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Metal Sludge invades Rock Never Stop Tour, 8/19/05


Metal Sludge Invades Rock Never Stops Tour!

Welcome to another installment of Metal Sludge’s behind-the-scenes look at this summer’s big rock packages! Recently we brought you an exclusive report from the American Metal Blast Tour, featuring 9 interviews with members of L.A. Guns, Metal Church and W.A.S.P. conducted by our 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year, C.C. Banana. The Banana did such a good job that on July 31st we sent him back out on the road, this time to the North Fork Theater in Westbury, NY to cover the Rock Never Stops Tour! Even though things didn’t turn out exactly as planned, C.C. managed to snag another 9 interviews with various members of Cinderella, Ratt, Quiet Riot and Firehouse! We’ll let the Banana himself fill you in on the rest:

Howdy, Sludge!

As you know, this past weekend I had planned to shoot some funny video interviews with all the bands on the Rock Never Stops Tour, much like I had done during Poison’s 2002 Hollyweird Tour (and as seen in my home video, BACKSTAGE BANANA). Everything had been arranged in advance through headliners Cinderella, and the other bands on the bill were all cool with the idea. Unfortunately, after shooting an introductory segment in the parking lot and a brief interview with Quiet Riot bassist Chuck Wright, venue security pulled the plug on the whole operation. They also informed me that despite my credentials I was not welcome inside the building while wearing the banana suit. Typical venue bullshit.

Disappointed and frustrated though I was by this unforeseen setback, my bad luck was about to get even worse. For while loading the video equipment back into the Bananamobile, my key actually broke off in the door lock! I wasn’t immediately worried, since I always carry a spare key just to be safe. Unbelievably, my spare key turned out to be broken as well! Now stranded on Long Island and with few options remaining to salvage this endeavor, I resorted to acquiring several audio interviews with the bands as I had done on the American Metal Blast Tour a few weeks prior. Fortunately, the guys were extremely accommodating and I managed to get interviews with at least one member from each of the four bands. Having seen their respective performances just two days earlier at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, I am happy to report that all are sounding great and this tour is not to be missed! As for the Bananamobile…

It ultimately had to be towed off the premises to spend the night at a local garage. Mercifully, a few kind Sludgettes I was lucky enough to encounter schlepped my sorry yellow ass all the way back home to NJ! If nothing else, completion of the following article despite the above series of unfortunate events should be proof positive that when life hands you lemons, you can always make lemonade! Until my next adventure…


C.C. Banana

Sounds like C.C. had a run of bad luck there! Maybe he forgot to sacrifice a virgin or pray to Ronnie James Dio or something. At least he had some tasty lemonade to keep up his spirits while he figured out a way of saving the day. Wait a minute… a banana drinking lemonade? Wouldn’t that be like cannibalism or something? That’s got to be wrong somehow.

Anyway, you know how this works by now, faithful Sludgeaholics: lots of bands, lots of members and lots of retarded questions. Read them all the way through and we’ll meet you at the bottom of the page!

Click here to watch C.C. Banana introduce our Rock Never Stops coverage!


Quiet Riot bassist Chuck Wright

C.C. Banana and Choke, er, CHUCK Wright. Chuck was the only person C.C. was able to interview on camera before venue security put the kibosh on his plans. Poor Banana.

Click here to watch C.C. Banana interview Chuck Wright of Quiet Riot!


Quiet Riot guitarist Alex Grossi

C.C. Banana and Alex Grossi

Who are you and why should we care?
Well, I don’t know why you should care but my name is Alex and I am the new guitarist for Quiet Riot. I was in a band called Beautiful Creatures but now I’m in Quiet Riot and we’re doing the Rock Never Stops Tour with Ratt, FireHouse and the wonderful Cinderella who are kicking ass every night. So that’s who I am and what I’m doing and who I’m with.

Other than your own, which tour bus would you most like to be traveling in?
My own! I wouldn’t want to be on any of the other ones. Our tour bus driver is great, we tool on him all the time and he has a really good sense of humor.

How many past and present members of Quiet Riot can you name?
Oh, let’s see, ummm… probably a good amount of them. I’ve done my research! Let’s see… Randy Rhoads, Kevin Dubrow, Drew Forsyth, um, Kenny Hillery, Chuck Wright, Frankie Banali, Rudy Sarzo, Carlos Cavazo, oh, uh… Bobby Rondinelli! From Long Island, of course, where we are now. Uh… oh! Kelly Garni! Bass player. Um… that’s really all I can name. That’s a pretty good amount of them. Good job, Alex. You did forget Paul Shortino and Sean McNabb from the self-titled Quiet Riot album of 1987, but we’ll let you slide since you probably hadn’t even been born yet. Oh, wait a minute… it’s actually your former bandmate Anthony Focx who keeps bumping up his birthday, not you. Never mind.

