22 QUESTIONS WITH…
Welcome to the latest Metal Sludge 20 Questions. Our latest victim, I mean, our latest metal star to step forward is Poison drummer Rikki Rockett!
After over a decade of touring the world, selling millions of records, and having #1 singles and videos, Rikki has finally made it. That’s right, he has done an interview with Metal Sludge! It’s obvious that this must be a career highlight for Rikki. We are glad we could make Rikki’s dreams come true. Just be sure to thank us in the next CD.
And not only is it alleged by groupies that Rikki has a big dick, but he has even bigger balls for subjecting himself to our stupidity. So to salute him for that, we hit him up for 2 BONUS questions, making this the first Metal Sludge 22 Questions. Enjoy!
1. What is Poison currently up to? (This is the one and only time to plug your projects, tours, albums, websites, and other miscellaneous shit.)
RIKKI: Poison is going on tour in May. ( See: www.poisonweb.com ) It will be a Whoop Dinger of a tour! Here’s a list of all my websites: ( http://www.rikkirockett.com ) Tells ya what I’m doin’ and stuff.
2. Would you rather have millions killed in a California earthquake or have one of your testicles crushed in a vice?
RIKKI: Cue up the appropriate Power Ballad because I would have to choose a crushed ball. Ain’t I sweet?
3. If you could put one Poison song in a vault labeled ?Songs That Fucking Suck?, which song would it be?
RIKKI: See question #21.
4. What are the top 3 Best & Worst memories of Poison for you?
RIKKI: 1.) Record 2.) Video 3.) Tour
5. If you HAD to have sex with any animal, what animal would you pick and why?
RIKKI: Rosie, the Pit Bull because she can take it. The cats meow way too loud!
6. Do the initials C.C. stand for Crack Cocaine?
RIKKI: No, Crusty Crotch. The mold is terrible from what I hear.
7. What do Bret Michaels, David Lee Roth, Jack Russell and Jani Lane have in common? A. They are all lead singers.
RIKKI: A, B, & D. Bret shows it all in "A Letter From Death Row".
8. If you could be a tampon for any celebrity, who would it be?
RIKKI: Bea Arthur, because she probably has already gone through menopause
9. Would you rather see your sister carjacked and raped or be forced to watch one of Bret?s half assed movies?
RIKKI: My sister was carjacked and raped leaving one of Bret’s movies sometime ago. Gawd, a little personal aren’t ‘cha? You better pay for my counseling!
10. Who was a bigger pain in the ass: Richie Kotzen, C.C. DeVille, or the guys in Warrant?
RIKKI: The guys in Warrant. Mark Twain said, "Nothing is more annoying than a good example"
11. Do you ever think that playing with comic books well into your 30′s could be a small sign of retardation or that your a possible pedophile?
RIKKI: Your point is?
12. Where the fuck is Bobby Dall? We seen pictures of Bret, C.C. and yourself together, but Bobby is MIA. What about Bob?
RIKKI: Well, Bobby retired to cave for a short time to practice primal screams for a contest that was held in Russia in 1997. He finished 2nd and we are proud of ‘em! The rest of us have finally persuaded him to leave that lifestyle behind as it wasn’t good for the children or our career.
13. Besides Poison, what 80s metal band should call it day and give it up?
RIKKI: Ummm, Pantera. Don’t cha just wanna yank on their beards?
14. Who do you laugh at more: Matt Smith for leaving Poison before you were signed or Bret Michaels for thinking he’s a director?
RIKKI: In martial arts this is called a "simple direct attack". This can be countered by several things: A.) Parry and hit. B.) Simultaneous parry and hit. C.) Evade. D.) Simple Parry. E.) A gun.
15. If you had to have sex with Bret Michaels, Mick Mars, or Gerri Miller, who would you choose & why?
16. What was the lowest point for you in Poison? Was it when C.C. took the stage at the MTV Awards looking like Bozo The Fucking Clown?
RIKKI: No, it was when C.C. left the stage looking like Bozo The Fucking Clown. Actually it was Pogo the Clown, C.C. has always had a thing for John Wayne Gacy.
17. Where is the strangest place you’ve ever pleasured your alleged 9 inch cock?
RIKKI: See question #5
18. Would you rather see a baby seal beaten and skinned alive or your parents cattle prodded for 30 seconds?
RIKKI: My parents cattle prodded for 30 seconds, after all, they’ve done it to me!
19. Besides ?A Letter From Death Row?, what is the worst rock album you ever heard?
RIKKI: Oh my! Get thee behind me Satan! Metal Sludge is my shepherd, I shall not grunt.
20. Which guitar player played out of tune the most: C.C., Richie Kotzen, or Blues Saraceno.
RIKKI: Actually it’s Bret. His tech is tone deaf. We always say, "hire the handicapped!"
21. In Poison’s first video, "Rock Like A Rocker", Bret slams your head into the drums repeatedly to go along with the drum beat. Our question is, why did you guys stop this trend setting idea, and why wasn’t Rock Like A Rocker ever put on an album?
RIKKI: I like the idea and it’s trend setting potential. However, since the song has been forced into the "Songs That Suck" vault, I can’t proliferate the idea any longer. The loss of this magical move has brought tears to my eyes many times. Thanks for understanding.
22. Here?s some word association. We list a name and you give us your thoughts.
Example: Gerri Miller, Bigfoot.
So there you have it. I’m sure the press Rikki will get with this interview will cause millions, and millions of Sludgeaholics to go see Poison this Summer. Besides, at least by going to see the Poison tour you don’t have to put up with Slaughter or Warrant, so how bad could it be? We predict the Poison tour will sell out areans all across the country! Ok, maybe only in the mid-west.