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Ask The Stars 2 – Jizzy Pearl

 

ASK THE STARS with…


Ratt & Love/Hate singer Jizzy Pearl

Dear Ask The Stars,

Here’s a question for any rockstar…..although if you’re one, i doubt you’ll identify much with the subject, ‘casue you must get tons o’ pussy.
Anyway, i was wonderin’ about the masturbation stats for a guy between 15-25, who does not have a sex couple. I mean, counting a day, or a week, or a month as a time base, how many spanks are normal, below average, or just plain too much? Then, is there any kind of side effects to this? (no hairy hand jokes!) In a way that it might affect you when you do get to know a sex partner or whatever, psychologically and sexually speaking. And, last but not least, is there any harm in watching porn (regular type-off the shelf-hardcore stuff)?
Now, i have a kind of idea on some of the answers to these questions, but i want to see someone else’s take at the issue. BBF or JBN, feel free to enlighten the rockstar’s comment in any way possible if you feel you can contribute. I know you can!
Also, it’d be cool to see a guy’s and a girl’s take on the issue (being male masturbation the point). Like, for girls, what do they think of a guy when they want to try some shit shown in porn movies, do they take on the experimentation, back away…etc. Shit like that.
This is for resarch and academic purpose only, and does not represent me, or anyone i know around me in any way…..

blind already

Dear blind already–
Masturbation is a deeply personal experience and people’s need for it varies from person to person. Women masturbate often and it is perfectly healthy for a woman to masturbate several times a day. However if men masturbate more than once in a two week period then they are clinically insane and should be beaten.


What’s up guys? I’m a 17 year old chick and I love cheesy hair metal. LOVE IT! to the point where I wish I was this age in 1986 so i could’ve been a groupie ( I’ll be 18 in June). Call me lame, but that’s my fascination right now. I especially love Poison because Bret Michaels is a fucking god. Not to mention their music kicks ass. So my question is……. does the groupie still exist at rock concerts or has it died down a little since the 80’s.
Cause i’ve heard it was pretty out of control in the 80’s.

love,
Marcella

Dear marchella–
You’ll be happy to know that the groupie scene is alive and well, only the leather skirts have had to be altered to allow for age and secretary spread.
But this is OK because as we all know Fat Chicks try Harder to Please. Since you’ll be of Legal age this June I suggest any one of a half dozen summer concerts to work your magic. Bring condoms and plenty of cab fare.


Ok I am a hot little brunette in my early 20s and I always have to initiate sex with my boyfriend. I mean its ok once and a while, but I want him to be a man and rip off my clothes. Im sick of fucking a corpse…what should Ido?

Dear Hot—
First I must question whether you’re really as "hot a brunette" as you say. You could be fat, or have bad breath from cigarettes, you might not be wearing seductive perfume or you might dress like a bag lady. I suggest you send your photo to this site (YOUR photo) and if you really are as hot as you say then we will take your man out to a deserted field and beat him, OK?


I’m an 18 year old girl. My best friend is bi-sexual, and she is one hot bitch, let me tell you! On new years eve just been, we got really drunk on vodka and whisky and champaign and beer and she tongued me. She tasted kinda funny, but I didnt really care! She did things with an apple that no one has ever seen or done before! She was doing all these seductive erotic things, but now she is denying it ever happened. I don’t know what to do. She has a major thing for Courtney Love, so I am thinking of dying my hair blond and investing in some red lipstick and baby doll dresses to impress her. If you help me get into her pants, I will send you a video of us of THAT type!

From, One Desperate Bitch.

Dear Bitch—
…..an apple? What can you do with an apple? You can’t blow an apple or God Forbid insert an apple–that leaves apple wedges and applesauce. I’m just not getting the Visual. If your friend only seems to be up for carpet-munching when she’s drunk then the obvious solution is to GET HER HAMMERED. Then have a camcorder handy to film you and her doing the dirty deed and at the appropriate time ( family gathering, Thanksgiving dinner) pop it into the VCR and watch the fun.



Alright, I know I will hear alot of flack on this, but I don`t care. I am a 31 yr old gay man. Was raised on Metal ever since age 9. I was raised on Metal & Live to rock n` roll. I also realize how alot (not all but most) people in the "Metal World" are shallow minded when it comes to such topics. Funny thing is, if I were a straight man, I`d be thrilled that there were gay men around, means more pussy for me, but that goes to show you the "shallow minds" can be funny to watch too. My question is, is there any rocker out there that would consider having a "male" fan give them a blow job ever? Even if no one ever found out. I know in the rules we are not suppose to ask any specific rock star, and thats cool. But I would like to try to pin point to only the hairy chested rockers. Thanks again, love the new idea on the questions, stay cool, keep rockin`, & Peace!!

