Home / Columns / Idiots of the Web by Ozzy Stillborne / Idiots Of The Web – Volume 6

Idiots Of The Web – Volume 6

 IDIOTS OF THE WEB
VOLUME 6
Warrant Street Team Emails

I haven’t done an Idiots Of The Web since August 1999, so I thought I’d bring this back for you old schoolers.  This is basically where I find some shit on the web and insult everybody. And I found some great motivation to do that, the Warrant Mailing List!

But before I get to that, this is an email about Warrant that ties in with today’s topic.

Metal Sludge,
I read Ozzy’s post about Warrant ripping off bands and I couldn’t agree more. Here are 2 examples that I know of that you might not be aware of.

1st: Jani’s "friends" in Lit were on a late night talk show last year and performed the Kink’s song "Father Christmas." I heard that Lit even recorded the song for an upcoming Christmas CD.
Then the other day I read an interview by Erik Turner saying that they recorded the song "Father Christmas" for a Christmas CD. Coincidence? Doubt it. Jani probably saw the same performance I did and just ripped off Lit.

2nd: I saw Tuff play in the Cleveland area twice in April. Once in Akron and a few days later at Billy Morris’ club. During both shows Tuff played "Dead, Jail, or Rock N Roll" by Michael Monroe. I thought that was really cool because I always liked that song.
When Tuff played the song at Billy’s club, Jani Lane was there watching them and Billy and Mike Fasano were also in attendance.  I guess Jani was in town to work on the "Under The Influence" CD, and Billy’s studio is next door to his club.
Well 3 weeks later when Warrant announces what songs are on the CD, what song is on there?
"Dead Jail Or Rock N Roll"

How lame of Warrant to do that. They knew that Tuff was playing that song out, but Warrant went and recorded it anyway. Not that there are rules in rock n roll but I would think that it’s unethical to record a song another band is covering, especially when there are a million songs to cover. Plus Dead Jail Or Rock N Roll is only about 11 years old while the rest of the songs Warrant covered are from the 70s, so it doesn’t even fit in with the rest of the album.

Can Warrant be any more unoriginal? They need other bands to think up things for them?

I just thought those examples needed to be exposed.

Yours in Sludge,

CC Turner

The songs Warrant picked for the "Under The Influence" CD were weak to begin with. "Hair Of The Dog" by Nazareth?  African American Please! And when Warrant saw Tuff do "Dead Jail Or Rock N Roll" they should have said, "Fuck, they did it before us, lets do another song." Or they should have said, "If Tuff is doing it, we sure as fuck don’t want to do it!" 

Doesn’t anybody give a shit about coming up with their own ideas anymore? I know bands borrow shit from each other all the time but at least fucking be discreet about it. 

DISCLAIMER: Now before you read this next part, realize that by reading this you may lose brain cells.  Metal Sludge is not responsible if you feel dumber for reading any of these emails.

These are all emails sent out on the Warrant Mailing List from their "Team Leader" Dave Carroll, President and Ruler of the prestigious Warrant Street Team!

This is by far some of the stupidest shit I’ve ever read. I almost, ALMOST, feel embarrassed for this guy. He’s such a pathetic douche bag.  This is almost like picking on the handicapped, but I know you didn’t come to Metal Sludge expecting compassion from me, so I guess I’ll just have to slap him around. I’m doing this all for the fans!

Notice how all these emails are in all caps.  How can anybody take somebody serious when they write in all caps? 

HEY TEAM, 
WE HAVE ANOTHER POLL TO WORK ON NOW AND THIS ONE IS GOING TO BE TOUGH TO WIN UNLESS ALL 242 STREET TEAM MEMBERS GO AND VOTE FOR WARRANT !!

GO TO: WWW.KNAC.COM SCROLL DOWN AND YOU’LL SEE A POLL WHERE YOU VOTE FOR THE COOLEST GLAM BAND OF ALL TIME….

