20 QUESTIONS WITH…
ex-MACHINE HEAD drummer CHRIS KONTOS!
In honor of our current MSX II – Midwest Tour, we are proud to present to you… 20 Questions with original Machine Head drummer Chris Kontos! That’s right, Chris was the first drummer in Machine Head. He was in some other Bay-area thrash and metal bands as well, so it’s sure to please many.
Yeah, we know, nothing to do with our MSX II – Midwest Tour again. You should expect that kind of stuff from us by now.
But Chris has been a fan and friend of the Sludgeaholics for eons, so it’s only right that we give him his week in the sun! Plus we were low on interviews this week and this one just popped into our laps.
1. What are you currently up to? This is your one and only chance to plug your shit.
Well, right now I’m working on a new Metal band. and I’m fucking fired up about it big time!!! I have been out on Rock N’ Roll island for far too long now. My last band The Servants were cool, but in the end it was a total let down. I was sick of trying make it all happen by myself. I need to be doing metal again anyhoo. That is my path in life, when the whole NU-Rap-Metal went down, I ran from it like the plague. With the death of that….I want back in. It was nice to make the music we did in The Servants, and do all the killer shows, but it was just a pain in the ass so, now it’s back to the Dark Side. I working with some real killer players right now, so look out for us soon. I’m also playing with Hot For Teacher – Van Halen tribute. www.hftrocks.com It is a blast doing this band for fun and the love of the music! Next I will be doing a really cool thing….MOTO WARS!!!!! www.motowars.com It is a full on battle front mixing Road Warrior meets WWF with Cars, Bikes, stunts, fire, bombs, girls, and The Battle Band!!!!!! My friend Coy Jorden founded this whole thing, FOX Sports Net did a 1hr show on the making of MOTOWARS two months ago. He went out with The Crusty Demons motorcross tour. Now, it is being picked up for 13 shows on Spike TV. I’m fuckin’ stoked about this job and hope it does well. Look out in the next few months for MOTOWARS on Spike TV.
2. You do realize, of course, that the only reason we’re talking to you today is because we’re low on interviews, right?
Hey, with some of the lame ass nobody’s you talk to here, it made me think you have been SHORT on interviews for a long time..
3. Do you think anyone reading this has any idea who you are?
Well, this was a good idea to have a metal drum slut like myself doing 20 Q’s, I have been in a few big bands over the years. Testament, Machine Head, Exodus, Death Angel, Konkhra, I would hope one or two people here know who the fuck I am. But hey, If they don’t know me, well here you go fuckers, I’m me.
4. Rank the following drummers on a scale of 10-1. 1 being a hack, and 10 being a God of Thunder.
Lars Ulrich = 1, He’s a full on fuck face. This guy has bugged me for years now.
Steven Adler = 7, Steve gets points just for being so sweet to me, and always rockin’ out no matter what. He played my drum kit the last time we opened for him…
He looked so small behind my huge set of Yamahas! I got a cool photo of us hanging out with my drums.
Vinnie Paul = 10, VP is one of my all time fave drummers hands down. This guy has it all worked out. And it was one of the coolest things, to be able to meet and party with him over the years.
The retarded drummer chick from the White Stripes = GET A HELMET FOR THIS LITTLE BUS DRUMMER! My friends know her and they told me the she belts down TWO bottles of Makers Mark whisky a DAY!!!!! And that she won’t ever show her teeth cuz they are all gray/black from years of drinking and not brushing.
Dave McClain = 6, He can play. Plays my old drum parts from MH a bit strange at times. I think sometimes he goes for the Hot Topic looks, and showing off moves more than just playing the drums at times. He was a nice guy when I met him.
Neil Peart = 10, My wife won tix to RUSH last year and we got to watch him play within 30 feet….I was trippin’ out on how he still plays with fire and all the moves are played hard and fast. If you get the chance to see the RUSH IN RIO DVD, do it!!!!