-Keith-

Keith…..the answer is no. Never. And don’t ever call here again.


Dear——,

I’m having a religious issue that I don’t know how to deal with. I’ve been practicing witchcraft for about 6 years now. I live in a pretty good sized city (a little more than 100,000) in Colorado. My family and friends know, and are completely cool with it. However, when I go into places of business (restaurants, grocery stores, etc) and people see my pentacle, they freak out. I’ve been yelled at, spit on, cursed at, refused service.. some people try to convince me I’m in a cult (blah).. all because I wear a very small pentacle. I’m a normal looking girl, other than my pentacle, you wouldn’t be able to tell what religion I am. They know nothing about my religion, nothing about me, but they judge just the same. So my question is, how do I deal with this? What kind of response should I give them? Should I just suck it up and walk away? It’s a pain in the ass having to drive across town to a grocery store, when the one right across the street from me has issues with my pentacle. Should I speak to managers about this? Should I write letters to corporate headquarters? I just don’t know how far I should go. Some of my friends tell me to just not wear my pentacle.. but to me, that proves they’re winning. I’m not ashamed of who I am, or what I practice. Am I being selfish? Any help you can offer would be great!
Thank you!
~Bree

Dear Bree-
My advice is to throw a curse on the entire village. Work your mystic powers and dry up your neighbor’s crops or curdle the cow’s milk or any one of a dozen witchy things. And as far as shopping goes try calling Pink Dot, they’re owned and operated by Satan.



My husband seems to have lost his interest in sex! As a matter of fact, I am lucky if we get to have sex once a week. He has gained a lot of weight since we got married and says he’s not comfortable with his body, and that’s why he doesn’t feel like it, but come on!! He responds when I come on to him, but otherwise there seems to be no interest! He’s only 34 and I’m only 32…I always get envious of my girlfriends who say that their husbands
constantly harrass them for sex-I wish mine would. If you’re thinking "She’s probably a pig and that’s why he doesn’t want to do her" you would be wrong..I used to model when I was a teenager/early 20’s and people say I look like a cross between Cindy Crawford and Christy Turlington-so it’s not that!! Please, any ideas on how to get him more interested in sex?!?!
Thanks.
Kiwi

Dear Kiwi—
The problem is that there’s too much junk food around for Tubby to eat, that’s why he isn’t noticing you. Try hiding the Cheet-os and the ice cream one night and dress him up in a dog’s suit and make him bark for his treats. Take naked pictures of him when he’s sleeping and Photoshop GOODYEAR across his belly. Or you could always cheat on him with his best friend, that might spark his interest.


My friend or ex-gf, whatever you want to call her, we’ve been talking more lately. First time in a few months, but anyway, she starts telling me how she misses me, misses talking to me, and wants to start hanging out again. Everything was going good and now all of a sudden, I haven’t heard from her for two weeks. Then when I did, I get "I still feel kind of weird around you, please don’t be mad at me for this." I would always get that, whenever she couldn’t do something, I would always get, "Please don’t be mad at me." She does know that I love her and want to take care of her. Maybe she knows that and that’s why. Maybe she knows with me, it’s real. I just don’t know. What should I do?

Thanks for your time,
confused metal guy

Dear metal guy–
Your rambling commentary was pretty confusing to me and I don’t even know you. When it comes to relationships the three worst words in the English language are "LET’S BE FRIENDS". That means "We’re not going to fuck anymore but whenever I have a crisis, like when there’s a spider in my bathtub I know I can call on you and you’ll drop everything and come over." My advice is get a dog.


Is Gene Simmons going to hell?

Answer: who fucking cares?


My new drummer’s girlfriend and I had a flirty relationship from the day I met her. Somehow one thing led to another (yeah, I know–"that’s what you all say") and we ended up sneaking around, banging at every opportunity & fell in love. The secret relationship lasted a few months and she finally "shit" (or "got off the pot" I’m not sure which) and decided to stay with drummer boy. Bitch. I was/am pretty broken up about it but am moving on.
Problem is, I started banging my singer’s girl shortly thereafter the thing with the other one ended. It’s just sex, though–no serious feelings there, thank God.
Question is: are all bands so fucking incestuous??? Is this normal?? Should I just chalk it up to "shit like this happens all the time– no biggie."?? Or should I stop kidding myself and admit that I am a dishonorable prick?

Thanks.
Haven’t gotten caught yet in NY.
(hopefully Ritchie Kotzen won’t be the Guest Celebrity to answer this)

Dear NY–
You are a dishonorable prick. Definitely. There is nothing shittier than fucking someone else’s old lady while you’re still in a band with them. As I see it Karma will catch up with you and a flesh-eating bacteria will attach itself to your cock and balls and eat them off.


For more information on the Jizzy and to order his new book, go to www.jizzypearl.com

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