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Donna’s Ho-Bag For September 22, 2002

Donna’s Ho-Bag For September 22, 2002

Hello everybody! Even though my Ho-Bag is one of the most popular portions of Metal Sludge, it’s not updated that much and I take responsibility for that because I can’t figure out a way to blame anybody else. The thing is I’m not online as much as I should be. I do check my emails everyday, but I need to start working on my Ho-Bag and monitoring my Ho-Board. I had a busy Summer with so many tours hitting the road and a girl can only ‘spread’ herself out so much. I’m going to make an effort to do a Ho-Bag about once a month because the Queen Ho needs to start taking control again.

Now onto the mail.

Donna,

I know a letter like this would usually go to Dr. Rockett, but since the good doctor hasn’t answered any letters in over a year, I figured I’d turn to you.

Here’s my sad fucking life story:

I am a bi-racial 50+ man making minimum wage at the IRS, the Gestapo of the US. That alone should tell you that my story goes downhill after that. My wife, Mary, and I have been married since 1990, and have two kids. Everything was great until 1997, when we seperated. Since then, Mary has fucked every goddamn thing that gets in the way (while my hand is the only action I’ve seen in a while), and to add insult to injury, they’re all black guys.

At first, I was kind of turned on by the fact that she’s fucking other black guys, but it’s since gone too far. She was living with her two kids from her first marriage, across from her mother’s house, but just recently moved to Virginia to be with some married black man. The crack whore even took our fuckin’ kids! Jesus, my life sucks. And on top of that, I have the Clap. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

I can’t take it anymore. I think I’m losing my fucking mind! Please give me some advice!

"Leisure Suit" Larry Grimes

If the only action you’ve gotten in a while has been your hand, and you now have the clap, then where has your hand been? Next time you jack off, wear a condom.

It appears that your wife has moved on with her life and it’s time for you to do the same. I don’t know the circumstances that caused you two to separate, so I can’t comment on that. Maybe you two just grew apart, or you left the toilet seat up one too many times. I don’t know. You said she was living with her two kids from her first marriage, but then said she took OUR kids, so I don’t know if you had children with her or you were just referring to her kids from the first marriage. If you did have children with her, you have the right to see your kids so you might want to pursue that legally. Otherwise, forget about the whore and find another women. The world is filled with women every where you look. You deserve better than her so go find the chick for you.

Oh yea, you might want to take care of that clap thing first.

Thanks for writing and good luck!


Hey Donna!

I love your site! I was wondering, have you heard anything about the band Handsome Devil? They’re one of my new favorite bands and I wanna know what they’re about. If you’ve heard anything or know of any groupie sites that might have something about them, please e-mail me. Thanx for your time.
Love,
Christine

I can tell you that Handsome Devil will be playing our Metal Sludge Extravaganza on October 4th! Kevin from Lit is also playing bass for them right now. Danny, the lead singer, is married and faithful. He’s been with his wife for a long time, so she’s not going anywhere and he’s off the market. I’m not sure about the rest of the guys because I always thought Danny was the hottie so I only did research on him. We are doing 20 Questions with Danny and those will be up on October 1st so maybe you’ll learn something you didn’t know. I’ve read the interview already and I was entertained by it. It’s very honest and funny.


Hey Donna, my name is Sabrina, I’m the bass player for the Electric Hellfire Club, I don’t know if you’ve heard of us, we’ve toured with like Danzig, Coal Chamber, etc….
Just wanted to let you know I love your site. Love the groupie chart…..

take care,

Sabrina~

I think we were sent a CD before. Thanks for dropping by!


See if you can figure out who this is from?

It sounds like Bobbie Brown has turned into a groupy slut and has gone to her own head. That is ashame,cause when I met her she was on star search and was very nice and even seemed naive.Not to mention how beautiful.We talked,and she seemed very intelligent. Of course that was 1990,and 12 years can change a person. I had a band that appearred on star search that day and was beat out by a group called Little Texas. We later got a record deal on Virgin Records,had 3 videos on mtv and played L.A. a lot.I talked to Bobbie again at a show at Florentene Gardens in 1992 and she still seemed very nice and beautiful.If I only knew then ,what I know now,I would have ask her out.It would be fun to talk to her again.I got your site from a keyboard player that plays with poison,and I enjoy your site. I miss those wild and crazy days and reading some of the stuff on your site made me remember what a great time I had in the early 90′s. I still play music a lot and occasionally come back to L.A. Keep up the hard work and I’ll keep checking out your site.Good Luck… Gatorjaw

Figured it out yet?

