Home / News / Bonus Sludge / Results of the Metal Sludge Band-Off! 4/15/05

Results of the Metal Sludge Band-Off! 4/15/05


The Zyris/Jester feud comes to an end

The results are in! The very first Metal Sludge Band-Off is now over and a winner has been elected by the Sludgeaholics. If you missed out and don’t know what we’re talking about, go catch up first before you read on. We don’t feel like having to explain this all over again, so if you think we’re going to backtrack one more time, you can go pry open your sphincter with a pair of salad tongs and hide your undeclared earnings up there. It is tax day, after all.

Alright, so let’s get to it. The votes have been tallied and we’re pleased to announce that the winner of the first-ever Metal Sludge Band-Off is none other than…






That’s right, they only won by 82 votes, but they still win the title and can now claim that they’re the winners of the 1st Band-Off as determined by the Sludgeaholics! And our Sludgeaholics are some of the most discriminating voters imaginable. They don’t fuck around! So you know that this poll represents the purest and most unbiased opinions on the planet.

Let’s take a closer look at the results:

Metal Sludge Band-Off Results
Which band wins the Band-Off?

Total votes 11327

  ZYRIS wins, hands down! (5082) 45%
  Fuck Zyris, JESTER rules! (5164) 46%
  It’s a draw (192) 2%
  I’m just glad I don’t live in New Jersey (889) 8%

Out of all the votes, 46% of you thought that Jester brought home the bacon, while a close 45% thought Zyris was the shizznit. And a good portion you are simply happy that you don’t live anywhere near New Jersey! Don’t worry, we understand.

Jester started out strong, but then Zyris pulled through, and at one point even surpassed Jester by several hundred votes. But in the end, Jester took the lead, and that means they win.

Pretty funny how there were less than 6300 page views, yet well over 11,300 votes at the time we closed the polls. Oh well, this isn’t an exact science like the fucking Nielsen polls, so deal with it.

Will the former members of Jester take this opportunity to gloat and to piss all over the member of Zyris? Fuck no, they’re being classy about it. Instead, they’ve chosen to show their appreciation to all of the Sludgeaholics who voted for them by reuniting one last time and playing a long-forgotten song from their glory days of old. So here’s the winner of the Band-Off with their fabled song "Tales From the Boogieman," just for you, here at Metal Sludge.

Jester - Tales from the Boogieman
Download Jester’s "Tales From the Boogieman"

(MP3, 6.89 MB)

Download it if you want and share it with your friends. Or don’t! We don’t care either way.

As a bonus, and for your enjoyment, here’s a few random comments and some helpful, constructive criticism left by the Sludgeaholics who voted:

No wonder Zack left zyris! They blow dog balls! Jester is tighter all the way around and has a better sound. It’s a shame they don’t have a record contract. I’d buy their shit.

Big fucking deal Zakk Wylde played in the band… it?s not like they were in a band with Jizzy Pearl.

both bands should kill themselves

Jester is OK I guess but Zyris is really, really, really, really, really, really, really awful. Would’ve better slightly better if they mentioned some Australian Beers. They always go on first right?

Jersey sucks!

Both of these bands eat the chode, but in the battle of the turd bowl… Jester is better. Hey dickheads, it’s 2005! Rooting off of the 46 went out beore the whole grunge thing came in…and that was 15 years ago.

I want the last 9 minutes of my life back!

Zyris’ song at least attempts to grab you by the sack!

The Zyris song would be alright if it had more ride cymbal in the chorus.

that zyris song blows, i think they should pack it in. jester at least sounds pro and used a clik track to record the drums. it makes a huge difference. that and the fact that they have already packed it in.

i’m into the song by zyris. catchy chorus, the jester one was way too cliche for my taste.

man that Zyris track eats a big old plate of dick, like a third rate Jackyl if that’s actually possible. Awful awful shit with lyrics ’bout various beverages, well done you hosers. These guys munch limp cock.

looks like a statistical dead heat, can’t imagine the interest in NJ. Who really cares, it’s New Jersey? Perhaps one day, if they freshen up the dead buffalo smell to the place, it might be worth flying over in a plane.

both bands SUCK ASS

DAMN! I’m gonna go buy that old Jester record now. frankly, it sounds like Zyris is just a bad Jester impersonator.

Jester got it I think because it was basically the best all round track. Nice hook, heavy riff, nice pop sensibility. Although Zyris was probably the more musically complex and ambitious, the vocal didn’t quite fit for me. Vinnie Paul drums, Bon Jovi vocals.

Zyris was better. jester was gay gay gay.

even though the zyris song isn’t recorded as good as Jester’s. I feel Zyris’ song is better written and more unique. Zyris wins.

