35 – Tenacious Dio
About Tenacious D’s song about Dio and wanting him to pass the torch. Dio comments on this and seemed to enjoy it. Tenacious D even appeared in the Dio video for "Push" though I never saw it. Well, of course I never saw it, who even plays Dio videos these days? I wouldn’t even know where to look to see something like that. That’s why Metal Sludge needs our own video show. That way I can play videos I never get to see.
34 – Phallus In Wonderland
About Gwar and how police in Athens, Georgia, shut their show down. I’m always bummed when I see Gwar without their costumes. They all look like normal people. Ruins the gimmick for me. I want to think Oderus Urungus is out there pissing on people right now but it’s actually just a dude named Dave who’s probably scratching his balls and watching TV right now. Sad.
33 – Makeup, Please!
About Kiss taking off the makeup and then putting it back on.
Tawny Kitaen said they had to because, "have you seen what they look without their makeup?" Yes I have, and I’ve seen what you look like without your makeup and I think you should be wearing Kiss makeup too, honey.
32 – DeVille’s Debacle
About C.C. playing at the MTV Awards all fucked up back in 1991. That was great TV! The funny thing is, even though C.C. was fucked up and played part of the song unplugged, he actually sounded better than when he was plugged in!
I would have loved to see the fight afterwards too. Bret says C.C. is one of his best friends. If he’s one of Bret’s best friends, then Bret doesn’t need any enemies!
31 – Axl To Grind
This is about Axl vs. Vince feud in the late 80’s, early 90’s. Back in 1989 at the Cathouse, Izzy Stradlin grabbed Sharise Neil’s tits and she slapped him, so Izzy then kicked her in the stomach. Vince said that she was pregnant, but I never heard that before. She didn’t give birth to Skylar until 1991 so I don’t know what that was about. They also referred to Sharise as his girlfriend but he was already married to her at the time.
Anyway, Vince jumped Izzy at the MTV Music Awards that year and Axl started going off and challenging Vince. Tesla says Axl would have kicked Vince’s ass, but I have to go with Vince. Vince is more of a fighter I think. I’d pay to see it though. I remember Axl telling Vince to meet him at Tower Records on Sunset to fight but Axl never showed. Somebody needs to beat Axl’s ass though.
30 – Girl Looks Like A Lady
This is about Steven being the legal guarding of a 14 year old so he could fuck her. Didn’t we just go through this with Ted Nugent back at #80? And why is Ted at 80 but Tyler is at 30? Is it because Steven had a younger chick? They should have just combined them both.
29 – F-You Senator
This deals with the PMRC and the warning labels. Blah blah blah.
28 – Bruce Lee Roth
This was actually first reported on our website! It’s about David Lee Roth hitting his head with one of his swords during a 2003 concert.
Eddie Trunk says he was annoyed as all hell to see the sword thing back with Van Halen. He gets all animated and says he doesn’t want to see this guy do a sword act. Dude, his sword thing with Van Halen lasted like 2 minutes, if that. It’s entertainment and I always thought it was cool, and I’m a Certified Metal Sludge Metal Expert so I know what the fuck I’m talking about. Classic Van Halen could have shaved sheeps on stage and I would have paid to watch it.
27 – Decline Of Western Civilization
This is about the movie, of course. Chris Holmes being drunk in the pool is still classic. It gives Jani Lane and Vince Neil something to shoot for.
26 – Have A Drink On Lemmy
About Lemmy giving a 15 year old journalist some alcohol and getting him drunk. The interviewer ended up being Steffan Chirazi who wrote for Rip, Kerrang, Metallica, etc. Ok.
25 – Meat To Please You
Another W.A.S.P. story. This has to do with W.A.S.P. throwing meat into the crowd. When asked why WASP would throw meat into the crowd, Blackie said, "We were looking for a way to literally strike fear in their hearts." And the best thing you came up with was throwing meat at the crowd? Yeah, that’s horrifying. Fans were probably running out of the building since they were so scared! (sarcasm mode turned off) If Blackie wanted to scare people, he should have just taken his shirt off and shown his man tits, that would have put fear into my heart.
24 – Backward Thinking
Judas Priest goes to court to defend themselves against backwards messages. Some really stupid family blamed the Priest song "Better By You, Better By Me" for their son committing suicide! They said it had a backwards message in the song that said "Do it." I can’t believe this actually went to court. By far one of the most idiotic court cases in the history of law.
23 – Home Is Where The Hell Is
Jimmy Page buying the house of Alister Crowley because he was into the occult. Whatever.
22 – Winning Entry
Another L7 entry. I never gave two shits about L7 so this means nothing to me. I guess in England they announced that they had a raffle and the winner got to have sex with the drummer. A fan named Jim supposedly won but L7 never discussed it. You know what this is called, publicity. If you’re going to do something like this, then you have to talk about it. Otherwise you’re full of shit. I do think that The Donnas should do this on their next tour though.
21 – Bone Sweet Bone
The Pam and Tommy video being released. We all know about this. Tawny Kitaen says it’s probably not the first video Tommy made, and she was fucking him too at one time so take that for what you want.
20 – Roadie Improvement Plan
About the David Lee Roth backstage pass incentive program. He’d give roadies passes and they’d put their initials on it, and whoever Dave ended up with, if it had a roadies initials, he’d get the guy $100. It helped teardown time get cut in half. They talk to Dave about it and it looks like new footage since he has short hair. He actually looks younger and better with it. He should have gone for that look years ago.
19 – Flasks In The U.S.S.R.
About the Moscow Music Peace Festival and how everybody was really all fucked up. It was called the Make A Difference Foundation but Sebitchian says they renamed it the "Make A Different Drink Foundation" and then he laughs, of course, because he’s hilarious. Vince says the whole thing was just a bunch of lies.
18 – Oral Access Pass
About Def Leppard’s passes having a smiling face sucking a cock. And instead of Def Leppard it said, "Dick Likker." That’s pretty rock. They also had passes that had an eye at the top, a swallow (as in the bird) in the middle, and a guy driving a boat at the bottom, and if you put it all together it meant, "I Swallow Semen." Now that’s creativity!
17 – Rump N’ Roll
Fuck, another W.A.S.P. story? They haven’t gotten this much exposure in the last 20 years! This should have been combined with the other W.A.S.P. entry about meat. This is just about Chris Holmes getting knocked out by a frozen rump roast that hit him in the head that was thrown from the stage. This didn’t deserve it’s own number. The person who threw the rump roast and knocked out Chris Holmes deserves a reward, but not it’s own number in this countdown.
16 – Heavy Metal Parking Lot
About the movie "Heavy Metal Parking Lot." I never really got into the movie because if I wanted to see a bunch of drunks I know plenty of friends I could go visit, or watch old videos of my drunken, stupid ass.
15 – Federal Excess
About the famous story of Faster Pussycat’s Mark Michaels sending his heroin to himself. Brent Muscat talked about this in this Tour Diary Entry he did for us last year. It’s a good story.