What do you think Carlos Cavazo is doing right now?
I really have no idea. I’ve never met him, I just learned his guitar parts. But from what I hear he’s a nice guy.

If Quiet Riot were made into action figures (a la Kiss or Motley Crue), what would your action feature be?
My action figure? Oh, it would sleep a lot! And it would definitely not be able to drive a car. Though at this point it would probably be able to put on eyeliner in the dark.

Name 3 songs from the "Down to the Bone" CD.
You got me there.

What is your favorite thing about Metal Sludge?
The fact that it takes something that a lot of people take seriously and pokes fun at it in an intelligent way. And the fact that it is also a great vehicle for bands like Cinderella, Ratt, FireHouse, Quiet Riot, Tuff, Poison, Enuff Z’Nuff or any band from the 80’s genre to still have a place where people can find out what they’re doing. A lot of mainstream radio and media has turned its back on this kind of music and it’s a great outlet for the fans and the bands to keep in touch with each other. Any tour that’s announced, it’s always on Metal Sludge. Any news pertaining to any of the bands or their members (personal lives included), it’s on there. If you want to find out what the members of Trixter are up to, Rolling Stone or Spin Magazine aren’t going to tell you. However, Metal Sludge will. It’s funny and it’s also informative, and there’s really no other place that does that. Being both a fan and a guy who’s played in about half the bands they report on… I think it’s a great thing. That’s what I love about it. Alex, if you’re trying to get us to send you free shit it’s just not going to work. You’ll have to pay for it like everybody else. But thanks for the nice compliment.

Which 80’s rock band do you intend to join next?
I plan to stay with Quiet Riot. We’re doing a record this fall and I’m very, very happy where I am.

Will Keri Kelli be replacing any members of your band during this tour?
I don’t think so because Quiet Riot only has one guitar player. Um, but you know, we have gone through a few crew guys, so you never know…

What would your Indian name be?
My Indian name? Ummm… oh, jeez… that’s a good one. Uhhh… "Guitar Matches Boots!"

Which is your favorite Power Ranger?
The pink one!

Can I have a hug?
Of course you can have a hug, C.C.!

For more information about the man who really likes to kiss our ass and is all too quick to hug a fruit, visit:


FireHouse bassist Allen McKenzie

C.C. Banana with Rock Never Stops Tour tech Kyle and Allen McKenzie

Who are you and why should we care?
Well, I’m Allen McKenzie and I’m the new bass player for FireHouse. I’ve been with the band for about 2 years and I guess you really shouldn’t care.

Other than your own, which tour bus would you most like to be traveling in?
Hmmm… well, I’ve only been on 2 tour buses: our own, and one back when I played with Jani Lane. You actually played with Jani Lane? Don’t worry Allen, we won?t hold that against you.

Why do the Asians love FireHouse so much?
My God, I can’t even pinpoint that! My only experience with that was when we played in India in December. It was one show. We headlined in front of 40,000 people in a stadium! And these people knew every word to every song. I was in shock! I mean, we might as well have been Led Zeppelin! This was way new for me, because before Jani and before FireHouse I played in bars in front of like 30 people. NOTE to Allen: Jani is still playing in bars in front of like 30 people, so consider yourself lucky. You know, struggling back in Akron, Ohio. So I can’t explain it. Over there in Asia, not just FireHouse but the whole rock genre in general is adored. Absolutely loved. People just really grasp onto that music, really hold it to their hearts. It’s an amazing thing.

What do you think Elvis would be doing if he were alive today?
I imagine he would be enjoying the benefits of a very well-put-together nursing home.

Have you finally found your love of a lifetime?
I have. Her name is Tina and I plan on marrying her in October. And we plan to raise our children together. She’s a wonderful woman.

Allen carries his new bride over the threshold.

Name 3 songs from the "O2" album.
Uhhh… you know what? This is a confession: when I joined the band, I did well to simply name 3 FireHouse songs period! But from the "02" album I think I can name maybe "The Dark," and that’s really the only one I can name. I know that Bruce Waibel played on that record and he was a phenomenal talent. Incredible talent, you know? I feel flattered that FireHouse picked me as bass player to follow in the footsteps of people like him and Perry Richardson.

Which 80’s rock band do you intend to join next?
I plan to be in FireHouse for quite some time. I haven’t really made any plans, you know?

Give me 2 words that rhyme with your first name.
I can give you 1 word that rhymes with my last name: FRENZY!

How many autographs do you sign on a nightly basis?
Oh, my God! I couldn’t even estimate it. Tonight I signed none, since the venue was too small and there were no facilities to do a meet & greet. But on average, I can’t even count. I sign so many things in the course of a night: T-shirts, CDs, ticket stubs, napkins, boobs, you know… I try my best!