Per M. Jensen = 10, Per took my place in the Danish band I was in back in ’97, Konkhra. He is now in the Haunted. I just hung out all day at Ozzfest with The Haunted boys and had a blast. They went on at 11:00am and it hurt my head to take in all the metal at that time of the day. Per and I love to smoke weed and choop it up about drummers, so when we get in the same room it is like a smoke machine went crazy on the bus.. Plus with Chuck Billy with us too… it was nuts!!!!
Tommy Lee = 10, He bugs me with all the media hype now, but he rocks for sure, and he was always a big part of my playing over the years. I have to say, I was so happy to play CrueFest and play Dr. Feel Good and Primal Scream at the Whisky A Go-Go the home of Crue. I got to hang with Tommy a few times, once in a tattoo shop in LA I was getting work done at. He was with Bobby Brown, she was all over him like some drunk fuck doll, she was a mess. And then once in Denmark in ’97 after playing on the same fest with Motley Crue on the Swine Tour. He was hella nice to my wife and myself. We walked around the Streets talking about drumers, and bands we went and got some food at Tex-Mex, My Fave Danish Food/Bar. I went to buy Tommy a drink…. and OOOoopppssss, he was not drinking at the time… My bad Tommy! He was like "Shit, Thanks Chris…. you seem like the kind of people I could just have a few drinks with… but I just can’t do it bro, but I’ll take an OJ!" Damn… I meet the party animal of the world, and he can’t party, just my luck…. It still was a cool time chillin’ out with him that night. I have to say he looks a bit haggard right now. My friend is out with Tommy’s band right now with that guy T-Low rappin, he is out as the tour manager.
Nicko Mcbrain = 10, I got to meet him in ’94 when MH played the Concrete Management Foundations forum in LA. He was so cool to everyone then, And just the other day at Ozzfest we met again. UP THE IRONS!!!!! He is always pushing the songs limits and doing new stuff with them. I just love his playing and his attitude with life. I did an Iron Madien tribute band a while back called "Iron Vegan", with some local Punk rockers here in Oakland. It was so fun!!!!
Alex Van Halen = 10, I have been watching him play ever since ’78!!!! I never thought I would have to play all of his stuff, but now that I’m doing HFT, I have to say it is some of the tuffest drumming I have ever played.
OK……… Here’s some Tribute Band shit talkin’ for ya…….I think Scott from Atomic Punks sucks! Alex Van Halen was a mad man on stage. Sometimes he was out of control. But Scott misses all that shit when he plays. I do all the High-Hat work and fills, plus I go crazy and puke and spit beer around and give up the real Alex vibe!!!! He looks like Simon Kirk from Bad Co. He looks like he is fresh out of Newport Beach or some shit. Ralph and Russ have it down, but I think the drumming in the punks is lackluster. He should stick to the RUSH stuff. Look, if you’re doing it for big money, then fuckin’ DO IT RIGHT,OK? ALEX RULES! Now was that Sludge e’nuff for ya?
Chris hiding someone’s bass behind his kit
5. At what time did you wake up today, and can you describe the first 3 hours of your day for us?
I got up today at 10:20 am. I got up and did some work on the PC, set up the day at the studio with the new band. I got some fuel down my guts, smoked a bowl or three and then got into this crap.
6. You’ve been in a shit load of bands such as Machine Head, Verbal Abuse, Attitude Adjustment, Exodus, Death Angel, Testament, Anti Trust, and probably a few others we’re forgetting. Why couldn’t you stick with one of those projects? Are you really that difficult to work with?
Shit, look how many members have been in all of those bands, that should answer that one for ya….Really, it is like a few hundred people going in and out of those bands. Some of the people in those bands were the worst in the world as far as dealing with people’s feelings. So it was not ME all of the time. But, I do push really hard to make it in this biz. And I don’t puppy up to people at all, so some can’t deal with me… I could give a fuck about that part of my career really. Band members are like girlfriends/wifes or some shit like that. You fight but you don’t get to fuck and make up! And it can go so wrong, just like anything else can. I’m friends with 80% of all the guys I played with. But some are just little assholes to me now.
