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When Slaughter Fans Write, Part One

 

"WHEN SLAUGHTER FANS WRITE – PART ONE"
 



Soon to be a Fox Thursday Night Special!

This next post is going to disturb you. It should upset you. It should get you really pissed. This is worse than those Thrusday Night Fox Specials, like Good Times Gone Bad Part 54, or When Animals Attack Part 70. This my friends, is called "When Slaughter Fans Write – Part 1!" What you are about to read is completely real. No re-enactments, no re-creations. This is an actual letter written by a Slaughter fan. We were sent this letter by some brave Sludgeaholics who found this on the Official Slaughter Mailing List. I’ve added my comments underneath, and remember ladies and gentlemen, I’m not making this up, and do not try this at home!

"Hey all just got back from my Las Vegas trip today. I had a great time seeing Slaughter down there. Well first of the trip down there and back was an experience itself."
Of course your trip was an experience, because every thing you do in life is an experience. If you go on a trip, that is an experience. If you fuck a cow, that is an experience. If you fuck a Slaughter fan, that is a crime. And that last sentence is missing a word or two. Good Ol Slaughter writing at it’s finest.

"The Landscape and scencery it;s self was abosuletly breath taking and beautiful! I got to see alot of Mountains on the way out there and back."
If your a good girl, maybe someday you’ll be lucky and see a lake and a forest! You’ll also notice that absolutely is spelled wrong and "it’s" has the wrong punctuation. I’m sure you noticed that already, unless of course your a Slaughter fan.

"Some of the states I travel through to get there was Mo., KS., CO,Ut, AZ and back I went through all the above states and plus Wy on the way back. so I got to see pretty much of the western part of the United States."
Why is there always fucking words missing from this chick’s sentences? Does she stutter when she types? This chick went through a little bit of Arizona and Nevada, and then on the way back went through Wyoming, and she considers that the Western part of the U.S. So I guess California, Oregon, Washington, and New Mexico doesn’t count.

"Also stopped at "The Rest Stop from Hell" on the way down there and back!"
I’ll have to look for that on a map.

"It was this dive in Beaver Creek Utah and was out in the middle of no where."
That’s why it’s a rest stop! It’s suppose to be in the middle of no where. You don’t see too many rest stops in downtown L.A. or New York do you?

"Both times I was in there I was refused service and the ones who were aable to get serviced they acted like it was a big deal. Like that place had to displayed the poorest display of costumer service that I had ever seen! talk about pathetic."
Ok, if you want to talk about pathetic, go re-read that last paragraph. That is the poorest display of writing skills I have ever seen! The reason she wasn’t able to get service is because even hicks in the middle of nowhere don’t like Slaughter fans.

"oh yeah fyi before I go on about the concert in responce to that one person’s negative post in the AOL folders about the band and this particular show. I Actually saw the guest list that the band had specially made for their fans. so they coluld get into the show and see the guys play down there."
Our country really is going to hell. No wonder Japan kicks our ass in education. What the fuck is "coluld". Did I miss a town meeting on the new spelling of "could?" Plus those aren’t even complete sentences. If this chick lived by her wits, she’d starve.

"any how it was at least 3-4 pages long typed out on on legal (11×14) sized paper."
As opposed to the illegal 11 x 14 sized paper that should never be used! What the fuck is that? Did she measure it? Like it fucking matters that is was on "legal (11×14) sized paper." Who cares if it was written on one of Blas’ used condoms, what difference does it make? Slaughter fans try to show people that they are intelligent by giving facts that have no purpose. That is a perfect example.

"Like the sign up for this guest list was posted on their website right by the date of the show on the tour dates link. 3 weeks before the show..So if people wanted to go they just had to sign up to be on the guest list. Now if the guys didn’t care about the fans; do you think they would have gone out of their fan and did this for them."
It’s a good thing I have a degree in reading Slaughter writing, or I’d have no fucking idea what this bitch is saying. Yes, I do think Slaughter would go out of their way for the fans because I’m sure they were selling merchandise at this gig. I’m sure they were still selling $8 8 x 10s with Tim’s picture on it and $20 shirts and $10 CDs and Dana’s pubic hairs and various other crap. Besides, putting up a list on their website for people to sign takes even less effort than it does for me to post this stupid thing. And trust me, I’m not putting much effort into this.