For more information about the man who has signed countless boobs and is adored by 40,000 Indians, visit:


Ratt vocalist Jizzy Pearl

C.C. Banana and Jizzy Pearl: Metal Sludge Tour Diary veterans!

Who are you and why should we care?
I’m Jizzy Pearl and… I don’t know. Does anyone really care?

How would you compare this current Rock Never Stops Tour to other package tours you have been on?
Uh… less girls, more booze.

How much money from a $40 tour shirt do you personally receive?
That’s easy. Absolutely $0.

How many tribute albums have you played on?
How many are there?

Which Love/Hate song would make a cool addition to the Ratt set?
Uh… "Blackout in the Red Room."

Did Ratt ever consider Gary Cherone or Tim Owens to replace Stephen Pearcy?
Nah, it was either me or Robert Mason. I won by default when Robert decided not to do it.

Would Ratt ever consider recording a new CD with you singing the old Pearcy tunes, kind of like Anthrax recently did with John Bush?
That’s the $64 question. I’d probably say… I don’t know.

Do you wish you were on the American Metal Blast Tour instead?
Definitely no.

What is your favorite thing about Metal Sludge?
My tour diary.

How much money have you spent on Kiss collectibles over the years?
That’s easy. Nothing.
So I guess all that money you made on the tour shirts went right to the Kiss collectibles.

Give me 2 words that rhyme with your first name.
"The Mizz," and um… I don’t know…
How about "fizzy?" Or "tizzy? "

Do you wish Don Dokken was on this tour?
Uh… I don’t know. Don’s a cool guy. Why not?

How many original members should a band have in order to be allowed to use the name?
Oh, that’s a tough one. At least 2.

Can I have a hug?

Preferring not to pose for a photo while hugging an enormous fruit, Jizzy instead chooses to flick the top of C.C.’s Banana! Jizzy must not like to hug people, since he also refused to hug our 2001 Sludgeaholic of the Year Jim Bob Dwarf during the Metal Edge Rock Fest in 2002. Jizzy writes a great tour diary but he really needs to loosen up with the man-on-man embraces!

For more information about what gets fizzy Jizzy in a tizzy, visit:


Quiet Riot vocalist Kevin Dubrow

C.C. Banana with Alex Grossi, Kevin Dubrow and Kevin’s brand-new hair!

That’s a good look for you. I’ve never seen Kevin Dubrow with straight hair before.
Yeah, that’s my Rod Stewart thing.
You’re actually in pretty good shape for an 84-year-old.
Thank you. That’s a good look for you, too.
You like it?
Yeah, but it’s all stained on the top.
It’s a lot of sweat and mildew.
Yeah, I can see that. You might wanna try some Febreze.
From the back of the bus, Alex Grossi leaps into action and squirts a few shots of Febreze at C.C.’s Banana!
Thanks, Alex! I can take a hint!

How would you compare this current Rock Never Stops Tour to other package tours you have been on?
Oh, boy. We’ve been on a lot of package tours. This is probably the best Rock Never Stops Tour I’ve been on because of Cinderella, who treat us almost like we’re the headliner. They have no head trips about anything as far as stage room, they don’t pull any nonsense about the girls that they have backstage, it’s without all the usual quirks that bands have. So it’s been really fun. Also, because this version of Quiet Riot is musically the best one since Randy Rhoads was alive. The whole thing has been just great. We’re having a really great time because we have a line-up that I like. It’s musically valid now.

If Quiet Riot were made into action figures (a la Kiss or Motley Crue), what would your action feature be?
Ummm… a really large mouth.

How many tribute albums have you played on?
Oh, God… let’s see, I did Def Leppard, Van Halen, Scorpions, Guns N’ Roses, uh… and I think Led Zeppelin. So I did 5 of them. The only one that I liked was the Def Leppard one. Fred Coury actually did the mix. In general, I don’t like tribute CDs. I think they’re shit, I think they’re just totally shit. You know why? Because you can’t do better than the original bands did. Although my friend Glenn Hughes has sung on a couple of them, and he did an amazing job because he’s such an amazing singer. But so many of these bands have such distinctive sounds. You can make it your own but you’re not gonna make it any better.

I thought you guys did a great job on "Highway to Hell."
Oh, that one! Well, that’s different because we played it as a band. I forgot about that one. I thought you just meant ones that I did as Kevin Dubrow, not as Quiet Riot. That one was good. But still, Bon Scott was such a magical singer, you know? So we did it just like Quiet Riot would do it. But with tribute albums, it is what it is, unless you’re gonna do something completely different. When we covered "Cum On Feel the Noize" by Slade, we did a completely different arrangement.