7. Of the following, which do you prefer and why:
Exodus or Heathen = EXODUS!!!! Heathen always wanted to be Exodus anyway, now Lee Altus is in Exodus and I got to hear the new CD on the Haunted bus on Saturday…… IT KILLS!!!!
Pee Wee Herman or Mr. T = Mr. T fool, he would never mess with no kids.
Knight Rider or Baywatch = Hate the HOFF!
Crouching Tiger or Hero = TUFF ONE……..ONG BOK!
Fruity Pebbles or Fruit loops = LOOPS!!!! They rip your mouth apart.
The Oakland Raiders or World Peace = FUCK THE WORLD!!!!! RAIDERS!!!!!!
Vicious Rumors or Testament = Same as before…..VR are wanabees. Testament had the jump on them and that is the sad fact. Larry was the old drummer of HFT. He’s a nut case….but in a good way!
Hand jobs or Rim jobs = Hand jobs.. Stay off my bunger!!!!!
Steve Perry or Huey Lewis = Well…. I would have to give it to Huey. Steve got all baby rocker and just quit on music.
Gay Bikers or Transvestites = Transvestites rule! We got into the tranny shack party’s all the time. You get the real deal with them and it is a fuckin blast to hang in a party without lame people and yuppies and jocks. That world is so cool to me. It is the birth of punk you know? All the best punk clubs back in the day were gay clubs. You can be yourself and no one will judge you in any way at all. Good people!!
8. While in the Servants, you opened up for Adler’s Appetite. It’s rumored that you projectile vomited at the end of your set. What led to that happening, and what sort of stomach contents came flying out of you that night?
Ok, it was the night after Dimebag was taken from us…. I was real crushed by it all. I was with Dimebag just nine days before it happened. He was so nice to me every time we hung out. So we got so much Crown and Coke that it was a fuckin’ joke! I had at least 12 black tooths before we even left our studio that night. The back stage was a fuckin mess. We went off like it was the last day on earth. By the time we went on stage I was fucked up to the hilt!!!!! But I was playing quite well for that matter. At the end of the set we did a Pantera song for dimes……"DIMEONATION" Well I start to puke big time.. But ask Ette, I never missed a beat. And it was all Crown ‘n Coke!!!! Adler had to play right after me and stepped in the wetness….heheheheheheh! I bet he has done that to some one before too. After we all drank and chilled with Steven and his band, by the end of the night I had to put him up on my shoulder and take him and put him in the van so they could leave. I love that guy!!!!!
9. Alright, everyone knows you had a big falling out with Machine Head. We know you don’t want to talk about it, but fuck it, this is Metal Sludge, so we’ll ask anyway. What happened?
Really, that is fuckin’ 11 years ago people.. But I will say this about it all. I was sick of the tuff guy shit and working for nothing but one guys dream. I have got in so much beef over telling this whole story online before. I work with and I am still friends with the Manager and his girlfriend, so I try not to go into that story much. After so long in the same town, I have seen all the guys, and had long talks with them, it just does not bug me that much any more. MH have had a real ruff time over the years, and I think all that shit speaks for itself. I love the Burn My Eyes CD I’m on, if that makes any dif. And I meet people all the time that say it was the best thing MH ever did.
10. We know that you’re buddies with Ette. Has she ever done anything stupid or embarrassing while hanging out and drinking? We want dirt.
I caught my wife and Ette making out in our van one time. I got wood!!!! I love Ette, she has got my back all the time, and has helped me out in a bunch of ways… She is my homie forever!!!!! I would beat down any fool that fucked with her in any way….. so be cool and nice to her or get blasted in the mouth by drum crusher!
11. Yes or no, have you ever:
Licked a bag = Just to get the coke out!
