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This year’s dumbest press release to date. Warrant.

This year’s dumbest press release to date. Warrant.


Have Warrant remained a key cog in the ever-changing rock landscape?


If you want to read how stupid this reads without our shitty comments added, please follow this link HERE.

In the mean while, please know we’re happy for Warrant, but feel this to be one of the lamest press releases ever written by a "name" PR company.

News Flash: Jani Lane cancelled his show last minute @ the "WHISKY" on the world famous Sunset Strip last Thursday night with Phil Lewis’ LA Guns.

Cancelled tour, cancelled solo show, Buehler? Anyone? Buehler?



(Revised? Salvaged is more like it.)

Following the news that their tour with Cinderella has been cancelled
(Way to kick things off on a positive note!), WARRANT has announced they are still confirmed to perform several shows this summer. (Sounds like it’s going to be a mammoth run of dates).  These include a now headlining slot on (Correction: it’s “at” not “on”) Rocklahoma, the newly added performance with Great White at the Sunset Station Hotel & Casino (on) July 5 in Henderson, NV and several dates in August, which include shows with Alice Cooper (on) August 17 at the Fortune Bay Casino in Tower, MN and Billy Idol (on) August 30 at the American Music Festival in Virginia Beach, VA. (
That is one hell of a sloppy sentence, but it’s only the start of a press release filled with intern errors).

Warrant would like to wish Cinderella’s Tom Keifer, who is suffering from a hemorrhaged vocal cord, a speedy recovery and hopes that the tour may be rescheduled for another time. (What is this a fucking get well card for Cinderella or a press release for Warrant? Make up your mind).

For the first time since 1994, original WARRANT members JANI LANE (vocals), (in reality Lane is not an original member) JOEY ALLEN (lead guitar), (not an original member) JERRY DIXON (bass), ERIK TURNER (guitar) and STEVEN SWEET (drums) (not an original member) will grace stages across the land together.  They’ll deliver a brand new and exciting stage show (A new stage show huh, this we gotta see.) encompassing material (Encompassing material? Sounds like something Paul Gargano wrote in Metal Edge during his tenure.) from their first two multi-platinum albums Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich and Cherry Pie, plus the gold album Dog Eat Dog including such unforgettable hits as (Note: album titles are in quotation marks and song titles are in italics) “Cherry Pie,” “Down Boys,” “Heaven,” “Sometimes She Cries,” “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” and many more. (WTF? Nothing off “Born Again”)

WARRANT, formed in 1984 by Erik Turner and Jerry Dixon, forged their way into the American glam rock scene in February 1989 (A lame choice of words. Why not just say, “Los Angeles rock scene of the late ’80s.”) with the release of Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich (Columbia Records).  A blistering world tour of 262 shows helped push the 10-track record (10 tracks. Great, good thing we have this bit of vital detail added to this pile.) over double platinum status—2.5 million to be exact. The CD spawned three singles-–“Down Boys,” “Sometimes She Cries” and “Heaven,” the latter of which alone has sold over 750,000 units. (And is currently a featured jingle on a National advertising campaign for At&t. Would be a good plug don’t ya think?)

Topping their freshman success may have seemed like a daunting task, but the band members proved they were up to the challenge. Cherry Pie–the band’s second album (Columbia Records)–followed 19 months later and solidified WARRANT’s standing in rock history. (According to which rock ‘n’ roll history book?) The band toured again at home and abroad with 200+ shows pushing USA (It’s “U.S.” not “USA”) sales of Cherry Pie up to 2.7 million. The record’s title track became perhaps the band’s most recognizable hit (Either it is or it isn’t so, no need for the word “perhaps.”) and the album peaked at #7 on the charts.  (The very track shunned for years by front man Lane, see video HERE)

Today, the buzz surrounding WARRANT remains. (Mostly on lame gossip boards & websites like ours) Since their success in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, the band has seen many changes (Changes like hair loss and weigh gain) but has remained a key cog in the ever-changing rock landscape (Huh? Seriously? Gn’R & Axl can’t even claim that, what you smoking?). WARRANT has endured death (Jamie St. James, and mohawks too) changes in record label and loss of band members, (like Mike “The Sack” Fasano & Billy Morris) but with these reunion shows on the horizon (All six of them.) plus plans to re-enter the studio this fall to cut a new album for release next year (“Chinese Democracy and it’s follow up will likely be released before Warrant releases a new record.), it appears these hardships have only fueled WARRANT’s drive (Fueled their drive? I certainly hope they know the price of gas has gone up since they last toured together!).

WARRANT’s updated tour itinerary is as follows:

*indicates show with Great White (* indicates a desperate fan trying to off load tix to show on Craigslist HERE. Even bullshits buyer that White Snake will play)

**indicates show w/ Alice Cooper (** indicates show with Pretty Boy Floyd)

***indicates show with Billy Idol (*** indicates 1 show left on re-union tour)

*Sat-Jul-05           Henderson, NV        @ Sunset Station Hotel & Casino

Sat-Jul-12             Pryor, OK                  @ Rocklahoma

Sat-Aug-16           Winter Park, CO       @ Hawgfest

**Sun-Aug-17      Tower, MN                 @ Fortune Bay Casino

***Sat-Aug-30     Virginia Bch, VA      @ American Music Festival

Sun-Aug-31           Richmond, TX          @ Rock the Bayou

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