Do you feel left out because John Kalodner never refused to release one of your records?
NOTE: John Kalodner signed both Ratt and Cinderella to Sony’s Portrait imprint in the late 1990s. He ended up never releasing any music from Cinderella and would not release a new Ratt CD with any vocalist other than Stephen Pearcy. Sucks to be them, huh?
John Kalodner never even wanted to sign Quiet Riot. He never liked us, never got it, and uh… to be honest with you, I have absolutely no thoughts one way or the other about John Kalodner. But he never liked Quiet Riot.
Never liked Quiet Riot? How is that possible?
Well, he doesn’t like a lot of people. Rudy Sarzo once told me that Kalodner used to stand on the side of the stage and throw stuff at Great White, and then he went ahead and signed them when he was at Sony. So I have nothing against John Kalodner, but my general opinion is that if you work for a record company, you know nothing about music. Because record companies have nothing to do with music. They release it, but they have nothing to do with the art of it.

What is your favorite thing about Metal Sludge?
Uh, when they hammer people who deserve it! And they certainly have a lot of ammunition with "Celebrity FAT Club," which justifies everything I said about last year’s Bad Boys of Metal Tour. But I do have a criticism of Metal Sludge: I think they haven’t hammered people enough lately! 3 years ago, when they were attacking me, they were great because they were really letting people have it. I think they should go back to being really mean because I sure can’t be the one to do it! I’m not afraid of them, I love it when they hammer me. I think it’s hilarious! I "get it!" So I love Metal Sludge. You know I’m a huge supporter, but I think they need to get meaner again.

Well Kevin, we could start off by pointing out that your new hair inexplicably sits about 2 inches higher than your actual scalp, but that would seem to be unnecessarily harsh, considering how we like you so much. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

Have you ever thought about selling collectable copies of the Quiet Riot mask?
We did! We sold it in the 80’s. I still have 4 or 5 of them at home. It was like a plastic Halloween mask and it said "Quiet Riot" on the top. Yeah, we did that a long time ago.

Who’s dreamier: Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise?
Oh, Brad Pitt.

What do you think Kiss should do next?
What should Kiss do next? I don’t know, I’m not a Kiss fan. I never was, so I really don’t care what they do. What Gene Simmons shouldn’t do is try to hit on my girlfriends when he’s out in public. Because as I’ve said once before, he makes me look like Brad Pitt! So trying to hit on my girlfriends is really ridiculous, I don’t care how long your tongue is!

Were you surprised to learn that Tony Orlando is gay?
Is he?
I don’t think so.
Oh! (laughs) I’m surprised!
NOTE: As far as we know, Tony Orlando is not gay. We just threw that in to see if we could trick people into talking some shit. His music is pretty gay, though.

Name 3 Quiet Riot songs you would like to play in concert but don’t because nobody would know them.
Well, "Don’t Know What I Want" from "Alive and Well" is my favorite Quiet Riot song ever and we couldn’t do it because the bass player couldn’t play it and the guitar player wouldn’t ever watch the drummer. We tried it a couple of times and it wasn’t played well. "Don’t Know What I Want" is a Who-type song and you really have to be paying attention and you can’t be licking your instrument or being in a haze of pot smoke. With that criteria, you won’t be able to play something right. But that’s the only song, to be honest with you.

Personally, I would love to hear you play something like "Monday Morning Breakdown" or "Voodoo Brew." Those are great songs.
You know, "Monday Morning Breakdown" was actually called "A Touch of Evil" when we wrote it. Frankie wrote the lyrics and I produced that album. I didn’t like the title because it sounded too much like a Ronnie Dio title. I thought that we should come up with something else, so we came up with "Monday Morning Breakdown." The only time I ever sang that song was when we recorded it. I never even sang it in rehearsal because Frankie wrote the lyrics to that one. We never played it live.

Then what songs did you play on the tour for "Down to the Bone?"
Oh, that’s easy. I know what we played. We played "Dig," we played "Pretty Pack O’ Lies," we played "Whatever It Takes," which we also did a couple of years ago. We started the show off with the intro to "Voodoo Brew" and then went into "Main Attraction." When Bobby Rondinelli was playing drums for us, we even did "In Trouble Again." Oh, and we did "Down to the Bone!" I played acoustic guitar on that. So that’s quite a few, actually! Yeah, when we first released "Down to the Bone" we did a bunch of songs off it. We opened with "Whatever It Takes," "Slick Black Cadillac," and "Dig." "Pretty Pack O’ Lies" was later on in the set. Oh, and we also did our cover of "All Day and All of the Night" as the encore on that tour. So we did almost half the album!

