Crazy sex/masterbation stories from our readers.
We got fans everywhere, clearly some horny ones too.
We’ve been following a post on our forums, and there appears to be some real peverts on there. Incuding the women. Here are some crazy Sex & Masturbation stories from our readers.
We’d like to thank our Sludgeaholics for these. The names have been changed to protect the horny. And for those of you who are classy, and easily offended – then hit the road now.
A female board member we’ll call ‘Dildette’ writes the following:
So for the gentlemen on this board who aren’t in the know about dildo sanitation do’s and don’ts, you can sanitize a latex dildo by boiling it in water on the stove. So I get done with my business, set the water to boil, plop it down in the pot and begin to watch my Twisted Sister Live at Wacken DVD. I’d like to say I fell asleep or something, but I began so absorbed in watching the DVD that I completely forgot about the dildo casserole cooking up in the kitchen. My ADHD and inability to concentrate on any one thing for more than 5 minutes also did not help matters. So 20 minutes later I see this white smoke drift lazily into my bedroom. My kitchen and living room is filled with thick noxious smoke and I start to gag on the silicone and rubber fumes. I look into the pot and see that all the water has boiled off and there is what looks like a charred breast implant in the shape of a cock puddled on the bottom of the pot. I start to open windows and at this moment my building’s fire alarm goes off. My six neighbors begin to file into the street. As I am dumping the dildo souffle into the trash can my building’s maintenance man (who lives across the hall from me and is always hitting on me) comes into my kitchen and is like what the fuck did you do? I weakly reply that I burned my lunch, but it didn’t really matter what I said because you couldn’t stand in the apartment without coughing and choking on the fumes. He’s like "aw shit we gotta get this smoke outta here before the fire department gets here." So we set up some fans in the windows and I spent the rest of the afternoon outdoors.
Dee the Dildo wrecker, and near apartment wrecker.
A perverted man we named “Pillowboy” writes the following:
I really cut my teeth as a masterbater during the summer of 1990, repeatedly beating my member into oblivion to the videos of Billy Idol’s "Cradle Of Love", Roxette’s "Must Have Been Love" and Metal Edge pictures of Lita Ford when she was hot.
Around the same time, my folks had bought a hand held massager that you could plug into the wall. Long story short, if I could have run an extentsion cord to it, I would have taken that sumbitch everywhere I went.
So on Friday nights my folks would step out for the night and hit the town for a few hours, leaving me to watch episodes of "The Hitchhiker" and "Red Shoe Diaries" and run the massager on my crotch until I blew no less than 6 loads or rubbed my dick raw first.
I proceed to kick back on the couch around 7pm, have my shorts wide open, boner popping out of my then very stylish bikini underwear that was en vouge for 1990. I plug the massager into the outlet and begin to work myself over at a feverish pace, running hundreds of mental pictures/secnarios of tits and ass through my mind as I lay back with my eyes closed.
As I get close to shooting my balls, I hear the screen door slide open and see my younger sister and her friends walking in from the patio. I freek the fuck out, have my machine running, pants open, face flush as hell as I try to shut the apparatus down, then using a pillow to put on my lap (as if everyone sits on a couch with a pillow on their lap). The girls walk in, look at me sideways and say, "What are YOU doing?", I lie and tell them that I was watching TV, they reply, "Sure you were". BUSTED!
Editor: So, did you ever bang your sister’s friends down the road? Waiting on part II?
This next one is from "Birthday Beater" he writes:
mine is just a similar getting busted rubbin one out scenario. must have been in gr 9 and i got home from school one day at about 3pm and shortly after was in my room with my vegetable oil, mag, and lyin in bed taking car of business when all of a sudden theres a knock at my door. no problem i thought and just covered myself and the evidence up with my blankets and pretend i was just having a nap. wouldn’t you know that murphy wasn’t going to let me off that easy with this one. i told my dad to come in thinking he just had a question for me. instead to my horror, he tells me hes on his way to the bank and trying to get there before it closes, and has a pen and wanted my autograph on some birthday checks id received recently! he was dumbfounded when i told him i couldnt sign them right now. im not sure if he was more mad, or curious at first. of course by then he knew what i was doing by the horror on my face. to add insult to injury when he shut the door and left i could hear him laughing to himself all the way down the hall that he’d busted me. i was pretty pissed off at the time, but have to admit that his laughing at me was a nice touch! never heard another thing about it again…
Mister "Cougar Lover – Cub Killer" writes:
In My 41 years on this great earth my life has never been a dull moment especially when it comes to women. I’ve told this one on here before but here it is again.
I pulled her in the shower and pounded her cougar snatch in to oblivion.
This 3 way lasted about 2 months until one day they got in a argument and
Mom dropped on her daughter I was bangin her to.
We’ll call this clown "Load in Larry" – close your eyes, this one will gag ya:
This thread is pushing the skeevometer into red levels but there’s one story I think I’ve already told a long time ago that happened to a friend of mine.
He said he was dating this girl when he lived in San Diego for a while and one night he was over at her place and they were getting it on in her bedroom. He said they finished everything up with her on top and I guess she was on the pill cuz he didn’t have to pull out when he got his nut off. They were listening to music while they were fucking and the CD ended right about the same time he got off.
The stereo was on a shelf above the headboard. So he’s laying there face up with her on top and she raised up off him to fiddle with the stereo. As she was straddling above him and her crotch was hoovering right over his head, some of the spooge dripped out and landed right on his face. He said then a second bigger drip came out and went right in his mouth!
He freaked out and bolted up as a reflex, pushing her up off of him in his panic and launched her into the wall next to the bed. BOOM! He said he threw her pretty good and it knocked a bunch of shit off the dresser and she got all bruised up. But he still thinks she had it better than him cuz guys aren’t supposed to take a money shot in the mouth.