Home / Features / Sludge Wire / SludgeWire Idol Round I – 1/19/05

SludgeWire Idol Round I – 1/19/05


SludgeWire Idol


Joining us today for round one of SludgeWire Idol are Baz Von Poley (BVP), Clifford "Junior" Newsted (CJN), Doro Jett (DJ), Jet Boy George (JBG), Josie Hilton (JH), and Lord Satyr Filth (LSF). These contributors are losing their SludgeWire virginity today. It’s up to you to pick who will make it to round 2, and who will get the boot this week. Remember to vote for your favorite first-time SludgeWire commentator at the end of the post! Everybody ready? Good. Let’s go!

From HardRadio.com:

Reports say that MEGADETH frontman DAVE MUSTAINE would be contributing to the soundtrack for Rock School, a documentary that focuses on the Philadelphia-based Paul Green School of Rock – which was immortalized in actor Jack Blacks hit film School Of Rock – have been confirmed by the man himself at the band’s official website. "Well, (Wednesday, January 12th) was very interesting indeed. I was approached to sing over a cover version of ‘Peace Sells’ for a movie/soundtrack. This version was done by young kids from the ‘real’ ‘School of Rock’, the story that Jack Black based his hilarious comedy film on. Things got interesting when I got to the studio and Lance said that the producers never sent the drives with all of the tracks on it. Uh, whoops?!? So, hours are grumbling by, and we finally get the track downloaded off of the Internet, but naturally it is not in the correct format. Now, a great deal of time later we finally start working and things are clicking. I only had to make a slight adjustment to the arrangement, but excluding that, these kids were terrific! Thank God for that, because from the moment I walked back into Phase Four, I absolutely hated it. It seems that the owner has built a patio over the parking lot, got a liquor license, and now runs a very public bar over what SHOULD be a very private studio. I asked him (the owner) about having the place locked out (which means I am the only one there ? that’s how I like to work) because I heard a lot of people talking and he said, ‘I specifically said there was a bar now, and no one was to come down these steps, blah, blah, blah, biddy-boop a lop, an a jizz jazz a razz.’ I guess you can see I turned off my ears while he was playing hot shot telling me about his ‘bar’ meanwhile a wanker bartender comes down the steps right after his sermon. I had hoped to have time to go see Mike Learn, Mike Ferguson ? the fabricator making the new drum rack (so we can get rid of the one Nick played), and get my ears lowered, but the day was completely shot. I did however see Ralph Patlan and we talked about a lot of cool stuff coming up. I wish you all could meet this dude; he is awesome! Anyway, ‘Peace Sells’ has now been officially sung by me with the School of Rock kids and will be hopefully in yer sweaty mitts sometime soon. If not for the (hopefully) awesome version that these kids did, then just for the fact that they are little guys playing MEGADETH. Thanks to my dear friend Bob Chiappardi (president of Concrete Marketing) for the tremendous opportunity to get outside of the box and do something that I would not normally do. And thanks to the kids and the School of Rock for even thinking about me. I look forward to meeting you all personally someday soon."

BVP: What in the fuck was all that "Biddy-boop a lop, an a jizz jazz a razz" shit? When did Dave wake up and start doing skat like Ella Fitzgerald? The only Dave who should be allowed to pull shit like that is David Lee Roth.

CJN: Dave has gone soft. He’s gotten even more soft since the passing of Dimebag, which he claims has really made him think about thinks in his life. I predict that that will chnage on 1.25.05 when Metallica’s DVD comes out & people again begin to ask him & Lars about their "homo" moment… As for this project? It’s outside of the box, that’s for sure. Well at least he’s not singing with Miss Piggy!

DJ: Dave Mustaine is channeling Michael Jackson. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And "a wanker bartender?" Since when is Mustaine British?

JBG: Dave said he was getting his ears lowered??? Is this gonna be a VH1 specal, the remaking of Dave Mustiane? I can see it now…
Doctor: Dave, what would you like done?
Dave: I want my ears lowered.
Doctor: How low?
Dave: On my shoulders please, and I want my knee caps raised too.
Doctor: Okay, lets do it.

JH: Baz, he said jizz, not skat. You perv!

LSF: All things considered, Dave should feel lucky that anybody cared about his washed up career to even call him much less give him a private studio. Dave, you have not sold that many records in the last several years, that high hoarse is looking a little feeble there.