Do you still play stuff from "Guilty Pleasures?"
No. We played that album to death, but one of the problems with "Guilty Pleasures" was that version of Quiet Riot never rehearsed. And every time we tried to do something new they wouldn’t take the time or they would learn it wrong. We’d get to sound check and nobody would have it right. So it was really hard to do anything new. We were playing "Vicious Circle" and "Rock the House" on that tour, we did "Feel the Pain," but the songs got so convoluted by people overplaying them that we just stopped doing stuff from that album.

I have a bad taste in my mouth from that whole period. You know how I feel about one of those people. So I almost wanted to start with a clean slate and do stuff from a period that I associate with musical credibility, for lack of a better term. We actually had to stop playing "The Wild and The Young!" We had filmed it for our live DVD but it was just so terrible that we couldn’t release it. Now we’re performing the song again, as you saw tonight.

Even though we’re only playing 35 minutes on this tour, tomorrow night we’re playing our own show in Sayreville, NJ and we’re doing an hour and a half. We’ll do "Put Up or Shut Up" and "Slick Black Cadillac," then we’ll do "Love’s A Bitch" and "Condition Critical," another song we had to stop playing with the other line-up because it was just so bad. Um, "Mama Weer All Crazee Now," "Thunderbird," "Burn On the Flame" from my solo album, "The Wild and The Young" and "Let’s Get Crazy." Chuck does "Bass Case" from "QRIII." Oh, and "Breathless" from "Metal Health." We didn’t play that song in the 80s, but we just brought it back. I think it sounds great, Alex plays the shit out of it! When he learned it, he told me that he really likes that song. And whenever somebody says that he likes a song, that means he’s playing it really well! That’s one of the nice things about Alex.

Also, when we recorded "Condition Critical," Carlos played the solo through a Leslie cabinet, which is a rotating Hammond organ speaker. Alex has managed to recreate the lead sound exactly like the original record. He’s got the sound exact, it’s really pretty neat. So when you hear us play "Condition Critical" live it sounds just like the record.

Very nice! Wow, that was actually more than I was expecting!
My pleasure.

Whew! Looks like Kevin and the Banana strayed a bit from the planned interview questions toward the end there! Still, they touched on some interesting stuff from a forgotten era of Quiet Riot history (a.k.a. the 1990s). For more information about the man who doesn’t appreciate Gene Simmons hitting on his women, visit:


Ratt bassist Robbie Crane

C.C. Banana and Robbie Crane

Who are you and why should we care?
I am the fat brown bass player from Ratt and the reason you should care is because I will sit on you if you don’t.

How many members of the tour should no longer be going shirtless?
Including me… 46.

How many tribute albums have you played on?
Absolutely none. I don’t believe it tribute albums. The only albums I play on are my own, although I do play in tribute bands left and right.

How many autographs do you sign on a nightly basis?
Uh, depending on whether or not they’re my release papers… 2 or 3.

Which 80s rock band do you intend to join next?
Well, I tried to join Ratt but they wouldn’t let me. So they just told me to play bass and shut up. And I tried to join Motley Crue, but Nikki was bigger than I was. Plus he wrote all the songs!

Which Love/Hate song would make a cool addition to the Ratt set?
Well, I’m a little picky when it comes to my Love/Hate songs. I think maybe "Rock Queen." And then I’d go for "Yucca Man."

How many new Ratt songs are sitting around unfinished, just waiting for a new record deal?

What is your favorite thing about Metal Sludge?
The fact that Stevie Rachelle is one of my longtime friends and that I get to hang out with C.C. Banana!

Robbie Crane sucking up to C.C. Banana.

Have you ever attended a concert by Union?
I sure have. And I only fell asleep twice! No, no, I love Union. John and Bruce are great. And Jamie Hunting is one of the best bass players out there. Seriously, one of the best.

What do you think about Queensryche recording a sequel to "Operation: Mindcrime?"
I didn’t hear that. But I toured with Queensryche in Europe this summer and I think they’re good guys. I was actually impressed with their new guitar player.

What would your Indian name be?
It would be "Eat Some More-alakian." Or "Leave My Girl Alone-ian."

Would Ratt ever consider recording a new CD with Jizzy Pearl singing the old Pearcy tunes, kind of like Anthrax recently did with John Bush?
Uh, absolutely not. I think that if we did that, I would have to hang myself by a guitar string.

Will Keri Kelli be replacing any members of your band during this tour?
Keri Kelli already was a member of our band, so he can’t replace anybody. Would we bring him back? Unfortunately, no. He’s my brother and I love him but we have JohnCorabi.com who is the hottest piece of ass this side of Guam.

How many of Stephen Pearcy’s other bands can you name?
Uh, I can name 3 of them. Vertex, because I played bass for them; Ratt, because that was one of his other bands; uh, and I can also name Mickey Ratt. I can actually keep going if you want me to. How about Vicious Delite, Arcade… and the band he has now, which is awesome. I love Stephen, he’s my brother and I wish he was hanging out with us more often.