Slapped a Midget = No, but I told a story about my drum tech doing his midget act on the road to make me happy…. and right after I was done telling the story, I looked over to my left, and this midget with a huge hamburger was standing right next to us listening to the whole thing…. She and her boyfriend just started at me like I was an asshole, I felt like crap! I want to fuck Bridget the Midget real bad. I think she is sexy as all get out!!!!! Call me if you read this honey.
Played Hopscotch = No
Shit in a phone booth = No….but I fucked in one!!!
Owned a pair of Nunchucks = Fuck yeah!!!! I’m sick with it! I’m the target age for all that Bruce Lee shit!
Performed a trick involving a flashlight and your ballsack = YES the world famous BAT WING!!!!! I wish I had a photo of it to show ya…. Someday maybe.
Whacked off in a tube sock = I just let it fly!!!!! It’s all about your diet you know?* One time we had a tour bus and the last band was No Doubt, so I got Gwen’s bunk. It smelled like a girl.. I beat off right away with all that perfume in the bunk. It ruled!!!! The driver told us that Bonnie Raitt was the next to take the bus over so on the last date I gave her "Something To Talk About"..
*I heard that Tommy Lee once asked porn star Peter North how he got the huge loads all the time, Peter told him "It’s all about your diet Tommy" He told Tommy, "I eat an entire bunch of celery before I would shoot a scene". So I guess Tommy tried that and got hella sick, hahahahah!!!!.
Drove drunk = I hate to.. but yes.
Laughed so hard you pissed yourself = only on acid.
Been arrested = Come on now.
12.Of all the bands you’ve opened up for, which one was the coolest, and which one was the biggest bunch of fuck heads you’ve ever dealt with?
I have mostly have good times with bands I open for, BUT…….. Glen Danzig is one hell of a shit bag in my book. This guy has his head up his ass. I wish I could have been in the room when he got knocked out! He walked around "Comic Con" bugging the DC people about him playing the part of Logan in the X-men……what a dick this guy is. I call him "TINY ELVIS".
13. What’s the obsession with all the Japanese shit?
I just like Japs….just kidding. I love that place, It was one of the coolest places I ever went to play music. I do Ju-Jitsu, When I went to Japan I found it to be fast and full of life. The kids were so much differnt from the kids here. The fans at the Airport when you land, with the gifts and the candy and drawings of the band, running all over the place to see you at the hotels, walking around with you while you shop, eat, It was a trip to have that vibe. I made good friends over in Japan. Plus I love Japanese movies, old and new ones. I’m playing with a guy from Japan right now so I hope to learn how to speak some Japanese soon.
14. Quickly give us your fondest memory from the following years:
1978 = Van Halen!!!!
1983 = Football and girl friends
1986 = The first year with my wife
1989 = Went to Europe for the first time.
1992 = Went out to meet my half Brothers for the first time, and saw my dad for the first time in years.
1995 = Got hitched to my lovely wife.
1998 = Went out with my half brothers band, playing hippy jam music with him.
2000 = Doing The Servants CD
2002 = Raiders in the Super Bowl. Win Lose or Tie! RAIDERS till I die!!!!!
2005 = Starting over in the metal world.
15. Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being nasty like a dead and rotting sea bass, and 10 being a goddess.
Lindsay Lohan = 5, Gum Ball.
Pamela Anderson = 8, Fuck Doll. But she makes me laugh so that counts for a lot of the 8
Kylie Minogue = 8, Killer little ass on that one. She is almost a G.I.L.F. now too.
Shakira = 9, Nice BIG ass on that one! But the voice bugs the crap out of me!
Ette = 10, She is my Huggels!!!!!
Courtney Love = 1, Dead sea bass you said, right?
Juliya from Fuse/Uranium = 7, I would tap that ass, but she is getting too big for her thong lately. She gets all "NECK WIT IT" now…..notice that?
Carmen Elektra =10, Dave is a lucky man.