FRAMESHIFT, featuring Henning Pauly and Sebastian Bach, have posted the latest in-studio video footage from the recording sessions for An Absence Of Empathy at www.henningpauly.com. The following is the latest inside look at the songs from ProgRock Records president Shawn Gordon: "We had a nice surprise today and our good friend Michael Sadler from Saga came out with his wife Gwen to visit us at the studio. We enlisted them to help put some more screaming on ‘Push The Button’. Sadly, they didn’t have a lot of time to stay, but it’s always good to spend time with them. They are great folks. We’re supposed to be starting on ‘Miseducation’ here today. This is the other side of ‘Outcast’, which we haven’t done yet, but we did those lyric revisions yesterday on it. So, in the this song we have the abusive teacher that is passing judgement on the students and deciding who is worth spending time on and who isn’t. This causes a student uprising to ensue during the choruses. The verses are from the perspective of the teacher. It’s a real rock anthem sounding type of thing. After we finished up with ‘Miseducation’, Sebastian wanted to go back to ‘Blade’ and work on some more of the high harmony stuff because his voice was nice and warm. We went in and did a really cool vocal bit on the intro that he had been hearing in his head on this one, and again we have another goosebump maker."

JBG: Goose bump maker? Well, I’m conviced now, say no more. This will surely be a track for the future release of "Now Thats What I Call Goosebump Makers Vol 36."

JH: What? Pauly Shore and the Bach Tight Five??? That’s hot!

LSF: The only reason that Sebitchin?s voice was nice and warm is he just got through sucking off the guy that wrote this crap.

According to Maidenfans.com, IRON MAIDEN’S ‘The Number Of The Beast’ single has entered the official European Charts at #7. There are hopes for the single to stay another week in Top 10 as the first week only takes into acount UK, Irish, Swiss and French charts positions. This is the band’s best position since ‘Man On The Edge’, which entered at #7 in 1995 and ‘Holy Smoke’, which entered at #6 in 1990.

CJN: Wait a minute isn’t this an old update?! The Number of the Beast?! That was in the early 80’s?! Right?!

JBG: Wow, just goes to show that people are so bored with music of today that a song 50 yrs old is back in the top ten. I heard that Warrants "Uncle Tom’s Cabin" is coming in the Billboard top 100 at # 3 next week.

LSF: I know this is me thinking out loud but as much as I love Maiden and ?Beast,? wasn?t this song released 22 years ago? Who the hell cares and why are we making such a big deal about it?

MOTLEY CRUE action figure sets will be up for grabs in a promotion for the band’s reunion tour this spring. Global Spectrum and McFarlane Toys are teaming to offer concertgoers at five venues the chance to win a set along with a pair of concert tickets. The promotion is part of Global Spectrum’s effort to explore more creative marketing tools, while McFarlane Toys is seeking to expand its customer base. "This is a way to draw attention to our venues," Global Spectrum COO John Page says. "Traditional forms of advertisement aren’t having the same impact they used to." Page also notes that because consumers enter the contest online (through each venue’s Web site), the promotion will enlarge Global Spectrum’s database. One winner will be randomly selected through each site, and prizes likely will be distributed at the venue the day of each Motley Crue show. The action figure set is based on the band’s 1983 Elektra album, Shout At The Devil, and features members Vince Neil (vocals), Tommy Lee (drums), Nikki Sixx (bass) and Mick Mars (guitar). The set is available at select retailers for $50-$60 US. Global Spectrum and McFarlane Toys have explored promotional giveaways before. Global Spectrum worked with a number of its venues last year to give away copies of BON JOVI’s CD This Left Feels Right: Greatest Hits With a Twist and the group’s boxed set, 100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong! Island Records released both sets. Rachel Carasso, promotions manager for McFarlane Toys, says that previous deals with Clear Channel Entertainment and Ozzfest have proved to be successful. "We’ve made figures of KISS for years and have worked to offer giveaways at their venues," she says. "This past summer, we debuted our second Ozzy Osbourne figure and worked closely with Ozzfest."