If you said Gary Jefferies from Asphalt Ballet, you would be correct!


This was sent in about Matthew Nelson’s email in my last Ho-Bag.

Donna:

Good thing Matthew thinks so highly of his wife (Yvette Stefens Nelson) – apparently the public does not. I noticed that she’s currently in the Top 3 Most Annoying Celebrities on AmIAnnoying.com.

Maybe it was her ‘acting’ in Carnal Crimes. (I’m an avid collector of B porn movies and even I was disappointed.) Matthew said he’s never smoked a joint in his life, but he must be high to think I’d wank off to THAT.

Denver H.


This is from Randall from Sixty-10, the band that Chip Z’Nuff produced. I reviewed their album a few months back.

Donna,

Thanks for the review. Only tough one that we have had so far, but it’s Sludge… Your site is the best. Would love to do 20 questions with you guys. Good things soon …

Randall

Randall, a lot of people would like to do 20 Questions with us, but like the Rolling Stones once said, you can’t always get what you want. Drop us a line when you’ve sold at least 3,000 CDs and we’ll think about it then. In the meantime, tell Donnie to get his shit together.


Hey there Donna,
After reading your review on Bowling for Soup, I thought what the hell, let’s see what these guys are all about. I downloaded the video for "Girl all the bad guys want", and just about fell off my chair from laughing so hard. I went out and bought the CD and it’s been stuck in the CD player since. These guys are great. Nice lighthearted stuff. When they hit big in the future, I hope they remember The Sludge! Thanks for the recommendation.

I’m history……………….like Axl’s voice.

DNR

Look for 20 Questions with the singer coming up next month.



Donna,

A friend of mine turned me on to Metal Sludge, and your section, and I got say it’s the best damn thing! Too many times I talk to fans of bands who have this innocent view of rock musicians, being so wrapped up in their morals or religion that they mistakenly think all rock guys are angels and would *never* sleep with any other woman but their girlfriend/wife. Granted, I’ve never had any experiences worthy of Ho-bag, but I know some who have. For all I know, they’ve already written in to ya! :)

Some of the guys you mention are ones I know from my own high school days, most are ones I haven’t heard of, but all of them are good to have the dirt on.

I still love listening to my favorites from back in the day, like Warrant, Great White, Styx, Journey, Night Ranger, and especially REO Speedwagon. To some I’m a no-taste geek for liking REO Speedwagon, but I’ve known these guys for a little over 17 years, so the music isn’t the whole reason I dig them. Yeah, they’re still around, and still touring. Mostly doing the favorites because that’s the demand when they play these days. They’ve also been touring with Styx. Again, no juicy gossip worthy of Ho-bag. Never been down that road or had any opportunity with any of the guys, anyway. I do know some things, but you’d have to let me know if you even have any remote interest in hearing it, okay? REO is not exactly the hottest band in the land right now, yak know? Love the boys, but they haven’t had much new stuff that would get any big attention lately. By the way, if you *have* heard anything about the REO boys, I’d love to hear it. As far as I know, they’ve all been behaving the last half decade. But somehow I’d love to be wrong about that. :)

Anyway, forgive the ramblings. Again, great stuff with Ho-bag, and the charts. Love ‘em!

Take care!

Jordan

I can’t say I’ve ever heard anything about REO Speedwagon and for that I’m thankful.


Hi Donna,

I love your page! It rocks and keeps us posted on all things rock. Thanks!

I was just wondering what’s the story with Jerry Cantrell. Are all the rumors I’ve heard about his (size) true? Is he really into groupies, if so, what does it take to rock Jerry’s world and bump him off his Degradation Trip? I love Jerry…his music mainly, but I gotta say he is one sexy man~yum~!

I would love to meet him(not just to make his sexual fantasies come true, Although that did cross my mind), but to just get an autograph or picture with him. Is he hard to meet. I have heard he is an asshole, but I am not sure. I thought you might know since you are the Goddess of all things Rock! Please help if you can. Thanks~

Much Love,

Candi

Sorry, I don’t keep up with crackheads so I can’t really answer your question. My Penis Chart does have Jerry listed so if you paid attention you would already know your answer.