Holy Shit, does Jester piss all over Zyris.

Maybe both bands could do their own "Bad Boys" tour this summer and kill each other. Sounds
like both singers lost their balls in a tragic accident on the NJ turnpike, either way.


A heavy Tesla clone versus a The Cult clone. Jesters is the least worst of both.

They both suck – now I am depressed that I live in Jersey.

While both bands rock…zyris wins for still slugging it out in 2005 while jester guys are busy working at the pizza place.


No originality prize for either of them, although I like the singer for Zyris better

Saw Zyris open for LA Guns in Pottsville, PA and I thought they were awesome!

Jester was always the better band without the help of a former big name in their band.

Lots of out of key singing always makes for good fun!

Jester rocks…plain and simple. They’re nice guys….they have catchy songs……….no doubt..jester is the better band

Gotta give the vote to zyris.at least the drummer had the balls to hang with sludge.he spoke his mind,gotta respect him for it.way to many fakes out there.best 10 questions ive ever read.

Jester?s song had more go in it, liked the guitars in the Zyris tune though

Zyris has betrer riff. Jester has hookier song.

They both need to commit suicide.

Jester: great vocals, cool hook, and better sound. Zyris: awful lyrics, generic riff, mediocre sound. American Angel, Hades, T.N.A., and Zenon all from N.J. and blow both these bands away. American Angel’s s/t Release is a must have!!!

Loved both bands but Jester’s "radio" rocked more

Jester’s song and vocals are better, but Zyris has a better guitar solo.

zyris song was catchy where as jesters was too bubblegum rock rock rock for me.my vote for zyris.

I liked them both.

that zyris dude cant sing his way out of a nut sac!

Jesters Tales From The Boogieman fuckin’ rules!

both bands suck. new jersey sucks. its full of guidos with slicked back hair wearing wife beaters, big gold chains, and driving around in their mustang 5.0’s. on top of that, its the white trash capitol of the world. horrible. horrible. Horrible


Bon Jovi is still the best thing to come out of NJ…How fucking sad is that?

It’s like comparing herpes to aids; they both suck, one just sucks a little less

Whiskey Mind has/had potential, but the recording/performance of it did not display any of it. Radio sounded like a song that would’ve been popular back in the late 80’s. It had a Bon Jovi/Skid Row vibe and I liked it.

does anybody have any old Jester CD’s?

www.nikkikc.com RULEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT! Zyris is like a heavier Tesla!!!

Fuck this shit, just make music and stop fucking around!!

…and I thought my old bands sucked….

Don’t blame Jersey for this; blame LA. These guys are living in the past (Sunset Strip 1989) EL LAME

Isn’t New Jersey New York City’s landfill?

Zyris blows, so cliche, just really a class d band….call it a day. Jester on the other hand is catchy and pretty good. The guitar player couldnt hold my jock but they are a better band….by the way they are on my I-pod WAAAAAAAY before this fued

Jester’s CD is produced better but the music is kinda lame. Zyris’s music is fucking terrible. It’s a good thing Zakk left while the getting was good.

jester was fucking retarded. zyris at least put on a good show at the birch hill all the time. jester =lame ass pole smoking fags

Who would win in a fight between Rocky and Rambo?

Maybe if you picked a better Zyris song? That one was TOO MUCH CHEESE!!!

zyris started out ok… then lost me about half way through. Like their Geritol wore off or maybe the booze kicked in. Jester’s was a better produced, more energetic, more consistent song – even IF the lyrics sucked ass.

Couldn’t get all the way thru the zyris song, did duff mackagen write the lyrics or something, this tune blew ass vomit

They both need a smack in the mouth

Zyris Suck they should call it a day

They both suck…who the fuck cares.

If you wanna see a real band go to www.headzupband.com

Someone please teach that fucker of a drummer in Zyris how to keep the beat

I think Zyris should look at finding a singer and maybe they wouldn’t suck so bad

The music to Jester is real good, but Zyris has the lyrics to back up the music.

At least Jester gave it up already Zyris you need to hang it up!!!!

zyris guitar player rocks but jester sounds heavier

The Zyris record sounds like it was mixed in a meat grinder…

Jesters is a better recording, Zyris has the better song

both bands are pretty lame, but the drum sound on the zyris song is as shitty as the singer’s voice is weak!

The Jester song sounds like it actually could have been a hit back in the day. Very catchy. The Zyris song was just your typical cock rock yawn fest.

long live www.nikkikc.com sign our guestbook please

Zyris – forget it guys. Fill oyut an application at McDonalds and pray for an interview. Jester – didn’t they have a crappy cd called "It’s about Time"? If so, …it was nothing more than a hot steaming cow flop.

they both were fine. i imagine most are choosing the last option to be dicks. jester had more of a groove.

