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Sing along to a few classic Sludge X-mas Songs.

 

METAL SLUDGE CHRISTMAS SONGS!

Bastard Boy FloydJani Bon Neil

Merry Sludgemas!

In honor of Christmas, one of the old skool staff original Metal Sludge writers C.C. Van Sixx has dropped in with 3 Christmas songs. What you need to do now is play the original songs but sing the new lyrics we have here. You’ll see that they are a perfect fit.

The 12 Days of Sludgemas

(as sung to the "Twelve Days of Christmas")

The first day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

One Vince Neil singing out of key

The second day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The third day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The fourth day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The fifth day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The sixth day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The seventh day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Seven Sludgeaholic’s

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The eighth day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Eight of Bret’s bandanas

Seven Sludgeaholic’s

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgettes

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The ninth day of Sludgemas my true Love sent to me

Nine Poison fans a bitching

Eight of Bret’s bandanas

Seven Sludgeaholic’s

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgette’s

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The tenth day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Ten Slaughter a eating

Nine Poison fans a bitching

Eight of Bret’s bandanas

Seven Sludgeaholic’s

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgette’s

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The eleventh day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Eleven Warrant fans a watching

Ten Slaughter fans a eating

Nine Poison fans a bitching

Eight of Bret’s bandanas

Seven Sludgeaholic’s

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgette’s

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

The twelfth day of Sludgemas my true love sent to me

Twelve Jani Lanes a cooking

Eleven Warrant fans were watching

Ten Slaughter fans kept eating

Nine Poison fans a bitching

Eight of Bret’s bandanas

Seven Sludgeaholic’s

Six KISS coffins

Five balding singers

Four metal heads a moshing

Three of RATT are missing

Two Sludgette’s

And One Vince Neil singing out of key

Lyrics By: C.C. Van Sixx 2004


Metal Sludge(as sung to the tune Jingle Bells)

Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging night & day

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray (hey)

Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging night & day

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray

Surfing through the web

We expose those hidden lies

Of hair bands at their best

And cut them down to size (ha-ha-ha)

Bastards pig tails spin

When Stillbourne starts to write

Our goal is to bring a smile

To Sludge-a-holics far & wide

Oh, Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging night & day

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray (hey)

Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging night & day

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray

The rock stars write to us

And then we write them back

Some go on the pussy list

And some have huge nut sacks

The captures are the same

Sludgeaholics near & wide

Some rock stars strike a pose

And then some run & bitch & cry

Oh, Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging night & day

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray (hey)

Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging night & day

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray

Metal Sludge, Metal Sludge, Sludging all the way

Oh, what fun it is to laugh at bands that wore hair spray.

Lyrics By: C.C. Van Sixx 2002

 


Jani The Frontman

(as sung to the tune Frosty The Snowman)

Jani the Frontman – was a Down Boy who did GO!

With his bleach blonde hair and a bimbo wife

and two frog eyes drooping low.

Jani the Frontman – is a mess today you’ll see

now the money’s spent and Cherry Pie went

starfucking Tommy Lee.

There must have been a million bucks, in Jani’s bank account.

But Big Talk’s talk, your house is gone, and karma came around.

 

Jani the Frontman – is a Rancid fan these days

No more pussy songs or leather fringe

It’s a Mohawk all the way.

Jani the Frontman – needs to look into a mirror

He better hit the gym before another chin

And stop with all the beer.

Jani the Frontman – likes to cook at Billy’s club

You’re no Wolfgang Puck or Chef-Boyardee

But look like Vince Neil’s bud!

He led his band down Sunset Strip, and onto Platinum sales

But now he takes the stage, dressed like a punk rock whale.

Jani the Frontman – likes to no-show like a bitch

And I’m happy to say that as of today, you no longer -

Dirty, Rotten, Filthy, Stinking, Rich!

Lyrics Written By: C.C. Van Dixon 2002

Wasn’t that great? Look, you know it’s funny, stop trying to fight it.

Now we’ll end this Christmas post with our classic "Twas The Night Before Christmas" which we put up way back in 1998. Gerri Miller had just been fired from Metal Edge and being in the holiday spirit, Taime "Sex" Slaughter thought he’d dedicate this Holiday Classic to her!

Twas The Night Before Christmas

at Scary Gerri Miller’s House

by Taime "Sex" Slaughter

Twas the night B4 X-mas as I sat here alone

nothing was ringing not even my phone

I looked out my window to see all the clatter

It was Vince from Motley, he looked even fatter

Dressed in a Santa suit full of cookies & beer

I said hey Dr. Feelgood, what have we here?

As I opened my eyes a little bit wider

I noticed he was drinking some very strong cider

More vodka and whisky and bottles of beer

I said hey Vince where are the Reindeer?

He pointed at the roof top covered with snow

It was Nikki, Randy & Mick doing Blow

They brought me a gift some cocoa and figs

I opened it up, a brand new dark wig

They all started laughing and left like a Rocket

No relation to Rikki, who’s CD was in my pocket

I cranked up the Poison and started to smile

Then the doorbell? It hadn’t rung in a while

It was C.C. and Bobby, Bret Michaels was there

I couldn’t be happier, they all did their hair

Just like the old days with hairspray and gel

But Bobby was drunk and C.C. on krell

Bret was so charming and Rikki was too

They handed me a package wrapped in paper of blue

As I unwrapped the paper I started to cry

It was an old video tape of the movie The Fly

As they all left I heard them let out a cackyl

Then the phone rang it was Jesse from Jackyl

He started with "Hi ya’ll" I felt so much joy

Then he said, "how is your penis we know your a boy"

The dial tone hit me and I knew he was gone

A band that I loved and that Chainsaw song

I made a lite dinner of ramen and bread

My bald spot is getting bigger on top of my head

I sipped from my bowl and dreamed of the eighties

I pondered this thought, "Am I a man or a lady?"

My fax started faxing so I ran like a giant

It was from Jani & Jerry & Eric from Warrant

I started reading and weaping as the letter got worse

They told me FUCK YOU so I reached for my purse

I decided to call Dana the leader of Slaughter

He answered his line and said, "what is the matter?"

I was crying and screaming like a cat in a blender

He said "Mark is that you?" then broke into laughter

X-mas has been Hell I think I should call Hanson

Maybe N-Sync, The Spice Girls or Marilyn Manson

The bands that I worship have all turned their asses

I’m no longer at Metal Edge and no back stage passes

A Happy Holiday is most likely what I will not get

but a big boot in my ass for talking so much shit

The smiles, the laughter, the rocking round up will die

and I will just suffer, be forgotten and fry

Bon Jovi, Van Halen, Ratt and Metal Wire

The editors page, a memory of me hunched over Rick Steier

Quiet Riot, Stryper & Twisted Sister are washed up

I now join the ranks with the groups who all suck

I’ll fade like blue jeans on Joe Elliot’s body

Or Danger Danger CD sales like Naughty-Naughty

Firehouse, Sebastian and Metallica too

All will forget me like a trip to the zoo!

Thanks to Sludgeaholics and Sludgettes far and wide for making it another great year! You all rule — each and every one of you.

Happy Holidays from the entire staff at Metal Sludge!

Ten Years and still sucking even during the Holidays.

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