Do you wish you were on the American Metal Blast Tour instead?
I don’t know what the American Metal Blast Tour is. How about a Mexican blast?
That’s the tour Stephen is on right now.
Oh, yeah! I just call it the W.A.S.P. tour. I love all the guys in W.A.S.P., they’re my bros. The L.A. Guns guys, Adam and Phil and Steven and all those guys, they’re my brothers and I love them. And Stephen Pearcy, of course, he’s part of our family and we love him. We wish him the best.

Boy, Robbie sure does have a lot of brothers! And he really seems to love just about everybody on the planet! For more information about everybody’s best friend, visit:


Ratt guitarist John Corabi

C.C. Banana (slouching) and John Corabi

Who are you and why should we care?
Ehhh… I’m somebody that used to be in a couple of different bands that used to be really famous. And if I were you, I wouldn’t care either. How do you like that?

How many members of the tour should no longer be going shirtless?
Hmmm, that’s a good one. I know I’m one. I think me and Robbie Crane. Actually, Robbie’s the only one I really look at because we share a bunk.
Awww, that’s adorable. Sounds kind of cozy.

Do you have any desire to join Dio or White Lion?
No, I’m actually saving myself for the Danger Danger reunion. And I put my name in the hat for the Saigon Kick reunion. After that, I think I’ve played with pretty much every band known to man.

Do you wish you were playing in Grand Funk Railroad?
Actually, I would fucking love that! Grand Funk is one of my all-time favorite bands. I’m being totally serious. But um… I don’t know if I could compete with Bruce Kulick on vocals. If you remember, Bruce was shot on Sunset Boulevard a couple of years ago. That was me trying to get his gig!

How many original members should a band have in order to be allowed to use the name?
As long as the original bus driver is there, it’s all good.

C.C. Banana and the original bus driver for Ratt (a.k.a. Bobby Blotzer), who posed for a picture but declined a request for an interview. He must have been busy preparing for a big drive to The Cheesecake Factory or something.

How many new Ratt songs are sitting around unfinished, just waiting for a new record deal?
How many extra banana suits do you have?
You have one more than we have original songs.

What is your favorite thing about Metal Sludge?
Um… hmmm… my favorite thing about Metal Sludge… oh! Actually, my favorite thing about Metal Sludge is that it’s where I found out that my now-ex-wife was cheating on me. That was in 2001.
I’m sorry.
No, don’t apologize, I love it! It’s a good thing. I go there and check in every now and then. It’s a good way to check on your dates. Especially the women I meet! I learned for next time that if they sleep with Stevie Rachelle, I ain’t gonna fuck around with ‘em.

How do you think the next Brides of Destruction album will sell, now that Nikki Sixx has left the band?
John puts his nose right up to the microphone and makes a loud snoring sound! (waking up) Huh? What? Excuse me? (laughs) That was a snore, by the way. So if you need to type that out, it’s (s-n-o-r-e) in parentheses. Thank you.

At this point, C.C. Banana and John move closer to the fans who have assembled to watch their interview. That was probably a mistake, since now every wannabe comedian in the crowd attempts to answer the questions before John can.

What do you think Carlos Cavazo is doing right now?
Selling his Gibson Les Paul!
Selling fruit!
He’s in his old band, Snow!
I’m, uh… I’m not sure but I’m getting a shovel out so I can dig myself a hole.

If Jizzy Pearl were suddenly incapacitated, who would best be suited to write his Metal Sludge tour diary?
Hmmm… I’m thinking… the original bus driver.

How many tribute albums have you played on?
Alphabetically? Ummm… I’m still waiting for the Zebra tribute. After that, I’ll have them all covered.

Name 3 songs from 1999 Ratt CD.
"Over the Edge!"
Thank you! Actually, I was trying to think of that but I couldn’t remember the name of the song. Thank you. And uh…
"Live for Today!"
See? I knew that, too! And what’s the fast one at the end?
"Ratt Madness?"
No, that’s on "Collage."
"It Ain’t Easy."
It ain’t easy to name all these songs, either. Hey, I don’t even like Ratt! (the fans laugh) But I didn’t like Motley either, so there you go. You know what? When the Crue were getting ready to go on tour, they asked me, "Have you ever seen us live before?" And I go, "No." "Do you have any of our records?" I go, "No." And they were laughing, they thought I was being funny! All my records are old, like Zeppelin, The Beatles, Aerosmith, Grand Funk, Trapeze, Free, Humble Pie… that’s what I listen to.

Name an animal that does not have 4 legs.
An animal that doesn’t have 4 legs… (thinking) An animal that doesn’t have 4 legs… (still thinking)
Blackie Lawless!
There you go! I was just thinking that, thank you very much. See, I’m getting audience participation here. This is a good thing.