Jester…..Catchier tune, better singer, way better production.

Anyone still wondering why neither band ever got a record deal??

still glad I don’t live in Jersey

Both sets of lyrics probably are Exhibit A on why rock music has taken a hit. I’m 32. Both bands sound good musically, I just looked at Jester’s lyrics as the lesser of two evils.

They need to stop acting like a bunch of crying sissies! And yes, I’d tell that to their face–consequences be damned

It’s not even close. Jester wins by a mile!!!!

They both suck!!!!!!!

I actually like the Jester song alot. But Zyris was pretty weak, musically and lyrically

hardcore suckage from both bands. Stop beating the horse….it’s DEAD!

Zyris sucks

They both play horrible music but Jester’s horrible music is better. It’s 2005 guys, not 1985, sorry.

Both sets of lyrics probably are Exhibit A on why rock music has taken a hit. I’m 32. Both bands sound good musically, I just looked at Jester’s lyrics as the lesser of two evils.

both bands kinda suck….. no wonder zakk left jersey

who the fuck cares… BON JOVI rules

I voted fot neither (the "don’t live in Jersey" one), but if I had to choose, I’d go jester. Better production, and the their drummer and guitarist sound like they paid attention to the click track. Zyris’ sense of time is all over the place.

My cat can sing better than this guy

Fuckin cheezy lyrics for Zyris kills tune, Jester by default, but i’m still glad i don’t live in Jersey.

Zyris, please tell your drummer to at least play in time. Lazy ass amateur fuck! Jester piss all over you in every way!

neither was very good, but the wanking guitar solo thought the whole fucking Zyris song was terrible

They both suck pretty hard, but I’m not gonna cop out with the "Glad I don’t live in Jersey" option. I tortured myself by listening to them both and Jester sucks LESS, so they get my vote. But ZYRIS….oh my God. Somebody stop them.

Jersey sucks!

jester has a better vocalist. plus im not going to support a prick like the drummer for zyris. fuck that asshole. hope the guy from jester kicks his shit talking ass!!!

zyris sound pretty good even if the singer is a bit annoying – jester are very generic!!

that zyris song blew ass!

Both songs are boring bar band shit!

Both bands are good, and would be kick ass entertainment on any weekend. They must be both somewhat good, or Metal Sludge would not waste there time and space in giving either of them any exposure. Long live the Sludge!

I have lived in NJ all my life and have heard of both of these bands, but have never seen them live. Jester’s song was much better in all regards, production, arrangement, musicianship and sound quality.

WE ROCK YOU SUCK www.nikkikc.com

I’m just glad I’m dying

Jester simply write a better song period..I think its alot better actually. Niether are groundbreaking though

Definitely Zyris…the singer for Jester got all whiny in the middle of their song.

Whilst Zyris have a good subject matter, Jester really pound out a true Hair Metal groove. I can’t imagine any Hair-Band would prefer Zyris’ offering in this distance. Well Played Jester. If only you guys had done this in 89! -Yaz. J

both bands suck balls, but the Zyris song had some of the cheesiest lyrics I’ve heard in a long time. At least Jester knows how to write hooks and a chorus

my 4 year old son can write a better tune than the jester song.at least zyris sounds decent.tesla comes to mind.kudos.

Both really blow…. This is the best that these 2 can muster?? After hearing their best efforts: this feud now reminds me of watching 2 retarded kids fighting on a school playground!

"Whiskey Mind" was lame, but "Radio" was an okay pop tune.

both bands SUCK ASS

FUCK JESTER.at leasr zyris sounds like tesla.

JESTER is the shiznite, they have great anthematic rock and roll, ZYRIS is fucking out of tune on their solo, and their song fucking drags, please more votes for JESTER, that?s good rock and roll

What the hell…both bands are pretty typical "80’s metal"….and, even on a bad day, that’s better than "nu-metal", "gundge", rap or most of the shit that has been released since around 1993.

Jester is way better than Zyris. Since I’m part mick, I usually like songs about drinking. But here I’m not feelin it. Maybe his voice is too nasally or the music is too generic. Jester on the other hand sounds like a good rocking band.

Zyris is lame, and never accomplished anything. Why are they even getting press?

Jester ain’t too bad. Where can I get a CD?

Both bands are both simply bad

either way, it’s good to hear gtr solos again!!!

I’m just glad I don’t live in EL LAME!!!

YOU ALL SUCK!!!!!! WE ROCK!!!!!! www.nikkikc.com

Well, that’s it for the first-ever Metal Sludge Band-Off. Thanks for playing along at home and maybe we’ll do this again sometime!

Metal Sludge
Bringing Bands Together since 1998

About Metal Sludge