
but who are we to talk shit? In "6 Feet Under" Jani goes,
"So why does someone always take a swing at my head, I guess they
never heard what my mother said." Well they might be swinging at
your head because you're hitting on somebody's chick in a Canton, Ohio,
bar or for blowing off a show!!
Here's the track listing and the lengths of the songs:
Better Than You 3:11
How A Girl 3:37
Back Down To One 3:44
6 Feet Under 2:41
The songs are better than any of Bret Michaels' solo stuff but towards
the second half of the CD it starts to get a little weak, but we've
So where can you get
this CD? We don't know, so don't fucking ask us. Jani doesn't seem that
interested in promoting this, so we have no idea where it can be found.
That's always smart to put out a CD but not let anybody know about it.
Way to be a businessman!