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Sludgette of the Month – November 2001, Shernan Fanconi

 

SLUDGETTE OF THE MONTH

Shernan Fanconi

This month’s Sludgette Of The Month is a doctor!

Okay, not really, she’s a med student, but that’s close enough for us. And anybody who wears a Metal Sludge Baby Doll under her scrubs is good enough for us!

Meet Shernan Fanconi. Otherwise known as Fanconi on the Metal Sludge Gossip Board. Welcome her as our November Sludgette Of The Month!

Shernan’s Data Sheet

1. Name: Shernan Fanconi

2. Age: 25

3. Height: 5’6"

4. Weight: More than my MCAT score, less than my USMLE Step 1 score

5. Measurements: Head circumference: 22", crown-rump length: 34"

6. Where are you from?
Omaha, NE

7. Ambitions: To finish medical school with my sanity intact (could be tough), to be a good doctor, to learn to play more than E minor on my guitar, to start writing more music, to achieve "Needs a Life" status on the Ho-board, to live like there’s no tomorrow.

8. Turn-ons: Someone with a good sarcastic sense of humor. Brains. Big muscles are good. Being a musician is good (call me crazy, but I like guys in eyeliner!). Someone who can tolerate a grumpy, sleep-deprived med student is golden in my book! While I find many rocker types very attractive, I also like the sharp-dressed business types. Polar opposites? Maybe, but I’m an equal opportunity kind of girl.

9. Turn-offs: Guys who talk about themselves constantly. Guys who try too hard to show off how smart they are. Guys who chew with their mouths open. Giant belt buckles. Guys who don’t like metal. Wimps.

10. What do you do for a living?
Well, uh.I incur an impressive amount of debt while being tortured and humiliated at a local hospital. I stand motionless in the OR, holding retractors for hours, without a single complaint. I stick my fingers up old men’s asses. The life of a med student is not glamorous.but I only have another year and a half to go before you can call me Fanconi, M.D.

11. Favorite bands: These folks have written some of my favorite songs:
VVI, Ozzy, Badlands, MSG, GNR, Zakk Wylde, Europe, Lita Ford. I could go on for hours. Alternative rock: I love Cake and Weezer. I also like the trippy stuff like Portishead (listen to "Roads" while driving on a secluded road on a starry night.amazing song). My parents raised me on bands like Zep, Rush, Pink Floyd, and Jethro Tull. Still love those bands. Wyclef Jean does a great cover of "Wish You Were Here."

12. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?
About 2 years.

13. True or false….aren’t you a big Slaughter fan and why?
It absolutely true, and I’ll tell you why: I was the biggest Vinnie Vincent Invasion fan (hey, no laughing). I remember being 12 years old, listening to Metal Shop late at night under the covers. Had to keep the music quiet, or my parents would come in and tell me to get to sleep! One night, Metal Shop played "That Time of Year," and I felt what I can only describe as angina. My heart ached because that song was so perfect. I was so disappointed to hear a few months later that VVI had broken up. Frantically reading all the metal mags to find out what would become of the band members (where was Metal Sludge when I needed them?), I learned that two of the four would go on to form Slaughter. Slaughter is the next best thing to VVI. I do think that Vinnie brought out the best in those guys, but Slaughter have written some good songs on their own (like Heading for a Dream, one of my faves). And you gotta respect these guys. If it weren’t for a very unfortunate accident, they would still have their original members (kinda wish they had asked VV to join the band – - that would have been beautiful!). Pretty impressive, considering all the inbreeding that has occurred between similar bands. I’ve gotten to know them a little through the years, and I have an enormous amount of respect for them.

14. What age did you lose your virginity and how was it?
Ick. I was pretty young, and it wasn’t great. I think the guy is gay now.

15. Since you work in the medical profession, have you ever had your finger in another chick’s vagina or anus and how was it for you?
Oh, yes. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of vaginas and rectums.The one truly memorable pelvic exam I did recently was on a guy. Talk about dude looks like a lady! He was a genetic "male," but he had a disorder called testicular feminization, where he had "girl" parts. I was very impressed.

16. Ever kiss another girl?
Like that? No, but on a dare I would kiss Jennifer Aniston.

17. The way to my heart is: Through the sternum. Okay, that’s probably not what you wanted. Well, take me to a secluded spot on a starry night. Bring a blanket and a bottle of wine. Let’s talk about the universe, religion, other deep stuff. That always gets me.

18. How do you feel about being out November 2001 Sludgette Of The Month?
I’m very excited. I hope I succeeded in dispelling the myth of the fat, illiterate Slaughter fan. That was my main goal. Even if I falied at that, with the number of hits your webpage gets a day. just think of all the potential patients! I promise to give you all the Metal Sludge discount.
NOTE: Well Shernan, don’t get ahead of yourself. Right after you said "I succeeded in dispelling the myth of the fat, illiterate Slaughter fan," two sentences later you then spelled failed "falied." You also have have a few punctuation errors in Questions 10, 11, and 15. See, if you weren’t listening to Slaughter that wouldn’t have happened. You are smarter than 99.9% of other Slaughter fans, but you’re still a Slaughter fan.

19. Personal Motto: From "That Time of Year" – - It’s my challenge, it’s my right. And my will is too strong to fight.

Despite Shernan’s few typos, she’s still a Sludgette because she’s down with the page. Over time, we will cure her of her Slaughter addiction, but that’s going to take time.

Anyway, congratulations to Shernan for being our November Sludgette Of The Month!

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