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Sludgeaholic Of The Month – November 2001, Oleg Malashenko

 

SLUDGEAHOLIC OF THE MONTH


Oleg Malashenko

This month’s Sludgeaholic Of The Month comes to us all the way from Russia! He’s our first Russian Sludgeaholic Of The Month! That’s amazing because who knew anybody in Russian even had an internet connection? And he’s even got a cool Russian name like Oleg Malashenko! That rules!

So welcome Oleg as our November Sludgeaholic Of The Month.

1. Where are you from?
I’m from Kaliningrad, Kaliningrad Region, Russian Federation. It was called Konigsberg before (a former capitol city of Prussia). Soviet Union possessed this land after a victory over fascists in the World War II. Nowadays this region is the westernmost part of Russia bestead by Lithuania and Poland.

2. Ambitions: Just to be successful in everything I touch. Not more, not less.

3. Turn-ons: My family, vamp ladies, good hard’n'heavy music, long hair, black clothes, my CD collection (it’s not that easy to find some worthwhile music in Russia), jamming with my ol’ buddies and drinking my favourite booze: Heineken beer, Crimean wines and Armenian cognac, Swiss watches, Black Sea, nimble-minded and straightforward people, practical jokes, watching Simpson’s with my kids.

4. Turn-offs: I’m more sort of a spitfire person so even something like a small mosquito can make me want to kill. Probably it’s ok with such bloodsuckers and I can barely handle this, but lickspittles, dumb assholes and greedy bastards got no chance to get out of my sight alive.

5. What do you do for a living?
I’m a chief of the forwarding department for Kaliningrad Maritime Agency ‘Yanmarine’. We’re rendering such a service for Norwegian steel scrap dealer ‘Brodr London Trading’. Ain’t it metal to deal with steel scrap? I suppose you are not asking me about my education thinking that we’re still in the Stone Age? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s quite a long run in Russia to get educated. So I studied ten years to get school and secondary education, which is compulsory. Then it took six years to get higher education. I graduated with a bachelor degree from Baltic State Academy so my primordial profession was a marine engineer-navigator. Originally, it enabled me to be a sea captain with time, but I decided to stay ashore since it seemed pretty painful for me to part with my young family.

6. Being from Russia, have you ever had to wait in line for toliet paper?
I just want to make clear the situation in Russia. Unfortunately, toilet paper here is nothing, but amenities of splendid life and I can’t afford it. So basically we use fresh news papers or old transactions of Karl Marx (thank God we got a lot of such stuff to use in common purposes). We don’t like to stand in lines so we all just wear absurd clothes, which always shown in your movies, drink vodka, play balalaika, dance with brown bears in taiga amid A and H bombs. In other words we just have an everlasting party. If you once consider to render some humanitarian aids to me please don’t hesitate to send a container with toilet paper. By the way we could start some toilet paper
business together and become millionaires…"

7. Do you know of any other Russian Sludgeaholics?
Frankly speaking I’ve been infecting with the Sludge everything that moves around me since I found your site by pure accident.

8. Favorite bands: Well, it’s a huge cocktail of styles, but everything rocks so be prepared:
Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath with Ozzy, Ozzy himself, Quiet Riot, WASP, Krokus, Twisted Sister, Q5, Manowar, Judas Priest, Motley Crue, Megadeth, Skid Row, G’N'R (in the late 80′s), LA Guns, The Cult, Tesla, Extreme, Tyketto, Tattoo Rodeo, Faith No More, Ugly Kid Joe, Jane’s Addiction, Spin Doctors, Mother Love Bone, Temple Of The Dog, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, Mad Season, Brad, Three Fish, Live, Dream Theatre, Blind Melon, UNIFIED THEORY, Machines Of Loving Grace (the most underrated band ever), Black Label Society, Jeff Buckley, Natalie Imbruglia, Kyuss, Queens Of The SA, Sedona, Boxelder, Stabbing Westward, The Union Underground, Tilted Walls (check out my friends band on MP3.com: http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/138/tilted_walls.html. These guys mean business.)

9. Least favorite bands: Too many as well, but a few to mention: Limp Bizkit, Crazy Town, Papa Roach and all similar crap of so called fashion metal, rap and hip-hop in all forms and content, pop-punk bands. Mostly everything you can see on today’s music TV channels.

10. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?
More than one year at least. As I told you I found your site by accident. I just wanted to find some news regarding hair metal bands of the past so I used AltaVista search engine and of course I typed some phrase including the word METAL. Then I found you to my wildest elation.

11. As a Russian, what are you more embarassed by:
Let me rate the below on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being something that could make me think of a suicide and 10 being something that should have never been included in the list.
A: Gorky Park
7 (with Noskov as a vocalist) and 2 (without him)
B: Yakov Sminoff
Who the hell is he? There’s a misprint I guess. But if you mean the vodka guy then he gets 10.
NOTE: Actually he’s a Russian comedian. Though he hasn’t done anything in a good 10 years.
C: That you’ve never worn a pair of Levi’s: Ha-Ha-Ha!
Should I rate this? See my answer on your 6th question.
D: That the US generally kicks your ass in hockey
2 (c’mon, dive deeply into the hockey history. You’re not Czech, Swede or Canadian.)

12. When was the last time you got laid?
Wait up. I’m about to come…

13. Do you have any plans on coming over to the United States?
I’ve already been there once in 1991 as a cadet on bark "Kruzenstern". I visited Norfolk, Baltimore, Annapolis and Washington. Wonderful time. Great fireworks on the 4th of July. I planed to visit my friends this Christmas (Hi, Ryan :) , but fucking terrorists spoiled everything.

14. What do you do on a typical weekend?
Though time goes by and I make hoarse sounds when I talk, I creak when I walk. But without a doubt I can hold my bottle tightly and evoke the craziest noise from my guitars. So we make up a sabbath with buddies each Friday night, on Saturday we play football (I hate you calling it soccer), basketball, swimming … Sunday is my family day.

15. How do you feel being our Sludgeaholic Of The Month for November 2001?
I’m on the top of the world. It’s funny, but at least my kids think I’m famous. What else can I wish. Though, I told you what my ambitions are. And by the way, thank you very much for an opportunity to put my lazy ass in MS Hall Of Fame and for your concern of fans all around the world.

16. Personal Motto: Fight for what you deserve till the bitter end or give up you fucking drone and order Kiss casket.

And one thing I totally agree with: "…As long as I can keep a roof over my family’s head and the refrigerator full of beer, I’m good to go." – my buddy Zakk Wylde, who actually does not know me and probably does not care about that.

P.S. Fuck! You did not ask me ‘If I could have sex with any of the Sludgettes Of The Month, who would it be?’ Do you think we really have parties with bears? I feel I have to tell you that there’s no any illusion that it’d be Helena Handbasket, Jenny Hoffman (how couldn’t you like a girl who answered your 16th question like she was on TV commercial slot with a cure for eternal beauty?) and Melissa Rose.

You know, Oleg is from Russia and the guy can write English better than probably half the U.S. citizens who write in to us!

Congratulations to Oleg for being our November 2001 Sludgeaholic Of The Month!

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