The above slam at Blackie Lawless was uttered by adorable Sludgette Nikki, who also asked that C.C. Banana sign her arm! If the Banana plays his cards right he might just score some underage peel tonight.

Were you surprised to learn that Tony Orlando is gay?

Britney Spears or Britny Fox?
Are you serious?
Do I look serious?
Britny Fox. They look better in spandex.

Did Ratt ever consider Gary Cherone or Tim Owens to replace Stephen Pearcy?
Probably. But after the last Van Halen sales with Gary, I imagine they changed their minds. Which I can relate to as well, with the Motley thing.
There’s a rumor that he’s like Tony Orlando!
Hey, I didn’t say that! It was the guy in the gray T-shirt.

NOTE: Again, Tony Orlando is not gay! Where on earth do rumors like this get started? Oh, wait… never mind…

Will Keri Kelli be replacing any members of your band during this tour?
I don’t know. There’s a possibility of that.

Which is your favorite Power Ranger?
You know, he always gets killed in the end, but the black one. There was a black one, wasn’t there?

John Corabi demonstrates his favorite Power Ranger karate moves on C.C. Banana!

How many of Stephen Pearcy’s other bands can you name?
And Vertex!
Are we all doing this collectively now, people?
Yeah, how many of Stephen Pearcy’s other bands can we all name?
There was the one with Fred Coury!
That was Arcade.
What was it, "Nocturnal?"
You mean Nitronic.
Vicious Delite! V.D.!
How many people here go to Metal Sludge?
The crowd cheers!
Well, there you go.

Wow, John really seemed to be getting into that! He answered more questions than anybody else! For more information about the only white guy brave enough to wear dreadlocks, visit:


Cinderella drummer Fred Coury

C.C. Banana and Fred Coury

Who are you and why should we care?
Uhhh… you shouldn’t really care. My name is Fred, and I am me.

If Cinderella were made into action figures (a la Kiss or Motley Crue), what would your action feature be?
My action feature? Oh boy… what would a good action feature be for me? I just don’t know, I have so many features.

At this point, Fred’s bandmate Eric Brittingham chimes in!

He would save he world by shopping!
Yeah, I would save the world by shopping! I love to shop!
I heard that about you. You must have feminine genes.
No, Jeff wears feminine jeans! I just love to shop. I’m a shopaholic.
What’s the last thing you bought?
Oh, I don’t buy anything. It’s all given to me. I got this diamond bracelet a couple of days ago.
He shops with other people so they can buy him shit.

Whose bright idea was it to put out yet another Cinderella greatest hits CD?
That would be the record company, for sure. Because now we’ve got 5 greatest hits CDs. We’re gonna do some live greatest hits CDs now, load you up with them. We’ve got 3 more to do.
Anything from this tour? A DVD or something? Because you need a 3rd DVD too, you know.
Of course we do. We’ll see. We’re working on something.

How much money have you spent on Kiss collectibles over the years?
You know, I have bought… none. No, not a damn thing. But I go to friends’ houses and take them.
Kind of like your shopping sprees.
That’s true.

Have you ever sung along to a song by Slaughter?
Actually, I did a show with Mark. Yeah, in Nashville we did a little thing, like 6 songs. It was really fun. Dana Strum wasn’t in it, it was good.

Which is your favorite Power Ranger?
Favorite Power Ranger? Uhhh… Tonto! That’s right, the guy on the horse. I don’t know anything about the Power Rangers, but the kids love those guys. And they love the Boohbahs. Do you know the Boohbahs? I have a Boohbah. And it makes 3 sounds. It goes "Chchchchchchchchchch!" That’s one sound. The other sound goes, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" And the last one goes, "Boooooh-baaaaaaah!" And they’re so evil! Those guys and the Teletubbies, they’re evil. They see that smiling baby in the sky and then they all jump into a hole. Yeah, that’s normal! That’s straight from the Devil, man.

C.C. Banana interviews a man who enjoys a good Boohbah.

Name an animal that does not have 4 legs.
An animal that does not have 4 legs? Jeff LaBar’s last dog. He used to take him out for a drag.

Tell us one good Sebastian Bach story.
Okay. Japan, 1988 or 1989. We played a show with Bon Jovi, Skid Row, London Quireboys… 1990. This was in 1990 at the Big Egg. NOTE: The Big Egg is the nickname for Japan’s famous Tokyo Dome, for the benefit of you youngsters. All these Japanese businessmen were walking down the hallway of the hotel and Sebastian just pulled his dick out and started doing a helicopter with it! (laughs) And two of the Japanese guys were going, "Look, look, look, look! It’s so big! It’s so big!" And all the rest of them were going, "It’s so small! It’s so small!" If the Japanese are telling you that you have a small friggin’ schlong, that’s a bad sign. But yeah, he was doing that. It’s true.
What did you do?
I ran.