"esp after the casino had planned to hand out the tickets through that silly contest which was never oked by the band to begin with! Well enough on that subject….. Anyhow the guys put on a great show and the crowd was very enustastic."
"enustastic." That must have been a great show, cause I’ve never been to a concert where the fans were "enustastic." I’ve seen fans enthusiastic, but never enustastic. This letter is the perfect reason for birth control. This bitch is so stupid she doesn’t know the recipe for ice.

"Matter in fact so it was hard to take pix in there."
Yeah, finish your thought! That isn’t even a complete fucking sentence! Matter in fact, your an the stupiest person I ever seen. That last sentence was written in Slaughter language so the Slaughter fans could understand what I was saying.

"So I didn’t get that many and I mainly said hi to the guys and handed them their Valetines gifts I brought for them."
Which I’m sure they threw in the trash the second you turned around.

"But Cause everyone was so into the oncert I felt I could always take more pix of the guys later on in the tour this summer. Now I ca’t remember all the songs or the exact order of the songs sang but some to the songs they did was : Rock the World, I’m Gone, Spend My Life, Searching, days gone by, Fly to the Angels, Mad about you, Up all Night, Desperately, Unknown Destation, plus a few more."
I’m getting the feeling this is Vince Neil writing this. Every other letter is missing and words aren’t complete, so maybe this is Vince. And it’s good to see Slaughter’s still playing the exact same set they played back in May.

"I also had the pleasure of finally meeting a bunch of you at the show and also hanging out with some of you both before and after the show. those who I had got to met are Jenn (LVSONG??) who was nice enough to invite me over to her place when I first got into town and was waiting to check into my hotel room. Anyhow her 4 month old son is a cutie pie! ;-)….."
Probably Blas’ kid.

"I also meet and got to hang out with both Jenn (Daysgneby1) and Sarah (Hro4aday) both before during anbd after the show. I finally got to meet MAryJo (MJF8362), Dena (Dena26) and Lexi (LexiS222), plus a few others on the internet that I am sure that are on these lists with me."
We all hung out and went to our Jenny Craig meeting together! After that, we went out and got the $2 all you can eat Waffle House special.

"Like I had a great time meeting you all… But the person I really enjoyed meeting the most was Denise. (Blas’s old GF.)"
So like, is she like a valley girl now or what!?

"Who was sweet enough to invite me to go down to Pink E’s with her and hang out with her after the Slaughter show … All I can say about that is "You Rule Girl! ;-)"
Great, now we’ve ventured into the Ricki Lake Show. Well, "Your Illiterate Girlfriend!" How’s that?

"I had a blast there! wE also got to hear Blando actually sing a pink e’s with a trubiute band that Jani Lane was doing with Robbie Crane."
First, how do you sing "a pinke’s?" And what’s this about Jani Lane and Robbie Crane being in a "trubiute" band? That’s needs to be covered ASAP! Were they doing 3 sets and playing Top 40 songs? How the mighty have fallen.

"So I got to talk to all of them a little after that little gig. Anyhow let me tell ya Blando has a great voice! Also with getting to hang out with Blando and say hi to Jani Lane again."
Another sentence that makes no sense. This chick should put her high school diploma on her car’s dashboard and park in handicapped parking spots. She’d never get a ticket.

"I finally got to meet Robbie Crane too!"
Consider yourself blessed my child! Not many get to meet the man they call Robbie Crane.

"I also ran into Shaggy and Drew a couple of Slaughter’s old roadies in Pink E’s. I told Drew that we missed him last tour. And I also got to meet the Treasure Island Guy Charilie! ;-P~~~~~~ and he is a cutie too! and btw he is 21 yrs old!"
Not Treasure Island Guy Charilie!! First Robbie Crane, then Treasure Island Guy Charilie! You hit the lotto! Since you mentioned he was 21 years old, that leads me to believe that you aren’t 21 and your letting your Slaughter minions know that he can buy you underage zit farmers booze. I don’t blame you, I need booze to listen to Slaughter too.

"anyhow I had a great weekend and all! and until my next road report!"
Yeah, until your next road report, I suggest you invest in Hooked On Phonics. Fuck, get Hooked On Crack, anything would be better than your current state of intelligence.

OZZY STILLBOURNE
The only book that chick ever finished was a book of matches.

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