BVP: Didn’t Todd McFarlane just lose his ass in a multi-million dollar lawsuit? He should hold off on the production of Crüe figurines, and instead, put out something that’s guaranteed to sell millions. Something like a Bad Boys of Metal 2004 Tour action figure set, complete with a missing Jani Lane figurine, a Kevin DuBrow with a Kung Fu grip, and a Steven Adler figure that keeps falling over every time you try to stand it up. Now that would generate crowds of crazed shoppers bigger than Tickle-Me Elmo or the Cabbage Patch Kids ever did!

CJN: I must admit these figures look great! They worked out all the bugs on these figures with all the various KISS items. I want a set, but I can hold off until they are on clearance at Spencer Gifts… Free?! That’s another thing though….

DJ: That last line makes me envision McFarlane making these huge animatronic Kiss members, just like in that cheesy Hanna Barbera movie they did. Which, wait… not a bad idea for Crue…. get an animatronic Mick Mars.

JBG: Nowhere in this pointless babbling of news did I even remotely become enthused. I’m now dumber having read this. I award them no points and may God have mercy on their souls.

JH: Rumor has it production is already underway on a replacement figure in case the Mick Mars doll breaks a hip. The replacement will go great next to the Tommy Thayer "Ace" figure and the RATT 2004 band set!

LSF: You know what I want to see? I want to see a set based on the current Motley Crue. Mick Mars can come with accessories like a replacement hip and possibly a death certificate.

MOTLEY CRUE frontman VINCE NEIL’s official website (vinceneil.net) has been updated with the following message: "We have just received some new photos from Vince and Lia’s wedding on Sunday (January 9th). With MC Hammer officiating, the pair exchanged vows in front of a celebrity crowd that included Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx, Dennis Rodman and Playboy Playmate Brande Roderick. In other news, management reports that the single ‘Promise Me’ will be released very soon. Stay tuned for more details soon." Check out the photos from Vince and Lia’s wedding at vinceneil.net.

BVP: "My friend… you’ve been with me… since the beginning… of everything…" Fuck, the song hasn’t even been released yet and it’s already fucking stuck in my head. Damn that Desmond Child! Damn him!

CJN: Vince is no catch, but then again, neither is his bride. She looks like she has seen better daze doesn’t she? With that said, she’s still above average. Not bad looking for a chick in her 50’s…. I give it about 6 months tops.

DJ: Mick Mars tried to attend, but when he asked for directions, he was mistaken for the corpse in a funeral down the hall.

JBG: "Promise Me" will probably make it on the Billboard Charts just behind "Number Of The Beast," "Uncle Toms Cabin" and the latest release from the PepperMint Creeps.

JH: They didn’t mention that OJ Simpson and Kato Kaelin were there. Oh shit, nevermind… that’s MC Hammer and Vince.

LSF: You know, I think our perception of what a celebrity is has gone way downhill lately. All I see is a bunch of wash ups watching a wash up getting married by a wash up.

Rolling Stone (www.rollingstone.com) have issued the following VELVET REVOLVER report from Steve Baltin: Many doubted that the potentially combustible combination of Scott Weiland and former members of Guns N’ Roses could last more than one album, but Velvet Revolver are hoping to have the last laugh. Guitarist Slash says that, after a worldwide tour, the supergroup plans to get cracking on its second record in the fall. "As soon as we get off the road, we want to start getting the next record done and get it out," he says. "We don’t want to lose momentum." The group already has plenty of material to follow up its 2004 chart-topping debut, Contraband. "We’ve got tapes and tapes of stuff that we’ve been writing at soundcheck," Slash says. "There should be more than an album’s worth of material. And then there’s all the stuff we wrote before we did the first record that we never really touched." Slash also thinks that, with the orientation phase of the band over, their sophomore effort should come together more easily. "When we did this first record, it was like a bunch of kids in a sandbox all thrown in at one time," he says. "Now we’ve managed to play together as a band, grow as a band and get to know each other as a band."

CJN: While I’m not a fan, I am glad to see Slash & Duff getting the porject off the ground & selling records. I wish ‘em all the best & hope Scott can keep his ass out of the slammer!

DJ: "lose momentum" is Slash-speak for "Scott’s inevitable OD."

JH: Whenver anyone tells Scott to ‘get cracking,’ he instantly disappears from the studio, and comes back 2 hours later with a few $20 rocks and a beercan with holes poked into it.

