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Donna’s X-Mass Ho-Bag -12/24/00

 

For December 24, 2000

Merry Christmas!

And if you celebrate something else, then Happy Whatever Else You Celebrate.

From now on I’m not going to do long Ho-Bags that last for months. Each Ho-Bag is going to be dated like Floyd’s mailbags are. I don’t know why I didn’t do that sooner, but I never really thought about it. I feel this way things will be a little more organized.

This is on Jackyl’s Tom Bettini. 

TOM BETTINI is a very sexual, sensual, dynamic powerhouse of a lover! Mrs. Bettini is a very lucky lady. The other guys in Jackyl call him a ‘ONE-MAN-GANGBANG’ and I have had several opportunities to find out why and he certainly did live up to that nickname. Tom insists on using condoms and is usually prepared by having a few with him. If you have a chance to be with him, you may want to have some also. He goes through a lot of them because he oozes a lot of pre-cum and changes them frequently as they fill up. He does not rush things, taking time is essential to him. From my experiences with him, I don’t believe the word ‘quickie’ is in his vocabulary. He loves foreplay for very long periods of time (hours). Sex lasts for hours and sometimes even days with him. He loves for his toes and fingers to be sucked on hard enough to crack his knuckles. He loves a good body massage with or without oil. He loves to role-play and will act out your most outrageously dirty and naughty fantasies. Don’t be afraid to tell him…he has a few kinky ones of his own that he may ask you to act out with him. He loves eating pussy and 69 is one of his favorite positions. His cock is very nice and in my estimate without having the benefit of measuring (too busy doing more important things), is approximately 7-1/2 inches long and his thickness is nice also, but not so thick that it made anal sex painful, which Tom dearly loves but if you’re not into anal, he won’t pressure you. Tom is a wonderful anal lover and will make sure that while he’s pleasuring your ass, he’ll make sure other parts of your body are kept tingling also. He is very attentive. If you love it rough, he will oblige you with being as rough as you want, but he will NOT hurt you even if you ask for him to. He knows where the line is between rough sex and battery. WHAT A GENTLEMAN! He will hold out on his orgasm for hours because his main focus is pleasuring his partner. When he does cum…watch out…he blows a load that could’ve sunk the titanic!

Shit! Now that’s a lot of info. I feel like I just had sex with him by reading that.


This is a good one. 

bonjour donna comment ca va bien toi ??? alors jai aimerai savoir hate toi peut venir visites pembroke ontario reconotre aide pour moi surpris, si toi veux aime venir voir visites quand je ne sais pas quoi parce que toi ne jamais pas venir toutes pembroke ontario canada???

cest ca…

de bernard chaput bye -bye

My thoughts exactly! You couldn’t have put it better!


I am a Metal Sludge Freak… Hey, I love what you do, and well basically ….YOU RULE….
Anyways, just wanted to say that, and give this dude (me) some help with my image…Check out this Metal-Dude…People think I am a Meaty Cheesy-Boy…I need help from the goddess her self…

Jason "Gianni" Bettatino

What type of image are you going for? You look like the typical guy I’d see in a college bar with his buddies. It looks like you have a decent build and the pictures in the background look like you golf or something. You don’t have a receding hairline and it doesn’t appear that you have a beer belly. So what do you want from me? I don’t see any real problems. You look like a clean cut guy. If you want a metal look, you’d have to change quite a bit, but otherwise, I don’t really see any major problems. I’ve been sent much much worse!


This is on Bruce Dickinson.

Dear Donna,
Just a bit of news about the lead singer of the mighty Iron Maiden. I recently had the displeasure of trying to do it with Bruce Dickeson. He’s a real asshole but a pretty intense lover. He’s only about 4 1/2 inches but I don’t know if that is erect or not because he could never achieve an erection. If I could sum it up, I’d say having sex with Bruce is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. The whole time that he was thrusting me with his little limp noodle, the old Aerosmith song "Can’t get it up" kept playing in my head. Afterwards, I had to go in the bathroom and satisfy myself. Hey Bruce! Change your band name to Soft Maiden!

Tina P.S.
Love you page!

I’ve never heard anything good about Bruce, either in the bedroom or outside of it.


Hi Donna ! I saw your site and I just HAD to drop you a line. I’m an ex-groupie from way back in the hey day of the sunset strip and all of your descriptions are fabulously accurate! Some I know firsthand and others I have heard about. How funny that you put this list together. Like I said, you’re comments are so dead-on that there isn’t anytning I could possibly add. My favorite is the description of Steve Summers from Pretty Boy Floyd……knowing him makes it even funnier and I’m forwarding the address of your site to him. I hope he can laugh at himself!! Thanks again!!!!

Melissa


I recently saw Rachael Hunter getting all friendly with one of the guys in Disturbed in Las Vegas during a private birthday for hip hop artist Nelly. I don’t know what guy it was cause I don’t know them that well but I did see it. See you on the road!