Judge Judy =1, She needs to be hung up by her feet, and left till her head bursts!!!!!
Elvira = 8, I like her redhead look better. Full on G.I.L.F.
16. What hard rock/heavy metal band should give it up and call it a day?
Easy, Metallica! Fuckin worthless now!!!!
17. Name one good thing about:
Girls = Yummy
Drugs = Yummy
Mosquitos = West Nile Virus!!!!
Alcatrazz = The band? They Rocked!!! The rock? Been on it!
Chia Pets = Rule
Double kick pedals = Rule!!!!
Masturbation = Yummy
Licorice = Hate Black, Love RED.
Dogs = Buddy
VH1 = Cool, I guess..
18. For $25,000 in cold, hard cash, you have to stand in the corner of your parents’ bedroom and watch them have full-on sexual intercourse from arousal to climax. For an extra $10,000, you have to masturbate yourself to full orgasm while watching them. Would you do it?
My Dad is dead, and my Mom is my whole world. I would not like to answer this one you sick fuckin sludge heads!
But… I shot a load on a TUFF LP once, will that count for anything?!
19. The Last of Chris Kontos:
Last gig you played = With HFT in Half Moon Bay with 1,300 people watching at Bone 107.7 Home Town
Last new CD you purchased = Mastodon
Last concert you watched from the audience = Black Crowes 3 nights at the Fillmore in SF….GODS!
Last film you saw in the theatre = Batman Returns
Last sporting event you attended = The Last Raiders game of last year.
Last interview you did (before this one) = One with a Jap punk rock mag just a month or two ago for AA
Last thing that made you happy = Ozzfest this week, I got to see a ton of friends in bands, and had a working pass that got me all over the whole place. I watched Black Sabbath from the side stage and I was the last one to say goodnight to Ozzy.
Last thing that made you sad = Seeing Ozzy say good bye to his fans for the last time in SF.
Last thing that pissed you off = Tony Malson and how he handled leaving The Servants.
Last time you barfed = After Motorhead at the Warfield three months ago.
20. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association! We mention a name, and you give us your thoughts.
Gene Simmons = Master of Rock, Money, Merch, and Set-ups!! Like Nikki Sixx said "If you have to stage it, It might not be really happening"
Nikki Sixx = GOD!!! Just so cool and Punk rock.. I was always be a Nikki fan!!!!
Jizzy Pearl = EGO Freak.
Gus Pepa = Quiet and Cool.
Sebastian Bach = Crazy. Hella fun to party with. The real deal.
Mike Tramp = Lame ass fake singer.
Dimebag Darrell = The IDOL!!!! He will always be part of my life. Everyone in music should follow his lead when it comes to being cool and nice and a good host to everyone you meet in this fucked up world.
Robbie Crane = Might be the nicest guy in LA. Sweetheart!
Kerry King = He was hella cool to me always. We played 109 shows with Slayer in ’94 and it was killer. We played alot of sports on the tour, He can really throw a football. His tech Paul Crook was a nice guy too.
Chip Z’ Nuff = I love him like a long lost brother. He all ways treats me like gold any time I see him! I met him in ’93 while I was recording the MH CD at Fantacy Studios. He was working with Neil Schon’s blues project at the time. He would come down and listen to us mixing and give advice to us about things. He was hella funny. Chip knows all about my Dad’s work (search Tommy Kaye) and tripped out that I was his son. I just got to open for Enuff Z’ Nuff last year. It was fun as hell.
So that’s it Sludge heads. I thank Ette for the support and all my friends that read this.
And hey, don’t take it too hard if I blew you up in the interview, it’s all the truth and you know it sucka! Don’t be a sissy rocker. Hahahaha!
Rock on fuckers,
Another entertaining and 99% grammatically correct 20 Questions from your pals at Metal Sludge! Thanks to Chris for being down and taking our asinine questions seriously.
And don’t forget to check out our MSX II – Midwest Tour, currently playing in a cornfield near you!