LSF: The above line should have read "Guitarist Slash says that, after a worldwide tour, the super group plans to get cracking on keeping Weiland out of jail."

RACER X guitarist PAUL GILBERT has announced that he will be at this year’s NAMM show on Thursday, January 20th at the Ibanez booth. Fans are invited to come by and say hello. Go to www.thenammshow.com for detailed information on the event. In other news, Gilbert’s new as-yet-untitled solo album has been mixed and will be mastered today (January 14th). A release date has yet to be confirmed.

CJN: If I didn’t have to work I’d be there! Damn it! Do you think Paul would have signed my drill?!

DJ: I bet my left tit it will still be out before CHINESE DEMOCRACY.

JBG: Also apperaing alongside Paul at NAMM will be the top hat and dirty boots from the cover of the Mr. Big record.

LSF: That post should have been addressed "Attention all Japanese fans," because nobody in America actually cares about his work.

BW&BK sources say that UK rockers DEF LEPPARD and Canuck icon BRYAN ADAMS may be hooking up for a North American tour this summer. As previously reported, the Best Of Def Leppard was recently issued in Europe and a North American street date is pending and could coincide with their aforementioned tour.

CJN: This coming from a band that says they want to rock again?! They don’t have me fooled….

JBG: Finally a tour with some balls!!! Look out Slayer and Slipknot!!!

JH: I just realized that both Def Leppard and Bryan Adams had their biggest heyday nearly a quarter of a century ago, and that made me feel old. Thanks a whole fucking lot.

LSF: This will be labeled the ?Bored To Death? tour. Next??

The producers of Nashville Star, USA Network’s grassroots talent search series to find the next country music superstar, have named the third and final celebrity judge, rock band POISON front man BRET MICHAELS. Michaels will join show host LEANN RIMES I’m just waiting for her to be on VH-1’s "The Remaking of", as soon as they get a veterinarian on staff. That girl looks like a Mack truck backed over the face of a bulldog and previously announced judges Phil Vassar and Anastasia Brown for the third season of the show, which will premiere on Tuesday, March 1, 2005, from 10:00 – 11:00 PM (ET/PT) on USA Network. The show also continues its commitment to booking the hottest guest artists for its third season with a list of some of the most popular names in country music today. The announcement was made today by Jeff Wachtel, executive vice president, original programming, USA Network. What the FUCK is original about a program that has a format as old as the Ted Mack Amateur Hour? At this rate, I could be a network VP. "Having sold over 25 million records, Bret Michaels is one of the best-known and longest-running successes in the music business," said Wachtel. "But what will surprise his fans, is that he has always had one foot firmly planted in country music. He has the crossover appeal that we are looking for in our judges panel this season." Just wait, if this pays off for him, Tommy Lee will be campaigning for next year’s slot as a judge Montgomery Gentry, the Charlie Daniels Band and Sara Evans are among the artists scheduled to guest-star and perform on the show. Additional artists will be announced throughout the season, which also promises several surprise guests. See, I told you it would be Tommy Lee! The grand prizewinner of the third season of Nashville Star will be awarded a recording contract from Universal South Records. Quick, someone call DJ Ashba! He might actually get a contract out of this…

CJN: I’ll be honest with you, I saw the last show & I thought the people on there had talent. Brett keeps trying to get his foot into the country genre. Why? There’s not a market for a balding so-so looking dude there? There’s already one & his name is Tim McGraw.

JH: "So-so looking?" I’d still do him. And didn’t you hear? Tim McGraw has turned to the dirty south and teamed up with Nelly.

LSF: I always thought whenever I saw a Poison video that their scrap had country written all over them. (Sarcasm mode turned off.) Listen Poison fans: Bret knows that Poison are done and his solo career has taken off like a wet bottle rocket, so this is the only place he can turn. Sad.

MANOWAR have confirmed that they will be headlining the Masters Of Rock Festival in Vizovice, Czech Republic on July 16th. This will be the band’s only festival performance in Eastern Europe this summer. Bassist Joey DeMaio says: "The Czech Republic is one heavy country filled with serious metal warriors. We plan to scorch the earth with pure power and we will have some very special surprises just for our Czech fans. We are expecting to see you on July 16th. in the Czech Republic." Masters Of Rock will take place on July 15th-17th. Head to www.mastersofrock.cz and for more info.