Who’s dreamier: Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise?
Well, I’ll tell ya. Tom Cruise was, until he started loving everybody and jumping up and down and kind of freaking out. So I’m gonna have to go with… no dudes, man! Neither one of them is dreamy.

For more information on the man who has seen Sebastian Bach’s penis but would never date Tony Ornando, visit:


Cinderella bassist Eric Brittingham

C.C. Banana and Eric Brittingham

Who are you and why should we care?
I don’t know! I’ve been wondering that for 45 fucking years myself!

How many autographs do you sign on a nightly basis?
I don’t know, probably like 3 or 4. I fucking hate people! (laughs) Nah, I don’t hate people, I just avoid ‘em. And I do a damn good job! That’s my responsibility. It used to be Fred’s but he passed the torch.

Which do you think the world will see first: apes ruling the planet or a new album by Cinderella?
Planet of the Apes, for sure!

How many tribute albums have you played on?
Actually, none. I was supposed to play on an Ace Frehley CD with Sebastian Bach. It was me, Eddie Ojeda, Sebastian Bach and Rob Affuso. And it turned out friggin’ awesome! We turned it in and the label guys thought it sucked, so they didn’t put it on there! You know why? Because it sounded exactly like the original version, and they wanted some shredding bullshit or whatever. So fuck ‘em! Now I can proudly say that I didn’t play on a tribute record. But I did play on Bret Michaels’ new record and I didn’t even know it! He had me come down and asked if I wanted to play bass on a few songs, and I said yes. I thought it was for a friggin’ demo! (laughs) But he put it on the record!

Name 3 songs from the "Still Climbing" CD.
"Still Climbing," that’s a pretty good one. We’re playing that song on this tour, as you know. "Blood from a Stone" and um… "Bad Attitude Shuffle." There you go! It took me a little while.

How much money from a $40 tour shirt do you personally receive?
From a $40 tour shirt I personally receive, well… (makes calculator noise) How about making it $30? It will be easier. At $30… (makes calculator noise again) about $1.

What do you think Kiss should do next?
I don’t know. Fucking smile and cash some more checks!

Do you wish Don Dokken was on this tour?
I was already on tour with him and I didn’t even know it! He actually missed 4 songs of his fucking set one night because he was sleeping! Jeff Pilson went out and sang the first 4 songs, then all of a sudden he saw Don charging the stage! That was great. I think I talked to him once that whole tour. And it was like, "Hey, Don!" Stimulating conversation.

Have you ever attended a concert by Union?
Yeah, they played with us when we played the Key Club. They opened for us the night we recorded that live CD.

What would your Indian name be?
Well, I am part Indian. My grandmother was Indian. So I guess my Indian name would be "Eric Brittingham!"

Who would win in a fight: Superman or The Hulk?
Superman or The Hulk? I was never a fan of either, really.
Do you have a favorite superhero?
Uhhh, I like The Thing. I haven’t seen the "Fantastic Four" movie yet, but they probably fucked that up too.

How many members of the tour should no longer be going shirtless?
Oh, my God! Me, for one! Probably 8 out of 10.

C.C. Banana with Fred Coury and Eric Brittingham, with shirts for those members of the tour who need to cover up. When Eric received his shirt he responded, "You got me a small? This won’t even fit over my dick!"

Do you wish you were on the Gigantour instead?
This is the Gigantour! Come on, what’s wrong with you? Where have you been? This is great! We have our own PA and lights and everything. We always make the best of every situation. That’s why people come out and see us, they want to get their money’s worth. But they’re not gonna get an autograph from me, because I hate people.

For more information on the man who hates people but whose penis would impress even the Japanese, visit:


Well, that was pretty damn cool, huh? A banana’s eye view of the Rock Never Stops Tour, courtesy of our honorary badwill ambassador to the hard rock community! Speaking of which, C.C. Banana asked us to make sure that we thank a few people for helping to make these interviews possible, including tour personnel Larry, Jeff, Marisa, Brian, Kyle, Anthony, Craig, Andy and some Asian guy whose name C.C. kept forgetting (although he probably had a big penis). The Banana also wanted to thank his videographer Jillian as well as the lifesaving Sludgette duo of DefLepChick and Laura for not leaving him stranded so far from home in the wee hours of the morning! Thanks also to all the bands on the tour for answering our asinine questions and for allowing a six-foot banana to roam freely in their midst. Maybe next time we’ll send out a rubber dog puppet with a cigar or something. Although we can only hope that he gets his car keys from a more reputable place.

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