MOTLEY CRUE IS IN THE LEAD RIGHT NOW AND THIS POLL IS ALOT DIFFERENT THAN THE VH1 POLL. IT ONLY COUNTS YOUR VOTE ONCE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY. IT MUST RECOGNIZE YOUR COMPUTER SO THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO TO REGISTER MORE THAN ONE VOTE IS USE ANOTHER COMPUTER. I WILL TRY VOTING FROM MY COMPUTER AT HOME AND AT WORK AND SEE IF THAT WORKS…

I’M NOT SURE HOW LONG THE POLL IS RUNNING FOR SO EVERYONE GO VOTE ASAP AND SEE IF WE CAN WIN ANOTHER ONE FOR WARRANT.

THANKS,
DAVE

You know Dave, they offer counseling for people like you.


OK THE VH1 POLL IS NOW CLOSED BUT THE GLAM SLAM TOUR DID COME IN 1ST SO GREAT WORK EVERYONE……

NOW WE REALLY NEED TO SPREAD THE WORD ON THE NEW KNAC POLL AND GET EVERYONE WE KNOW TO GO VOTE FOR WARRANT…. IT ONLY TAKES A SECOND SO CALL IN SOME FAVORS AND ASK YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO HELP YOU OUT AND GO VOTE….."Hey Bob, remember about a year ago you said you owed me a favor? Well I think it’s time you lived up to your word.  There is this poll on KNAC.com about Glam Bands and I want you to vote for Warrant." 

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Ask you friends and family? It’s a fucking poll on Glam Bands! Who gives a shit?

WARRANT ONLY HAS 65 VOTES RIGHT NOW AND MOTLEY CRUE IS IN THE LEAD WITH 151 VOTES…. WE HAVE 241 PEOPLE ON THIS TEAM SO IF WE CAN’T GET AT LEAST 275 VOTES FOR WARRANT THAN WE HAVE SOME ISSUES HERE. Trust me you do have issues. PLEASE VOTE ASAP BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS POLL WILL LAST AND WE NEED TO SHOW KNAC THERE ARE ALOT OF WARRANT FANS OUT THERE…

THANKS,
DAVE

You certainly showed KNAC, didn’t you? You showed them that Warrant has stupid fans.


Here’s the infamous email that KNAC put up on their website.

HI EVERYONE, I KNOW HOW TO VOTE MORE THAN ONCE IN THE KNAC POLL FROM THE SAME COMPUTER….REPEATEDLY IN FACT. SO FAR THIS ONLY WORKS WITH INTERNET EXPLORER, BUT I’M WORKING ON A WAY AROUND WITH NETSCAPE AS WELL. HERE’S WHAT YOU DO:
1. IN INTERNET EXPLORER, GO TO TOOLS, THEN TO INTERNET OPTIONS…
2. CLICK ON THE SECURITY TAB
3. CLICK ON "RESTRICTED SITES" UNDER "SELECT CONTENT ZONE TO SPECIFY ITS SECURITY SETTINGS"
4. CLICK THE "SITES…" BUTTON
5. UNDER "ADD THIS WEB SITE TO THE ZONE:" TYPE HTTP://WWW.KNAC.COM/
6. CLICK "ADD"
7. REPEAT #5 AND 6, USING HTTP://WWW.CLEARCHANNEL.COM/ INSTEAD OF KNAC
8. CLICK OK THIS RESTRICTS THE KNAC WEBSITE FROM PLANTING COOKIES ON YOUR COMPUTER – THE COOKIE IS WHAT WON’T ALLOW YOU TO VOTE MORE THAN ONCE.

ONCE YOU HAVE DONE THIS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOTE OVER AND OVER IF YOU WANT AND YOU WILL SEE THE NUMBERS CHANGE ON THE RESULTS PAGE. ONE QUICK NOTE: YOU MAY GET SOME WARNING MESSAGES. ONE SUCH MESSAGE WILL PROBABLY SAY "YOUR CURRENT SECURITY SETTINGS PROHIBIT RUNNING ACTIVE X CONTROLS ON THIS PAGE. AS A RESULT, THE PAGE MAY NOT DISPLAY CORRECTLY." DON’T WORRY, JUST CLICK OK. ANOTHER ONE MIGHT SAY "WHEN YOU SEND INFORMATION TO THE RESTRICTED SITES, IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE FOR OTHERS TO SEE THAT INFORMATION. DO YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?" CLICK YES AND MAKE SURE THE "DO NOT SHOW THIS MESSAGE" CHECK BOX IS CHECKED. THESE AND OTHER ERROR MESSAGES ARE A RESULT OF THE HIGHER SECURITY SETTINGS THAT GO ALONG WITH NOT ACCEPTING COOKIES. LET ME KNOW IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS. AS SOON AS I FIND A WAY AROUND WITH NETSCAPE, I WILL POST IT (ALTHOUGH IF YOU HAVE IE, I SUGGEST DOING IT THAT WAY BECAUSE NETSCAPE WILL BE UNDOUBTEDLY MORE COMPLICATED). HAPPY VOTING!!