V

I bet those guys didn’t think that they’d be hanging around chicks like Rachael Hunter earlier this year.


Here are 2 on Jon Bon Jovi. 

Jon Bon Jovi’s entry was dead-on (good rhythm, YEAH; also considerate when it comes to protection), but there were a couple of things that weren’t mentioned which I thought you might want to know.
1.) He is somewhat vocal, although most of the sounds coming from him are along the lines of "Uh uh uh." Likes to breathe through semi-clenched teeth when excited. Is like a good wine—he’s gotten better with age.
2.) When cumming, his eyeballs roll back in his head. His eyelids are usually half-closed, but you can tell by the look of them. Can be freaky, but usually means you’ve done something right.

Have a nice day,
Shelby

Now here’s a good one.

I am and have been a metal fan for 14 yrs now and I cannot believe the crap you and your so-called fans say about the rockstars. Like for instance, Jon Bon Jovi. I will never believe he would ever cheat on his wife. I saw no proof. I feel all your so-called fan that left that message is talking shit. I cannot believe the smut readily available on the internet today. I really hope you get your jollies by saying and accepting nasty things about the performers. Rumors like that ruin reputations and could also ruin marriages. They could also ruin their careers. I hope you are satisfied.

Well considering Jon has admitted to cheating on Dorethea in the past, thanks for your truly worthless email.


For those of you asking about Dope…

I noticed someone asked about the Dope guys. They are all big sluts. I fucked Simon Dope and he is really good in bed. His dick is about average. He also doesn’t mind giving a girl oral. I heard they are in one of the Backstage sluts videos making their infamous P& J sandwich. They actually did do that to groupies on the road. I heard a rumor that Preston fucked Bridget the Midget.


hey baby my e mail is [email protected] will you send me some tit shots

This brilliant email came from [email protected], so it looks like he has 2 email accounts. Well I won’t sent you any tit shots, but I’m sure somebody will sent you plenty of gay porn. Thanks for the email asshole.


Do you have a sister named Christine? There’s a strong family resemblance or there’s a scientist somewhere having a hell of a time cloning outrageously beautiful women.

J:)

No I don’t, but I do have sisters named Loni and Pamela!

I know New Year’s Eve is in a week, but from the looks of a few of these emails it appears that people have already started drinking.


Hey Donna,
I really enjoy your column on Metal Sludge! Although I have yet to bang my first rocker I had some friends in high school who banged members of Great White. Of course, they brought pictures of the little orgy fest to school for everyone to see. Too bad I didn’t make copies. I have a request. I know Rick Springfield is nowhere near a heavy musician but I’ve heard he is listed in Sweet Connie Hamzy’s book Rock Groupie. Wish I could find a copy. I’ve heard she talks about his love of nude pix and using his camcorder, but what I really want to know is his dick size. Have you heard any stories? I hope you’ll consider adding him to your list even though he’s not metal – thought I’d take a chance since you listed that guy from No Doubt : )
If it helps any – Rick is well respected in the music industry including by Tool, Henry Rollins and Sammy Hagar.

Thanks for your time, Donna!

Sincerely, Crazy Cyber Girl
(twentysomething and holding)

If you are looking on Rick, try the Ho-Board.


Hi Donna, this is Karin from Germany. I read your whole homepage and had to laugh all the time. The comments to some people are so brilliant. Thanks for this funny site, I hope it gets updated soon.

Karin


Hello Donna, I found your site trough a german webpage (www.popkomm.de) and found it terrific… Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t fit into the TOP 10 of your size-ratings, but, err, jesss, that wasn’t the point why I am writing to you? Na, it wasn’t. Ok, here I go: I missed all of the europe dudes in your report! What’s wrong with europe? What about the Scorpions, Rammstein, Iron Maiden, Accept, Helloween and other honeybunnys? It looks a bit like you are way to much LA-oriented. Hop on a plane and come over to the next pokomm.de fer! But anyway… nice site. Keep up the good work!

The Scorpions and Rammstein have been talked about before, and Bruce Dickinson was just mentioned a few emails ago. As for the others, who wants to know about Accept and Helloween?


Hey Donna!!!!!!!! I love your site and all that Ho-Bag thing . Keep it up . Just recently I watched an episode of All Access on Vh-I , the one where they showed rock n roll weddings . They happened to mention Vince’s and Heidi’s wedding . Good lord , I’ve never seen Vince looking so sloppy and soooooo fat . I almost choked on my dinner watching it . I mean , back in the 80s I had this secret fantasy about Vince and of course he was my #1 favorite rock star . But after watching "this" and also other numerous episodes with Motley Crue , I no longer want Vince or desire to meet him . I know he screwed tons of chicks as Vince himself is capable of doing , but needless to say the clips they showed from the wedding were beyond fucking scary . I mean here is Heidi in this gorgeous white gown looking like she stepped off from a fairytale and next to her Vince I don’t know I think he must be at least 300lbs in a white tux that was about to burst . Plus he was drunk and so stoned can you believe this??? Well all I’ve got to say is Vince is still Vince always horny and out of control and note to Heidi: Vince still fucks around . Did you think it’ll be different . Gotta go fellow sludgeaholics . I hope I’ve knocked some sense into ya!!!!
Donna you’re the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was the worst I’ve ever seen Vince. That white tux he had on made him look like a polar bear with a goatee. He use to be hot in the day, but now I don’t get the attraction.