BVP: Also head over to mastersofrock.cz to laugh at people who don’t write in English very well. Even Slaughter fans have a better sense of grammar and composition than whoever put that piece of broken drivel together.

CJN: Does anyone in America care about these guys & their tired act? Their "Groo" on stage personas didn’t catch on in the 80’s & they sure as hell won’t bring you any cred now…. Go away!

JBG: A country of metal warriors? They plan to scorch the earth with their power? Oh shit, the terror alert level just up to orange!!!

LSF: Please tell me why this band is still around.

TESLA continues to support their latest studio album, Into The Now, by hitting the road in early 2005 for a special acoustic tour, which will also serve to commemorate the 15th anniversary of their groundbreaking album, Five Man Acoustical Jam. Each show on the ‘Five Man Acoustical Jam 2005′ tour will be an evening with Tesla. There is no opening act. Vocalist Jeff Keith, guitarist Frank Hannon, guitarist Tommy Skeoch, bass guitarist Brian Wheat and drummer Troy Luccketta will play full two-hour sets loaded with classic hits, covers and new favorites from Into The Now including ‘Caught In A Dream’ and the current single ‘What A Shame’.

CJN: Go out & support Tesla! I saw them on tour with the Scorps & they killed! They are one of the few bands from the 80’s that has credibility & hasn’t worn out their welcome.

JBG: At first glance, the bass player’s name looks like it says "Buck Wheat."

JH: Doing an all-acoustic performance lets Tesla scale back the tour costs in a big way. No backline, no fancy stage props, and no support act means lower costs for the band, more cash in their pockets, and a shitload of more drinkin’ money for Tommy Skeoch. (Note to Telsa: Better keep fill-in guitarist Scott Johnson on paid retainer until the acoustic tour is over.)

LSF: I almost felt my mullet growing back while reading this post. I guess if something worked really well 15 years ago it will now. Just ask Revlon Red! (Sarcasm mode turned off.)

Britain’s Cherry Red Records (www.cherryred.co.uk) are set to reissue DEEP PURPLE bassist ROGER GLOVER’s 1084 album, The Mask. A posting at the label’s site reads: "Available for the first time ever on CD, this album is a must for all Deep Purple fans! Aside from his work with Deep Purple, Glover has also performed with, written and produced artists such as RITCHIE BLACKMORE’s RAINBOW, NAZARETH, SPENCER DAVIS GROUP, IAN GILLAN, RORY GALLAGHER, MICHAEL SCHENKER and STATUS QUO amongst many others! This album will be issued with its original artwork as featured on the vinyl release some 20 years ago and bonus sleevenotes are also included." Tracks on the release include: ‘Divided World’, ‘Getting Stranger’, ‘The Mask’, ‘Fake It’, ‘Dance Again’, ‘[You’re So] Remote’, ‘Hip Level’, ‘Don’t Look Down’. An official release date has not yet been set.

BVP: Did I read that right?! His "1084 album?" Shit, I knew Roger Glover was old, but holy fuck!

CJN: Glover must be a fucking Vampire or something! Even if that’s the case, I doubt there’s any demand for this recording.

DJ: "Hip Level?" Is that a song about Paul Stanley and Mick Mars?

JBG: Rory Gallagher? Is that the guy that smahes fruit on stage with a big bat? He has a record out?? I’m searching on amazon right now.

LSF: You know, I have all the respect for Deep Purple but Roger?s solo work was total garbage. This should have stayed in the crypt, which is where Roger looks like he lives nowadays anyways.

From Blabbermouth.net:

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne are preparing to swap their Beverly Hills mansion for a humble "small house with a small garden," according to the New York Post.

"It’s quietly on the market," Sharon disclosed in a phone interview with The Post from the house Friday (Jan. 14). "We’re not going to put a ‘for sale’ sign outside, but a few brokers in town know that it’s on the market.

"The kids are growing up, they’re moving out," Sharon said. "Once Kelly and Jackie-boy go, it’s way too big for us. They want their own homes now, and Ozzy and I want a small house with a small garden for the dogs."

Sharon said Ozzy has been clean and sober for nine months, ever since he kicked the painkillers to which he became addicted following the crash of an all-terrain vehicle he was driving on his English estate last February.

