JANI LANE + SNAPPLE LADY = Train Train wreck?
The very best of friends? Jani Lane kisses Stevie Rachelle at the Rainbow Bar & Grill.
What could we possibly add to this? Nothing, it’s all right here already.
What the fuck is it? Well, it’s a review sent in by a fan of Jani Lane’s performance at The Mint in Los Angeles on Friday, June 3rd 2005.
Here’s the review, followed by some comments from the ever popular Metal Sludge Gossip Boards.
Hey everyone, I’m not sure who to send this to, so I’m copying a few of you – I hope you don’t mind
Anyway, I have a friend who is a producer on VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club, and I was invited to see Jani Lane perform last night at the Mint in Hollywood, CA. It wasn’t so much a ‘concert’ as it was all staged for a taping of the show. I was worried we’d be late and it would be full [the Mint is a very small club], but we were some of the first people there, and altogether maybe 50 people showed up.
This was probably the most bizarre event I’ve ever been to.
In attendance were his cast mates – the Snapple Lady, Victoria Jackson, Gary Busey, and some other fools I didn’t recognize. Victoria Jackson ‘opened’ with some song that was supposed to be funny, then Jani and his band came out to "Down Boys". Jani looked a lot thinner than some photos I’ve seen of him, but he still looked like hell. It’s hard to imagine that this was the same guy I saw perform in front of 20,000 people 15 years ago when I was in grade school and I loved Warrant. I tried enjoying the show, but he was singing very poorly and even messed up the words to lots of his songs. He also kept inserting in the word "fuck", variations of "fuck", and sexually explicit phrases in the lyrics – presumably to be more "rock/n/roll" and to impress the Snapple Lady, to whom he jumped into the crowd to sing from time to time. Example: "See the factory where I worked / see the wedding in the back / memories come rushing back and it makes my dick real hard". Classy.
He followed with "Dirty Rotten Filthy *Fucking* Rich", which he seemed really excited to sing, because he kept saying "Fucking" really loudly. One of the most startling things I realized was that Jani Lane has a very weak singing voice. After a few more songs, some guy who I believe was porn-director Matt Zane brought out an acoustic guitar and we all knew what was coming. Jani played the first part of "heaven" by himself, but when the band kicked in it sounded all wrong. He stopped the band and complained that his guitar was tuned wrong by ‘the porno actor’, and after some deliberation, decided to just "kick into it" with the band. Then his guitar player’s guitar wasn’t working. It was a train wreck. Finally they got it together and launched into the song, but after messing up a bunch of lyrics Jani said "I can’t sing this fucking song", and stopped the band again. Jani then asked his guitar player if he knew how to play "I Saw Red", and they played that instead.
A bit later, Jani beckoned C.C. Deville to come up onstage and play "Cherry Pie" with them. He claimed to not know how to play it [even though I believe he wrote and played the guitar on the album], so instead they played "Tush" by ZZ Top, with Gary Busey playing a second drum kit. C.C. was going on and on how Jani handed him – a "drunk" – and empty glass to use as a slide. Oh, and Gary Busey is insane, btw.
Jani then hopped on the drums and they brought the singer from Beautiful Creatures up to sing "Highway to Hell". After an attempt to play it, they kicked Jani off the drum kit and brought up some bald guy who I think is the drummer from Beautiful Creatures and they started the song over. It seemed really pointless. After this, I supposed, was the encore.
Here’s a full setlist:
Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich
Heaven / I Saw Red
Hole in My Wall
Highway to Hell
Uncle Tom’s Cabin
I’m not sure how much of this they’re going to air on VH1, but even in writing this e-mail I can’t describe how strange this event truly was. Hey, at least Jani didn’t throw up on the bar!
The topic of Jani’s performance was also discussed on the Gossip Boards. Here’s some of the more thoughtful comments posted by Sludgeaholics:
"Anyone who pays to see this show should be taken out in back of the club and shot to death execution style immediately."
Posted by: The_Barry_Manilow_Fanclub
"Ive always said a night out seeing a shitty band is better then an evening sitting home watching re-runs of friends. I might be wrong on this one."
Posted by: UtahRatt
"Can we get a review? Regaurdless of all his crap, I love Lanes music."
Posted by: chiz3
"Sure. There was an old fat piece of shit trying to sing his gay 80s ‘hair metal’ hit songs only he didnt have any hair left and he’s finally realizing that his songs never were ‘hits’ but only mindless unoriginal instantly forgettable paint-by-numbers commercialization fed to the masses through Mtv on the last wave of a dying genre."
Posted by: cumshot
"Oh yeah, there was a Tuff show that night, too. Forgot about that."
Posted by: McGuirk
"Did Tuff have any "hits"?"
Posted by: TBONESBURDEN
"who’s bringing the blow???????? and twinkies………….."
Posted byL Fizzuckfizzface
"I thought Lane was doing the VH1 thing?"
Posted by: alleyrulez
Note from Metal Sludge: Please pay attention fuckface — it WAS for VH1.
Let?s review ?the review? shall we?
* Jani Lane?s show in LA pulled 50 people.
* Jani Lane is thinner.
* Jani Lane still looks like hell.
* Jani Lane has the hots for the Snapple Lady.
* Jani Lane says ?fuck? a lot.
* Matt Zane can?t tune guitars.
* CC DeVille can?t play Cherry Pie.
* Gary Busey is insane.
(Note from Sludge: CC DeVille is more insane than Gary Busey any day of the week.)
* Joe Leste kicked Jani Lane off the drums.
* Beautiful Creatures has a bald drummer.
* Jani Lane did not throw up on the bar.
* Fans on the Metal Sludge Gossip Boards are brutal.
Lastly, Jani recently missed a gig in Ohio. Here is the report we got on that.
Hi im Jim from Austintown ohio and wanted to tell you about the Jani Lane solo show at Packard Music Hall last night Sat May 28th. My friend went to this show and told me what happened….
First of all the local radio station plugged the hell out of this solo show and it was just Jani and some friends with Billy Morris on guitar. They were playing at a 2,000 seat hall in Warren, Ohio halfway between Cleveland and Pittsburgh right off the Ohio turnpike.
I figured he couln’t pull in 2,000 people but there were about 85 people in the whole place…yes 85!!!! Then it was announced that Jani would not be performing due to some circumstance (who knows what that meant) so Billy Morris took over and played all the Warrant songs and sang them all….then the opening band Dillagaf joined Billy for an impromptu jam session…how sad is this when I saw a KISS tribute band DYNASTY the same night and they played 20 minutes from where he was and drew 100 people to a small bar……he coulnd’t pull 100 and he was in a national band that sold millions of records….
Very very sad ………….just thought you would like to know….
Looks like Jani’s up to his tricks again! Rumors that Jani couldn’t make it because he got stuck in a bathtub cannot be confirmed or denied at this time.
I Saw Sludge