P.S. AFTER YOU HAVE DONE THIS, THE QUICK-CLICKING THING THAT WORKED ON THE VH1 POLL WILL WORK ON THIS ONE AS WELL. I HAVE VOTED MORE THAN 500 TIMES IN THE LAST HOUR.

REBECCA

Has anybody else found it weird that Rebecca and Dave both write in all caps?


WOW WARRANT IS KICKING BUTT IN THE KNAC POLL…….. GREAT WORK EVERYONE BUT KEEP VOTING UNTIL THE POLL IS CLOSED. Oh, so you have to stop voting when the poll is closed? Thanks for the newsflash dipshit.

THANKS,
DAVE


DID EVERYONE SEE THE VOTING TIP I SENT OUT FROM REBECCA ? WE STILL HAVE THE LEAD BUT POISON IS GAINING FAST……. PLEASE GO VOTE

DAVE

Am I safe to assume that Dave leads a pretty non-existent life?


OK WE ARE KICKING SOME ASS ON THE KNAC POLL SO WE CAN TAKE IT EASY ON THAT NOW……. WE SHOULD STILL WATCH IT THOUGH AND IF ANYONE STARTS GETTING CLOSE WE CAN GO BACK TO VOTING…… GREAT JOB EVERYONE !!!!!!! THIS TEAM ROCKS……

THANKS,
DAVE

Yeah, you guys have so much to be proud of. If it wasn’t for the same 10 fans voting over and over again like fucking retards Warrant would have been in last place.


POISON IS GAINING LITTLE BY LITTLE SO LET’S MAKE ONE LAST PUSH THIS WEEKEND AND PUT THIS THING OUT OF REACH OK ???? YOU GUYS/GIRLS ARE KICKING SOME MAJOR ASS ON THESE POLLS !!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH…….

DAVE

It’s a clich?d thing to say, but get a fucking life!  Sitting around all day voting in a stupid poll that means nothing?  That’s not a dig at KNAC, but shit, it’s a poll! As if some record exec is going to go to KNAC, see that Warrant won the poll, and then give them a 5 album deal.  Get a fucking clue!  Poll results are forgotten 2 seconds after their done.  Warrant needs to do a hell of a lot more than worry about winning polls, such as firing their Street Team and management.


Here’s an email that encourages lying.

WHILE WE ARE AT IT EVERYONE SEND IN A VIDEO REQUEST TO:

[email protected]

I WOULD SAY "UNCLE TOM’S CABIN" WOULD BE A GOOD CHOICE AND MIGHT EVEN HAVE A SHOT AT GETTING PLAYED….

Hey Scott Ian…if you ever play a Warrant video we’re giving you an FU Award.

TELL THEM YOU JUST SAW WARRANT ON THE GLAM SLAM TOUR AND THEY ROCKED ( EVEN IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TO A SHOW YET ) How fucking gay is that?  

THANKS,
DAVE


LOOKS LIKE YOU CAN VOTE MORE THAN ONCE ON THIS POLL SO IF ENOUGH OF US VOTE A FEW TIMES TONIGHT MAYBE WE CAN PULL THIS OFF HUH ??

DAVE

It’s safe to say that girls aren’t beating down Dave’s door, huh?


WHICH SUMMER TOUR IS GONNA ROCK YOUR WORLD?