Ozzy’s addiction drama is the focal point of the season premiere of "The Osbournes" tonight at 10:30 on MTV – the first of 10 new episodes.

"The first episode really, really shows Ozzy really out of it," Sharon said. "He wasn’t drinking, but he was on a lot of drugs – loads and loads of pain pills. But he’s in the condition today where he can say, ‘Thank God I’ve come through that and I’m not that way anymore.’ "

After "The Osbournes" and "Battle for Ozzfest", Sharon said she and Ozzy – who helped usher in an entire era of celebrity reality shows – are finished with reality TV. But they’re not done with TV.

They even have a new project in the works, an "unstructured" sitcom for Fox, possibly for next fall, Sharon said. "There is no script, but there is a whole storyline to the show, but we ad-lib our lines," she said, describing a technique used in such shows as "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and the upcoming "Fat Actress".

CJN: Aren’t you sick of these motherfuckers? I never thought I’d ever say that about Ozzy — one of my idols growing up.

DJ: Ok, how many times has Ozzy been sober now? Probably more times than Kirstie Alley has hijacked the dessert cart. And I fail to see how their description of an "unstructured sitcom" is any different from what they’ve already done with their show–if you believe that’s unvarnished spontaneity, you also probably believe that I’m a Catholic priest.

JH: "Fat Actress" ? so Kelly got her own show too?

LSF: Note to Sharon, to ad lib, you need to understand the ad liber first, which means Ozzy is assed out of this show. While I am here, did the above comments by Sharon sound more like Ozzy and hariet, not Ozzy and Sharon?

JUDAS PRIEST have posted a high-resolution version of their "Angel of Retribution" album cover at their official web site. Check it out right here.

As previously reported, Epic will celebrate the reunion of the "Painkiller"-era JUDAS PRIEST lineup by issuing a DualDisc for the "Angel of Retribution" title. It is scheduled for March 1 and coinciding with the release of the CD.

Singer Rob Halford’s first album with the band in 15 years, "Angel of Retribution" was produced by Roy Z, who has previously worked on solo albums from Halford and IRON MAIDEN’s Bruce Dickinson. The set will be bundled with a concert DVD shot in a bullring in Valencia, Spain.

"Angel of Retribution" track listing:

01. Judas Rising
02. Deal With The Devil
03. Revolution
04. Worth Fighting For
05. Demonizer
06. Wheels Of Fire
07. Angel
08. Hellrider
09. Eulogy
10. Lochness

BVP: The artwork is legit, but it seems that they’ve got the track listing a bit messed up. Here’s the actual song titles:

01. Penis Rising
02. Squeal With The Dildo
03. Ejaculation
04. Worth Jizzing On
05. Sodomizer
06. Ass Of Fire
07. Anal Gel
08. Assrider
09. U R Gay
10. Cock Mess

CJN: I think the cover looks like a retread of the Metal Works cover… not that it would prevent me from picking up the disc. I look forward to hearing this, although I’m a little ticked that it has been pushed back so many times.

JBG: They wrote a song about Loch Ness? It’s about time old Nessie got her due!!!! I heard they had a bonus track on the Japanese release about Bigfoot as well.

LSF: I can only imagine Rob was dressed in a bull fighter’s costume in this arena waiting for something sharp and pointy to come running at him… Otherwise I am actually waiting for this CD, thank you.

Legendary vocalist/bassist Glenn Hughes (DEEP PURPLE, BLACK SABBATH) will be unveiling the Glenn Hughes signature bass at Manne Guitars booth at NAMM (in Anaheim, CA) this year on Saturday, January 22 at 2:30 p.m.

Hughes will be issuing his latest solo album, "Soul Mover", in Europe on January 24 via Frontiers Records. A U.S. release via Sanctuary will follow during the coming weeks.

"Soul Mover" was recorded live at Sound Image Studios in Los Angeles in the spring of 2004 and features RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS’ Chad Smith on drums, JJ Marsh on guitar and Ed Roth on keyboards. The album also features ex-RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS and JANE’S ADDICTION guitarist Dave Navarro on the title track.

CJN: Fuck, Glenn’s gonna be there too! *See Paul Gilbert…

JH: Glenn Hughes is older than my dad! Fuck, he’s almost as old as my grandpa! But he’s still not as old as Don Dokken, so at least he’s got that going for him.