Hey Donna,
I’m such a fan of your ho-bag, some of the shit people email you is so funny…some of it is very useful info…anyway I just have a couple of questions…
First off I know Jon Bon Jovi wasn’t faithful to Dorothea back in the 80s but do you have any clue if he is into groupies now? If he is how hard do you think it would be to hook up with him? Also do you have any clue if Richie Sambora is faithful to Heather, I can’t imagine him cheating on her with anyone but you never know.
Second, I know this one may sound very stupid but I’m just curious…obviously rockstars don’t want to get caught with jailbait groupies, but do they look for a certain age? Like how young is too young, my friends and I are all around age 18-19 and so barely legal, what are the chances you think that we could ever hook up with anyone from, say, Poison or a band that had member a bit older than us? Sorry if that sounds stupid….
Anyway great work keep it up….

Michelle

Michelle, as long as you’re legal, that’s all that really matters. I don’t know too many guys are going to say, "What, you’re only 19 with young, perky tits? No thanks, come back when you’re 32." Your odds of hooking up with a member of Poison is probably pretty good. I don’t think most bands are too picky just so long as you’re legal. Just be safe and smart.

I don’t know about Jon and Richie these days. I think Richie is faithful while Jon might have occasional fling with an "old friend." That’s just my guess.


What is Butch Walker’s status?

Status for what? Is he late for something? I don’t know where he is. I’m not his mother.

My women’s intution says you’re asking either about his dick or if he’s seeing anybody. I do know that he has a girlfriend he’s been with for a while. He doesn’t seem to be into the groupie scene at all anymore and while he is a flirt, he keeps it in his pants and behaves. Some people say he can be cocky and a flake though. His bandmates Monkey Boy and J.J. seem to be the ones that get the most action, or at least try to.


This isn’t rock related but since it’s about Eminem and I know my Ho’s are curious about things like this I thought I would pass it along.

OK..recently had an encounter with eminem….he was really sweet to me. The sex was pretty good, not as big as I’d heard it was…average length, maybe 6 or 6 1/2 inches but pretty thick. Loves to give oral and likes to receive even more! I spent the night and he even was sweet to me in the morning. Didn’t drink or do any drugs. Hasn’t called me since..not expecting it either. But overall it was a dream!

Personally, I think Eminem is talented as a rapper but as a person he’s a total dick. I’ve heard too many stories about him being an dick to think otherwise. The guy has more bodyguards than Britney Spears and President Bush combined, which is due to people wanting to beat Feminem’s ass.


Dear Donna,
Hi! I just saw Faster Pussycat for the first time last night at the Poison show here in NJ. I read the many interviews on this great website with Brent Muscat. I was shocked because he looked so much better in person than in photos. He’s got a great smile and stage presence. I have a question about his hair. It was so long and silky looking, it looked too good to be real. Is it??
Thanks
Nicole

I think Brent’s hair is his. I’ve never heard otherwise.


Dear Donna,
I would like to nominate christina aguilera to your groupie board. She has Breast implants,multiple body piercings including breasts and her labia-clitoris. She dresses like a slut,acts like one also.I heard that her last boyfriend,jorge and her would engage in threesomes. Now that she is single i hear that she is fucking movie celebrities,musicians,etc. I think her latest partner is Robbie Williams. This is only a suggestion. Keep up the good work.
AL

Yes she is a ho, that’s for sure. I saw her on the MTV Music Awards and I want to know when she started talking with an accent? She’s one mixed up little girl.


Dear Donna,

First off, love your column. It’s hilarious. You should be writing for mags since ya got a quick mind and a damn good sense of humour. (Metal Sludge give this lady a raise)!!!! I love the pot shots you take at some of these fellas. I’ve been reading your column all afternoon. Okies, I admit it, I just finally found the metal-sludge site the other day. I love it. Those twenty questions and other columns are hilarious, especially that one interview done by that dude which turned out to be 79 questions. I couldn’t stop laughing when he would ask the rock stars who was playing for Ratt that night, and the way they’d all be saying: huh?? what’d ya mean? of course I know who’s playing with Ratt. LMAO.

You asked about faithful rock stars. Well, after reading your column regarding Warren DeMartini and the fifteen-year-old girl he was trying to con into bed, I say none of ‘em are. I thought Warren might have possessed a wee smidgen of morals but dang, he let me down. Bummer. So if Warren can’t be faithful, none of these guys can.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Sorry I have no groupie story. When I was a young teenager during those ‘metal’ days, me and the boyfriend would just drink with the bands and then head back to our hotel with our friends and crash, since it was a good five hour drive to get back home. But, everyone keep sending in those stories. They are awesome to read. (How about more on Warren – he was my fave and always will be my fave).

It’s good to see a site like this. I love the stories, interviews, articles everyone sends in. Keep up the good work.

Sandra

That’s all for this month. Hugs & kisses to everybody for always coming back!

Lustfully Yours,

Donna

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