GLAM SLAM METAL JAM WITH QUIET RIOT, POISON, WARRANT, AND ENUFF Z’NUFF 57%

EXTREME STEEL TOUR WITH PANTERA, SLAYER, AND STATIC X 24%

BEYOND GOOD & EVIL WITH THE CULT, MONSTER MAGNET, AND STABBING WESTWARD 9%

OZZFEST 2001 WITH BLACK SABBATH, MARILYN MANSON, AND SLIPKNOT 7%

TED NUGENT, LYNYRD SKYNYRD, AND DEEP PURPLE 3%

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED !!!!

DAVE

So the Glam Slam Metal Jam won! Now that means….uh…..well….IT DOESN’T MEAN JACK SHIT!


LOOKS LIKE THE ROCKSHOW POLL IS STILL UP ON VH1’S WEBSITE AND PROBABLY WILL BE UNTIL THIS THURSDAY SO EVERYONE KEEP THE VOTES FOR POISON/WARRANT POURING IN….. THEY ARE CURRENTLY IN 1ST PLACE WITH 55% OF THE VOTE BUT WE NEED TO WIN THIS ONE AND WAKE VH1 UP…..
I think VH-1 was just woken up with my post. Now when they see all these emails, they’ll realize that it was only about 5 people sending them emails about Warrant. 

ROCKSHOW IS THE ONLY OUTLET OPEN TO THIS STYLE OF MUSIC SO KEEP THE REQUESTS UP FOR WARRANT VIDEO’S…..

[email protected]

WE ALSO NEED TO KEEP BUGGING THEM FOR A WARRANT "BEHIND THE MUSIC" SPECIAL BY EMAILING OUR INTEREST TO: [email protected]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  

That’s without a doubt the funniest thing that’s ever been written on this site.  I’m pissed I can’t even take credit for writing that!

THERE IS ALSO A MESSAGE BOARD JUST FOR BTM SO IT NEVER HURTS TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT THERE AS WELL….

THANKS,
DAVE CARROLL
TEAM LEADER

That’s about as impressive as seeing:

TOM MATHERS
PRESIDENT OF PERRIS RECORDS


HEY LOOKS LIKE THE PANTERA TOUR IS GAINING ON THE POISON/WARRANT TOUR ON THE VH1 ROCKSHOW POLL !!! WE NEED TO KEEP VOTING AND WIN THIS ONE TEAM……….. 

REMEMBER YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT AND THE POLL RUNS UNTIL THIS THURSDAY…… 

THANKS, 
DAVE


WELL AFTER SOME HEAVY STREET TEAM VOTING WE PUT THE GLAM SLAM TOUR BACK ON TOP IN THE VH1 POLL BUT THEY HAVE DROPPED TO 2ND AGAIN THIS MORNING…….DOWN BY 3% DON’T GET DISCOURAGED Yeah I’m sure a lot of people were fucking suicidal when they found out Warrant was down by 3%. WHEN YOU KEEP VOTING AND THE RESULTS DON’T SEEM TO BE MOVING, I THINK THE POLL ONLY REFRESHES THE RESULTS EVERY NOW AND THEN AND NOT WITH EACH VOTE. IF YOU VOTE OVER AND OVER YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE…..That’s right, you’re making a difference!  Fuck feeding the homeless!  Fuck helping homeless kids!  You’re only making a difference if you’re voting for Warrant in a VH-1 poll! 

IT JUSTS TAKES A WHILE TO SEE THE TRUE RESULTS. PLEASE KEEP VOTING AND AFTER WE WIN THIS ONE WE CAN HAVE SOMETHING TO GO TO VH1 ON WHEN WE KEEP UP THE "BEHIND THE MUSIC" EFFORTS…… 

THANKS, 
DAVE CARROLL

Warrant "Behind The Music?"  Dave, don’t you realize that there are enough people to laugh at in the world  without you putting in so much effort to give us another?   


HTTP://WWW.VH1.COM/INSIDEVH1/SHOWS/ROCKSHOW

 EVERYONE NEEDS TO PITCH IN HERE AND MAKE A FINAL PUSH FOR THE GLAM SLAM TOUR TO WIN THIS SUMMER TOUR POLL !!! And if the Glam Slam tour wins, people think it’s because of Poison, not Warrant.  Fucking douche bag. THE RESULTS DON’T UPDATE WITH EVERY VOTE SO DON’T GET DISCOURAGED IF IT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE MOVING……. EVERY VOTE HELPS…… RESULTS WILL BE AIRED ON VH1 FRIDAY NIGHT. 

