STATIC BETH WANTS YOUR COCK!
(But only in photographic format, and only if you’re in an unsigned band)
We just received an e-mail from our July 2003 Sludgette of the Month Static Beth that she asked us to pass along to our "10 Questions" and "Rock On the Decline"-type bands (meaning, bands that have no record deal). Well that would take effort, so naturally, being the lazy fucks we are, we just simply posted it here for all to see. Do with it as you wish!
For those who aren’t in the know, Static Beth runs her own Web site at www.staticbeth.com where she posts pictures of, believe it or not, cocks! And not just any random cock. They’re cocks that belong to rock stars, celebrities, and the like.
Apparently, Static Beth is expanding her rogues gallery of genetalia to include up-and-coming musicians as well as various established rock stars of the world. So here’s her call for submissions.
I would like to announce that I have decided to give some of the unsigned bands exposure (not pun intended) on my website, www.staticbeth.com. For those who have been living under a rock for the past few years, my website features cocks of famous, musicians, actors and athletes… until now.
I was inspired the other day when I was sent a cock from an aspiring musician that I talk to regularly. His picture was hotter than hell. So I thought to myself, there must be other hotties from unsigned bands who are looking for instant fame like this guy does. Metal Sludge exposes unsigned bands by giving them the opportunity to answer 10 questions and I will be just plain exposing them.
I do have a criteria for submissions that must be followed in order to have a picture posted.
1. You must be in a band. If you aren’t a struggling musician, I don’t want to look at your cock.
2. Band member’s are the only people allowed to submit a picture.
- pictures from disgruntled ex girlfriends, ex-wives or fans are not allowed
3. The band member has to be at least 18 years of age.
4. The band must have a website for verification and promotion.
5. The band member must be considered nice looking by the general public. Just because your mom says you’re cute, doesn’t mean that you really are. Anyone that looks like George Costanza or former WWE wrestler, King Kong Bundy, need not apply.
6. The penis must be erect in the picture. No one wants to look at your floppy dick. PlayGirl Magazine also has that same rule.
When sending in a submission the following information must be included:
- Name of band
- The city and state the band is based out of
- Name of the band member that the picture is of
- Band Member’s position in the band, lead singer, bass player etc
- The band’s website – this will be posted underneath the picture
Pictures will be published under the discretion of StaticBeth.com. I have a keen eye for fakes, so Photoshopped penises are not accepted.
Please send submissions to email@example.com and enter ‘unsigned cock’ in the subject line.
Size Queen of the Stars
July 2003 Sludgette of the Month
Hey, we’re just spreading the word. Don’t fucking send cock pictures to us! Donna Anderson might like that shit, but no one else wants to get nasty pictures of your drippy jimmy-john in their inbox. So send pics to Beth! Not us. Thanks.