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Sludgeaholic Of The Month – January 2003, Arkansas Cracker



Arkansas Cracker


Arkansas Cracker is very well known on our Gossip Boards and is one of the few people on those boards who can actually write complete sentences and make sense! He even did a 20 Questions for us when he interviewed Breaking Point last Summer. Making Cracker a Sludgeaholic Of The Month has been long overdue and now his time has finally come!

1. Where are you from and how old are you?

On the road for forty days, last night in Little Rock put me in a haze…. and I’m 36 years young. My publicist will claim I’m 28, but I have some 80s mullet photos that prove otherwise.

2. Ambitions: I want to fund a research project to find out exactly where all the down boys went and what food they serve there.

3. Turn-ons: This is so typical and offensive. I love women for their inner beauty, not some cosmetic stereotypical great rack or drop dead ass. No wait, I said that backward. Nevermind.

4. Turn-offs: stupidity, opposite taste in music, conceit, more than 2 tits, large husbands, women with no sense of humor

5. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?

Since around mid-1999 I’d say. I think the Nikki Sixx 20Q was the first I’d seen. I’ve been hitting it like Vince Neil at an all-you-can-eat buffet since.

6. Favorite bands: I was raised by Led Zepplin, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, Van Halen, and Kiss… went to high school with Motley Crue, Metallica, Ozzy, Ratt, Def Leppard et. al….. and currently praise a shitload of bands like Black Label Society, Corrosion of Conformity, Pantera, Sevendust, Korn, Ratchetjaw, Undertow, Ditchwater, Bloodshot… I could go on but I’m sure every has quit reading by now anyways.

7. Least favorite bands: The Strokes, The Hives, The White Stripes, The White Hives, The Strives, Andrew W.K., and is it just me or does anybody get Radiohead? I gave it a shot, I mean everyone was sucking them off so I tried "OK Computer" and gave it a good spin with the headphones on and I swear I thought maybe I had the disc in upside down or something, total blowage.

8. What do you do for a living?

I’m a computer geek and run a seeing-eye possum rental on the side with Dizzy Bon Coverdale.

9. Arkansas IQ Question:

What weighs more, a pound of silicone or a pound of saline?

I’ll need to test this personally to provide an adequate answer. I’ll get back to you.

If I had 3 apples and I gave you one, how many apples would you have?

According to the new Sludge math, I’m guessing whatever I say will be considered correct,

so I’ll go with "all but 8".

10. If you could have sex with one of our Sludgettes Of The Month, who would it be?

Pass me the Lays potato chips, I can’t eat just one.

11. When not posting on the Gossip Board, I can most likely be found:

Traveling, reading, watching movies, catching local bands, cranking music, camping, running,

having a beer and brat at a baseball game, beating up reporters

12. Give us 5 good reasons to live in Arkansas?

1. Our most famous resident got a blow job in his office, setting our professional bar.

2. Andrew W.K. doesn’t play here.

3. A lot of the women don’t have teeth.

4. If you women think Zakk Wylde is sexy, this is your oyster.

5. We don’t need no stinking smog.

13. My biggest weakness is: I can’t hit the breaking stuff. If they bust me inside with the heater and follow it with a nasty uncle charlie, I have a hard time getting wood on it.

14. When was the last time you got laid?

My mama says for me to be patient, it will happen.

15. How does it feel to be our January 2003 Sludgeaholic Of The Month?

In all seriousness, Metal Sludge is and has been the best metal site on the Internet for several years and it’s great to have 15 seconds of infamy on it. I’ve had plenty of laughs over the years thanks to you guys.

16. Personal Motto: I’ve learned that one motto can get you through anything in your personal life, sex life, or professional life, and that’s "If it smells bad, don’t eat it." Well, that and "always be prepared". Like what if Sebastian Bach really is Jesus and he’s not just acting? Just in case, I’ve bought some fancy-ass white leather boots for a last second repent attempt.

Unofficial Sludge gathering in Las Vegas Jan 17th – 20th! Be there or, well, not be there I guess.

Cracker is having a gathering of Sludgeaholics out in Vegas so he can get people to buy him free drinks, so if you’re interested contact him. Congratulations to Arkansas Cracker for being our Sludgeaholic Of The Month for January 2003.

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