THANKS, 
DAVE


This email encourages spamming VH1’s Message Boards with Warrant threads.

HTTP://VH1BOARDS.PEOPLELINK.COM/PLNK/VH1/BOARDS30/INDEX.CFM? COMMUNITY=75000112&INTGROUP=90000882&INTGROUP_NAME=BEHIND%20THE% 20MUSIC

WE NEED TO KEEP THE PRESSURE ON VH1 EVERYONE SO ABOVE IS THE LINK TO THEIR "BEHIND THE MUSIC" MESSAGE BOARD….

JUST COPY AND PASTE THAT LINK INTO YOUR BROWSER AND YOU’LL SEE THE WARRANT TOPIC ON THE MESSAGE BOARD…..

WE NEED EVERYONE TO REPLY TO THIS TOPIC AND FEEL FREE TO START YOUR OWN TOPIC TOO BECAUSE THE MORE TIMES WARRANT APPEARS ON THIS MESSAGE BOARD THE BETTER. Can you say spam?  I actually found the "Behind The Music" message board and only found ONE Warrant thread with only one reply.  See Dave, even the fucking people you send this too don’t give a shit.

THANKS FOR EVERYONE’S HARD WORK ON THE ROCKSHOW POLL !!!! Is it really hardwork to vote in a fucking online poll? WE ARE BACK IN THE LEAD AND WE JUST NEED TO KEEP UP THAT VOTING UNTIL THAT POLL CLOSES THURSDAY OR FRIDAY.

DAVE


HEY TEAM, OK WE HAVE YET ANOTHER VH1 PROJECT TO DO……. VH1 HAS A THING CALLED "FAN CLUBS" AND WE NEED TO SEE IF WE CAN GET THEM TO START A "WARRANT FAN CLUB"

PLEASE EMAIL: [email protected]

ASK THEM WHY THEY DON’T HAVE A FAN CLUB FOR WARRANT YET ? Gee, I don’t know why they don’t have a Warrant Fan Club?  Lets see, they have Creed, they have Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sting, Kid Rock, Bon Jovi, No Doubt, Ricky Martin, Kiss, and AC/DC.  Yeah, Warrant would fit right in with those huge acts, huh?  (Sarcasm mode turned off)

TELL THEM YOU JUST SAW WARRANT LIVE ON THE GLAM SLAM TOUR AND THEY STOLE THE SHOW…. The only way Warrant could steal the show is if Britney Fucking Spears hit the stage and blew Jerry Dixon during "Down Boys." Plus you’re telling people to say that Warrant was much better than Poison, so in a way you’re sort of slamming Poison & the rest of the bands on that bill.  IT DOESN’T HURT TO ASK IF THEY WILL BE DOING A BTM SPECIAL ON WARRANT ANYTIME SOON EITHER ?? It also doesn’t hurt to ask people to send me $100 in the mail, but I doubt that’ll happen either.

THANKS,
DAVE

Hey VH-1, you know all those Warrant emails you’ve gotten lately?  It’s from the same 5 people. 

Dave, you really think VH-1 is fucking stupid? You think if they keep getting a few emails on Warrant they’re not going to fucking figure out they’re all from the same people? Plus Warrant is way down the list of bands to do Behind The Music on. 

See, most bands are up here and ……

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Warrant is way down here.

You need to realize that Warrant has no respect in the industry, and with people like you running their Street Team you’re doing them more harm then good.  What you need to be more concerned about is going to Subway like Jared and maybe dropping a few pounds. It’s obvious you spend too much time in front on a computer and it ain’t doing you any good.

And for the rest of you Warrant Street Team members, I’d like to leave you with one thought…but I’m not sure you have a place to put it, so I’d be wasting my time.

I’m out like Warrant’s credibility,

OZZY STILLBOURNE

942 Total Views 27 Views Today

About Administrator