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Dear Dr. Rockett

Here’s what’s up: As you know, Metal Sludge had an advice column called the Metal Sludge Advisor. We answer emails and give out advice. But who wants to ask us shit? What do we know? We can hardly update the page so we are in no position to be telling someone anything. Plus we’re lazy. So we thought it would be cool to get a real rock star to do it for us. Someone who was worldly, who has seen it all and done it all. Somebody who could help people with their problems and was well respected by everyone. Someone who had all the answers and knew what to say. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get Steven Tyler so instead you’ll have to settle for Rikki Rockett.

Fuck Dr. Ruth, Fuck Lovelines, Fuck Dear Abby, you have Dear Rockett now! He’ll give you advice on relationships, sex, music, travel, fashion, food and drink, fighting, stalking, how to hide dead bodies, what that funny growth is on your genitals is, whatever the fuck you want to ask him. And if you are coming to our page, we know you must have some problems!

You can send your questions to DearRockett@metal-sludge.com and we will forward them to Rikki. We can’t guarantee that all your questions will be answered because Dr. Rockett is a very busy man, but he’ll do the best he can to see that your problems are solved.

However, this ISN’T the chance for you to tell Dr. Rockett that he sucks, he’s a poseur, etc. Go tell that shit to the mountain because we don’t give a shit. And don’t send an email unless you have a question for Dear Rockett. And we aren’t talking questions like "Can you guys play Cry Tough on your next tour?" or "What are your favorite CDs?" We don’t want any of the either. It’s an advice column, not your chance to interview Rikki! If you are some chick he met on the road, DearRockett@metal-sludge.com isn’t the address to send your love letters too. However, if you have nude pictures of yourself we will see that those get to Rikki. We’re cool like that.

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