This email is in response to a past report on Peter Steele from Type O Negative.

Hi Donna– Just wanted to respond to the person who "responded" to the letter about Peter Steele in the Nov 12 Ho Bag. Is that person SERIOUS about criticizing the original person who wrote the Peter Steele letter? This girl doesn’t even know proper command of the English language. The funny thing is—she accuses the original girl of lying about Peter wanted her to "burn" his nipples, and asks where the scars are. Honey, firstly, I guess you weren’t lucky enough to be asked to do the burning. I was, when I was with him, as, I"m certain, the original letter-writer was. You were NOT–but that sure as hell doesn’t mean we’re lying. As for scars–how the hell should we know why he doesn’t have scars. I can tell you this: I didn’t leave a flame on his nipples long enough for it to truly "burn" (he only felt a lot of heat–didn’t exactly scorch.) Secondly, you say he’s not weird. Honey, why don’t you go to Groupie Central and read all the posts on Mr. Steele. EVERY SINGLE one of them refer to him as being "weird, strange, insane, etc etc." There’s nothing worse than someone who knows so little, but has the nerve to criticize as though she’s seen it all. Obviously, Peter didn’t show you what he’s really about.

I don’t know who’s right here, but it’s safe to say that guy is a little "off."


For you Pearl Jam freaks, here’s some info.

Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam (lead vocals): While married to Beth Leibling (fucking militant femi-nazi bitch), Eddie Vedder was very faithful and she treated him like a fucking dirt bag. Everyone knows it! Eddie Vedder is one the most sensual, sweet talking men on the planet…with a deep, sexy voice. He is so NOT an asshole, despite what the press has made him out to be in the past. He is genuinely interested in what people have to say, wants their opinion on everything and will debate with no hard feelings. He is drawn to a woman who is warm, sensual, compassionate, sexy without flaunting it, and INTELLIGENT! He is not a ‘fuck-happy rock star’ loser. Those fucking eyes are so amazingly BLUE and sexy…enough to melt any woman’s heart and wrap her around his little finger.

Stone Gossard of Pearl Jam (rhythm guitar): extremely friendly, brilliant minded, great conversationalist. This man’s brain alone is worth fucking him for. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to talk to him, he isn’t intimidating or anything, and he respects you…he will conform to whatever conversation you are having, be it trivial or deep, be it the weather or politics. He is also very good looking and somewhat sarcastic, but never in a mean way…he has the most amazing sense of humor, and big feet and big hands…for what it’s worth. He is somewhat anal though…has been known to take a marble to purchase a new home and place it on the floor to see if it rolls. I think that’s funny…you may not.

Jeff Ament of Pearl Jam (bass player): probably one of the nicest men in rock and roll besides Richie Sambora. When all the band members walk away to do their thing, Jeff Ament will pull up a chair and talk to you about anything…for quite a while. Jeff has quite the BUFF body, and is very athletic. He also has the most amazing mouth…very kissable lips and gorgeous hazel eyes. Nice butt too! And what a set of abs on him!!! What a package. He has this whole walk about him that isn’t cocky, but confident. And he just loves to talk, but watch his hands. He gestures broadly and is liable to accidentally whack ya. If he sat on his hands, he couldn’t speak a word. Hyper mode in overdrive. These men are so underrated


Hi Donna. This is in response to the girl who stated, "… and to clear something up: KMK did not get kicked off of the ICP tour for getting mad ass or trading backstage passes for weed. KMK does not fuck around, and they grow their own. They got kicked off because they were doing much better (check out the sales and expansion of fanbase) than ICP and ICP couldn’t stand to have the opener outshine the headliner. " While I was in college, I was the music editor for a small local music newspaper. The paper included reviews of shows and CDs. We were given the opportunity to interview the Kottonmouth Kings. The second question I asked the band was, "What is the deal with you getting kicked off the ICP and Phunk Junkeez tour?" The reply, from Brad Daddy X, was, "We were giving backstage passes for drug money, and that is why we were kicked off the tour. We are still friends with the clowns, but we were not able to remain on the tour." At one point, I had this on tape, but the interview is a year and a half old, so I doubt that it is still archived. Still, the KMK did admit this to the press. I think the girl who wrote in is full of shit. WHY would the KMK say this to the press if what the abovementioned reader stated was true?

Educated Lady

Now that you mention it, I remember reading something online and they said a similar thing. And people who go to ICP shows go to see ICP. I highly doubt that ICP is worried about any opening band outshinning them.

Lustfully Yours,

Donna Anderson

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