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Sludgeaholic Of The Month – December 2002, Jake Yonkel



Jake Yonkel

Our last Sludgeaholic Of The Month for 2002 is from New Jersey, but don’t hold that against him. We picked him because he’s wearing our Poison Green Baseball Jersey and he has a Confederate flag in the background. And since Red & Green are holiday colors, then Jake is the perfect person to pick for Sludgeaholic Of The Month for December!

1. Where are you from and how old are you?
I’m from New Jersey… the air here is terrible, and the traffic is even worse. I just turned 19 last month. I’m probably the youngest SOTM ever, come to think of it. All of my favorite bands pretty much broke up by the time I was 10, or at least that was the last time they toured with their original members.

2. Ambitions: To make some lucky girl happy. Nah, to finish school and go on to some higher form of business. But if I’m lucky, I’ll get my Danger Danger or Firehouse tribute bands off the ground…

3. Turn-ons: Chicks that dig 80s music. Most of em won’t even admit it, they’re too caught up in rap or whatever. Jeans that are ripped up, with holes in the knees. Girls that play guitar (Lita Ford type, not Kittie) and of course, nice Jewish girls.

4. Turn-offs: Girls that only listen to new rap / R&B, that have no appreciation for hair metal. I dont really go for smokers, or goth chicks. Red hair kinda sucks, too.

5. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?
Almost a year now. I believe the first 20 Q’s I read was Matt from the Wild Boyz. I went on KaZaA and downloaded their album. I don’t wanna cry no more! Matt, you guys have a new fan!! PLEASE TOUR THIS SUMMER!

6. Favorite bands: Def Leppard, Winger, Firehouse, Danger Danger, Bon Jovi, Dokken, Poison, TRIXTER, Warrant, Whitesnake, Ratt, and… Journey??!

7. Least favorite bands: Chances are if it’s on MTV2, I hate it. I would like to see Linkin Park outlawed, as well as Limp Bizkit. Also don’t like the Doors, Hendrix, or the Stones.

8. What do you do for a living?
I’m a freshman at Fairleigh Dickinson University, Madison campus. So I’m a student. I worked at an FYE (in the same chain as Strawberries!!!) and I referee basketball in the winter and am a camp counselor in the summer. I think I net about $10,000 a year.

9. What’s up with the Confederate flag in the background of your picture? Do you wish the South would have won the war?
Oh man, I should have seen this one coming. Well, half my family is from the south. I’m talking some serious southerners here whose relatives fought for the south during the Civil War. So I have an inherent love for the south. Had the south won the war… things would be quite different now. Come to think of it, the north was just as responsible for slavery as the south. They bought the south’s products that were made by slaves, right? I hate how people assume the Confederate flag is linked with racism and the KKK. I’m actually half-Jewish, too. But do I wish they won the war? Sure, would like to see where we’d be now.

10. How much do you enjoy your Metal Sludge Jersey?
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it an 18. I wore it down the shore with no shirt under it on the boardwalk. Either I looked like a metalhead, or just plain white trash. Being on the Jersey shore, you can easily confuse the two. Whenever I wear the jersey, my Sludge tshirt, or my hooded sweatshirt, I almost always get comments. Thanks for the recognition, Sludge!

11. The Last 5 CDs I bought were: All three Winger albums, Def Leppard’s "X", and… can’t even remember. I pretty much burn everything. "X" is a great CD, much better than "Euphoria." And Winger’s "In the Heart of the Young" is just awesome. So is "Pull," actually. Man, I don’t know. I recently bought both Danger Danger albums with Ted Poley, and I got the Andrew WK CD. Talk about 12 tracks of the same damn song.

12. When not reading Metal Sludge I can most likely be found: At school. In my room, tabbing out Danger Danger songs for the bass, or watching old bootlegged Winger concerts. I think if I was on Beavis & Butthead, they’d kick my ass, cause I have a Winger shirt. Like that loser kid.

13. If you could have sex with one of our Sludgettes Of The Month, who would it be?
I dunno, Zippy’s kinda hot, for a Canadian. Just kidding. But I gotta say Dragen, hands down. Not only is she beautiful, but a virgin too. That would be fun.

14. When was the last time you got laid?
Two days ago, by my beautiful girlfriend. Aren’t I supposed to say never? Am I too young? I don’t know. Not really an interesting answer. How come you don’t ask the guys when we lost our virginity, and how was it? I lost mine, I don’t think I’ll ever find it.

15. How does it feel being our December Sludgeaholic Of The Month for 2002?
I ran around my room, I was so happy. This is gonna make me famous. You guys own. Hopefully, I’ll be in people’s minds when they vote for Sludgeaholic of the Year in a few weeks. Seriously, this is my fifteen minutes of fame. Thanks.

16. Personal Motto: Umm… "if it smells like cologne, leave it alone" Think about that one.

Thanks for making me the SOTM for December, you guys fucking rule!

Congratulations to Jake for being our Sludgeaholic Of The Month!

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