LSF: It is so nice to see those Chili Pepper boys finally playing on something that is actually good.

German publisher Schwarzkopf & Schwarzkopf has announced plans to release an ALICE COOPER photo book in May. Titled "Live On Tour / Studio / Backstage", the book – as the title suggests – will feature pictures taken on the road and behind the scenes. Several photo samples from the book can be found at this location.

CJN: This should be something. I wonder if there’s any shots of Alice barfing up his liver?!

DJ: Blackhead and Blackhead? What an appetizing name for a publisher! Shouldn’t they be doing something with Lemmy and his mole?

LSF: I can’t say anything bad about Alice and if you do I will injure you. Filth has spoken.

Well, there you have it. The candidates have given their first-ever SludgeWire commentary. Now it’s time for our judges to impart words of wisdom and constructive criticism!

Dana Brittingham: Everyone didn’t do too bad, considering they’re all novice commentators and this was the first round of the competition. Baz Von Poley started off strong, but let it devolve with a bunch of juvenile gay-related comments in the Judas Priest bit. How original. Clifford "Junior" Newsted gave a fair amount of personal reflection on the news blurbs, but didn’t really let loose with the brutality where it was deserved. Doro Jett started off weak, but then shocked everyone with a surprise bit of in-line commentary with the Nashville Star bit. I liked that. Jet Boy George remained consistent throughout, balancing a display of accrued musical knowledge with sharp, sarcastic wit. Not the best in this round, but certainly not the worst. Josie Hilton is simply not good enough for this competition. My feeling is that Lord Satyr Filth owned this round — he didn’t hold back on anything and with the right cultivation, he could end up being one of the most brutal Sludge staff writers ever.

Donna Anderson: I don’t care how juvenile Baz Von Poley’s comments were. That shit appeals to the lowest common denominator, and I like that. Besides, he’s hot! So he definitely gets my vote. Dana was right about Clifford though. He needs to stop spewing so much self-reflection, and start dishing out the brutality. People want to see some shit-slinging here and he didn’t give much of that. Doro didn’t do too bad herself, though I wish she would stop trying to feel me up. Jet Boy George is funny, though I heard he doesn’t like girls, so fuck him. But I think Dana was a little too harsh on Josie Hilton. She’s holding back for some reason; she needs to let the Sludge shine. I’m sure she’ll do much better if she makes it to the next round. And Lord Satyr Filth scares the fuck out of me, so I’m withholding any further comments.

bastard boy floyd: Whoooooooooooo! What up, what up! Listen, yo. I don’t care if everyone thinks Baz is funny. I think he’s a jackass, so he can go fuck himself with a box of pop tarts for all I care. Clifford, what up dawg! You seem to be holding back a bit. Next time, just pick someone in one of the news bits and go off on them. It doesn’t matter who. We want to see you lay into someone, a’ight? Doro Jett, you seem to have the right blend of attitude and you definitely know your shit. Good job, girl! Keep it up. Jet Boy George did good too… even if he looks like a girl, he still managed mention Buckwheat, Bigfoot, and the Peppermint Creeps all in the same SludgeWire. Josie, girl, everyone’s right. You got what it takes behind the scenes (trust me, I saw her changing into a bikini once), but girl, you need to BRING IT! And I just happened to walk in while "Filthy" was disemboweling a goat carcass once, so I’d take his warning about not slagging on Alice very, very fucking seriously. I honestly wouldn’t fuck with him, and neither should you. Or vote him out now so everyone else can rest easy at night. Word!

Our panel of judges has spoken, but don’t listen to them — it’s up to YOU to decide who did the best in this week’s SludgeWire! So please take a second to vote using the poll below. Whoever gets the least amount of votes will be kicked out of the competion and will drift in SludgeWire obscurity while all the other paticipants battle it out for the title of SludgeWire Idol!

The polls will stay open from now through Sunday, January 23rd. So don’t fuck around… VOTE NOW! 

SludgeWire Idol – Round 1
Who gave the best SludgeWire comments this week?

Baz Von Poley
Clifford "Junior" Newsted
Doro Jett
Jet Boy George
Josie Hilton
Lord Satyr Filth

View Results

Thanks to all of our contributors for participating in what will surely be a humiliating experience for everyone. Good luck to all of them!

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